max3732 Posted February 15 Posted February 15 (edited) Met this woman at a singles event organized by a dating app. When I got there she was sitting with 2 other guys talking to her, but we started chatting and seemed to get along really well. At one point I mentioned a sport I play and she said she'd love to play with me. One of the ice breaker questions they had was "will you go on a date with me" and when one of the other guys read it she said she was going to go with me. I asked if she wanted to get a bite to eat after and she said yes and we had it planned. At the same time she invited me to a group activity with her and 2 people I don't know (no idea if they are men or women). The day of our date she tells me she didn't sleep well and doesn't have the energy for the sport and is going to take a nap, but still wants to get something to eat. I told her that's fine and then a few hours later says the nap didn't help and isn't up to meeting me at all that day. In the same text asks if I'm going to be able to make it to the group activity in a couple days. Now I don't know what to do. Should I go to the group activity without having been on a 1 on 1 date with her? It could be her and 2 other guys. Or should I not go to the group thing and try to reschedule the date? She also said she thinks she's stressed about starting a new job soon FYI this is the 3rd or 4th date that's cancelled on me the day of the date saying she's not feeling well or some variation of that. It just drives me crazy Edited February 15 by max3732
Georgia46 Posted February 15 Posted February 15 If it was just a one off cancellation, I’d maybe consider going to the group activity … but if it’s the 4th… then no. There’s no effort or consideration for you here, so I’d just let it be and move on & Find someone nicer than that.
Author max3732 Posted February 15 Author Posted February 15 46 minutes ago, Georgia46 said: If it was just a one off cancellation, I’d maybe consider going to the group activity … but if it’s the 4th… then no. There’s no effort or consideration for you here, so I’d just let it be and move on & Find someone nicer than that. Hopefully it was just a one off cancellation. I confirmed with her 2 days before and the night before she told me she was looking forward to it. The group activity was something I couldn't make it to so I let her know and invited her out again. We'll see what happens. I found it a bit odd that at last minute she doesn't have the energy to meet
Interstellar Posted February 15 Posted February 15 (edited) How long did you wait before inviting her for a bite to eat? You should be scheduling dates 5-7 days in advance that way they can plan ahead and if they cancel which they always do a day before you can get rid of them a lot sooner. I would reschedule the one on one date and cancel the group date BUT if there’s gonna be other attractive women on the group then i would sell myself on them as well. If no women, then just cancel the group date. Edited February 15 by Interstellar
Author max3732 Posted February 16 Author Posted February 16 24 minutes ago, Interstellar said: How long did you wait before inviting her for a bite to eat? You should be scheduling dates 5-7 days in advance that way they can plan ahead and if they cancel which they always do a day before you can get rid of them a lot sooner. I would reschedule the one on one date and cancel the group date BUT if there’s gonna be other attractive women on the group then i would sell myself on them as well. If no women, then just cancel the group date. She had mentioned wanting to play the sport with me so I had that planned, but then figured I could combine the 2 so probably 3 days after I met her and 5 days before we had our date scheduled. So she said yes then, then I gave her some info about the place 2 days before and the night before she texted me she was looking forward to it. I just have no idea who else would be at the group activity. There were a few other guys talking to her at the singles event, so maybe it would be her and 3 guys (including me). All I know is it's 2 other people. Just to see I asked her if she wanted to reschedule and gave her another date and she said yes. So we'll see what happens. It's not as annoying as the "no romantic connection" text, but I am rather tired of getting the "I'm not feeling well" the night before or even the day of the date.
Interstellar Posted February 16 Posted February 16 (edited) 3 hours ago, max3732 said: She had mentioned wanting to play the sport with me so I had that planned, but then figured I could combine the 2 so probably 3 days after I met her and 5 days before we had our date scheduled. So she said yes then, then I gave her some info about the place 2 days before and the night before she texted me she was looking forward to it. I just have no idea who else would be at the group activity. There were a few other guys talking to her at the singles event, so maybe it would be her and 3 guys (including me). All I know is it's 2 other people. Just to see I asked her if she wanted to reschedule and gave her another date and she said yes. So we'll see what happens. It's not as annoying as the "no romantic connection" text, but I am rather tired of getting the "I'm not feeling well" the night before or even the day of the date. I’d cancel the group date. It’s really funny how they know they’re going to cancel the date when they make it but they can’t say no to your face, which is why i’d schedule dates 7-9 days ahead. You’re human you’re supposed to feel annoyed by the constant rejection. Dating is tough for men - the mind games many women play, the inconsistent behavior, the mixed signals, making out with you even though they have boyfriends, etc…etc…All you can do is just keep your karma clean, and try not to take them personally. Edited February 16 by Interstellar
MsJayne Posted February 16 Posted February 16 If someone told me they were cancelling a date because they didn't have the energy I'd respond by cancelling them because of their bad manners. Then she invites you on some group date, how romantic. I wouldn't have given the chance of another date, she's going to be hard work if you go there. 1
ShyViolet Posted February 16 Posted February 16 I wouldn't want the first actual "date" with a new person to be a group date. That seems weird. I think it's best to have the first date be one-on-one so that you get a chance to find out whether you have chemistry with the person.
glows Posted February 16 Posted February 16 Isn’t it golf and hasn’t this happened before….i seem to recall something similar happening with another woman. Anyway she probably thought it was a good idea at the time but the same way you’re getting anxiety over the group meeting she probably got anxiety over this one on one sporting event. This is a gray zone and I think either decision to go or cancel the group date would be fine. It depends on your interest level and just how turned off you are. I remember you’re a career golfer or something along those lines so it’s quite insulting in a way to keep being flaked on but surely you must also be used to it by now that the sport can be intimidating to others.. more info needed on all this. Curious to know what you decide to do.
basil67 Posted February 16 Posted February 16 (edited) I think it's tennis. Your writing is very confusing, but my interpretation is that this woman cancelled on you once, but previous dates have also cancelled your tennis invitations Anyway, playing tennis with a group is not a date. If women keep cancelling on tennis, stop asking them and do normal dates instead. Edited February 16 by basil67
Author max3732 Posted February 16 Author Posted February 16 14 hours ago, glows said: Isn’t it golf and hasn’t this happened before….i seem to recall something similar happening with another woman. Anyway she probably thought it was a good idea at the time but the same way you’re getting anxiety over the group meeting she probably got anxiety over this one on one sporting event. This is a gray zone and I think either decision to go or cancel the group date would be fine. It depends on your interest level and just how turned off you are. I remember you’re a career golfer or something along those lines so it’s quite insulting in a way to keep being flaked on but surely you must also be used to it by now that the sport can be intimidating to others.. more info needed on all this. Curious to know what you decide to do. It's tennis, not golf that I play and I play competitively at a high level. I decided to cancel the group date. As someone else here said I don't like the idea of our first interaction (besides meeting at the singles event) as a group setting. The other thing is the activity she picked I'm laughably bad at and I've heard you should do something you're good at when you're making a first impression. 9 hours ago, Gaeta said: Did you post about her before? Never. 2 hours ago, basil67 said: I think it's tennis. Your writing is very confusing, but my interpretation is that this woman cancelled on you once, but previous dates have also cancelled your tennis invitations Anyway, playing tennis with a group is not a date. If women keep cancelling on tennis, stop asking them and do normal dates instead. This is the first time I've posted about her. Sorry my writing was confusing... I was more frustrated/angry than I probably should have been when writing. This woman cancelled on me the morning we were supposed to play tennis and then proceeded to remind me about an invitation to a group activity. The last few women who have cancelled on me have been for lunch or dinner. I had 2 cancel on me the day we were supposed to meet this past month.
glows Posted February 17 Posted February 17 That is super annoying to be cancelled on like that! Glad you went with your gut and just cancelled the group one. I don’t know why I thought golfing. I used to work with a tennis instructor (he also taught tennis). It’s so fun! Don’t let the flakies get you down 1
smackie9 Posted February 17 Posted February 17 I would just give up. IMO if it's not going smoothly then it's a waste of time. Excuse, after excuse....that means, get the hint, not really interested.
basil67 Posted February 17 Posted February 17 21 hours ago, max3732 said: t's tennis, not golf that I play and I play competitively at a high level. When you invite women to play tennis with you, are they also high competition level? Because if they aren't, then I can see why they are cancelling. 'Hit and giggle' may be fun, but It's not much fun playing a game where you're very much outclassed. And do remember what you said a couple of posts back about how you didn't want to go on a date with someone new when you weren't good at the activity.
Author max3732 Posted February 18 Author Posted February 18 3 hours ago, basil67 said: When you invite women to play tennis with you, are they also high competition level? Because if they aren't, then I can see why they are cancelling. 'Hit and giggle' may be fun, but It's not much fun playing a game where you're very much outclassed. And do remember what you said a couple of posts back about how you didn't want to go on a date with someone new when you weren't good at the activity. Usually the ones I invite have something in their profile like "I want to get better at tennis" or they'll ask me for tips. I've only done a few tennis dates and did 1 pickleball date. If they're not very good pickleball is a lot better. I always ask if they're comfortable hitting the ball back and forth because I did 1 and she would hit every other ball into the back fence or the other court and screamed all the time. Another one went really well and she was laughing and dancing on the court and we did another couple dates before she moved. In general I'd rather just do a meal or go for a walk somewhere. All the ones who have cancelled on me the day of or night before have been a meal. With this one she suggested it in person so I figured it would be ok. I'm almost tempted to tell her we can just meet at the restaurant and skip the tennis. This is for another topic, but I think I'm overdoing the tennis and should branch out into other things. I have a little tennis group and all kinds of people asking me to play and different tournaments and I only have so much time and energy. Sometimes I feel bad saying no to people because I do enjoy playing, but last time I played I cramped at the end from doing 2+ hours the night before and playing the previous day. I took almost a week off after that and in fact playing with her was going to be my 1st time back.
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