Struggles with OLD

February 14

Online dating is horrible. Yes, many men realize this because the odds are stacked against us, especially if you are on 67' tall and don't look like Brad Pitt.

I am 61 years old and in decent shape, not obese but muscular with some table fat LOL. I have dated a lot of women over the years and was married for 24 years, unfortunately we grew apart. I met some wonderful ladies since my divorce in 2013. After 2016 it pretty much dried up. Trying my hand with online again: what a farce. I try to stay positive but this gets tough getting kicked below the belt. I believe it's time to stop wasting my $$ and meet someone out and about. Enough whining. Hope the best for any guys with online dating.

Edited February 14 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
shorten title

February 14

OLD has definitely changed. It has nothing to do with you, but a lot of who's taking advantage...spam, scams, mental illness, lazy, cray, outrageous expectations, etc. It's a s%^& show. I was chatting with some friends and they were discussing someone's struggles with their last date. I just asked if it was OLD, and she looked at me and said is there any other way? I didn't bother to get into an argument, but yes there is another way. Going out, going to events, concerts, parties, actual social interaction. To me that would be more fun than swiping through photos on my phone. OP I feel for ya. IMO the only way to get a feel for someone is to see them in person, not from a photo. I think anyone at any age would benefit more if they just went out and hangout somewhere. Hopefully not at a place where everyone has their nose in their phone.

February 16

I feel for you. I'm the same age as you, and I will never go near OLD ever again. I think once you get to around 45+ the dating pool shrinks, it's mostly bitter divorcees, people who are so involved in their adult kids lives they don't have time to have a proper relationship, people who are looking for a free ride, people looking for affairs, people trying to use you to fill the voids in their life, etc, etc. The chances of finding that person who doesn't come with a big pile of baggage, who has the same values as you, and who you are physically attracted to, are slim to zero. I have no solution for this, I'm now transitioning to the mind-set that I will be on my own for the rest of my life and it's not so bad, though maybe I'm becoming a bit hermit-ish. Maybe that's where all the good women are, hiding at home because they've been crapped on enough .

February 16

lol the hermits do come out for some air now and then

I think OLD is more for hooking up and casual affairs, few are sincere about anything long term or meaningful. It’s part of the digital and instant everything age and overfixation on socials and physical looks online. There are probably the rare few who do find longer lasting relationships but don’t think it’s a good investment throwing $100s into some membership for a dating app if you’re looking for a traditional serious long term relationship.

February 16

Don't think it's so much about age, I've seen plenty of people complain about OLD in their 20s!

It might feel like the pool is smaller or the odds are tougher at this stage of life, remember that the right connection doesn’t care about age or height or how many matches you get. It’s about finding someone who sees you for who you are and values what you bring to the table.

So, cut yourself some slack. You’re not failing at dating; you’re navigating a flawed system in a world that often prioritizes the wrong things.

February 17

Mid 40s and recently returned to online dating,

Four dates thus far and absolutely no chemistry on any of them,

Otherwise I play squash and teach adult learning courses,

Ive met one through each of those where I felt some connection but the circumstances were not right- they were in relationships and so on,

real life encounters it would seem offer a better chance of finding compatible people at least, although the problem is the more compatible people may already be taken

at my age and where I am- online dating seems to be the main avenue nowadays for meeting people so I dont know if that is reflective of worldwide

but chatting to someone by e mail or text gives no indication funnily enough (youd think there might be some clues) of how you will gel in-person,

or that's the way Ive found it anyway,

In the past Ive had joy with a few random encounters but I was younger then also,

maybe we are just going through a lull

February 18

On 2/16/2025 at 10:53 PM, Alpacalia said:

Don't think it's so much about age, I've seen plenty of people complain about OLD in their 20s!

It might feel like the pool is smaller or the odds are tougher at this stage of life, remember that the right connection doesn’t care about age or height or how many matches you get. It’s about finding someone who sees you for who you are and values what you bring to the table.

So, cut yourself some slack. You’re not failing at dating; you’re navigating a flawed system in a world that often prioritizes the wrong things.

Yep, I'm 31 it's not any better. Know people in their 20s who say it's shite as well.

It does seem to be getting dramatically worse post-pandemic. For me the issue is probably summed up in the idea that dating is becoming more and more transactional.

People are viewing it more as a transaction that a connection with another human being. They want it to provide them something, be it sex, attention, getting over their ex, a good time and entertainment etc... and the real human beings get left behind in that arrangement.

It's gotten far away from the old way of boy meets girl at work/at a gig/at a bus stop, they start chatting organically and suddenly can't take their eyes off eachother. There was no swipe, no transaction, and no hidden expectations. People could be naturally on the same wavelength without having to go through the algorithm and hope for the best.

So I think society as a whole has to move back to that. It's hard because people seem to be more hooked on it than ever, but it only takes one person at a time to go back to basics. Of myself and all my single friends, I don't really know anyone whose dating life seems to be thriving with OLD, it's about time to make a change.

February 18

5 minutes ago, FredEire said:

It's gotten far away from the old way of boy meets girl at work/at a gig/at a bus stop, they start chatting organically and suddenly can't take their eyes off eachother. There was no swipe, no transaction, and no hidden expectations.

The world is a lot faster now, and I think people have become too impatient/choosy for this kind of dating.

Back in the day, you may have had a relationship with only handful of people before you settled down with one. And there were really lengthy gaps between ending it with one person and meeting another.

February 18

5 minutes ago, basil67 said:

The world is a lot faster now, and I think people have become too impatient/choosy for this kind of dating.

Back in the day, you may have had a relationship with only handful of people before you settled down with one. And there were really lengthy gaps between ending it with one person and meeting another.

Yeah indeed.

I also struggle to read books and watch longer movies now because my brain has been rewired by YouTube and Instagram shorts.

It's the same kind of principle, but it's affecting something much more important, love and connection.

Of the couples who are getting together these days as well, I wonder how many of them are genuinely falling in love and how many people just see it as useful, a nice person to take pictures with and make their social feed look a bit brighter.

I have a couple of female friend who recently just announced, "OK, I'm getting a boyfriend", and sure enough a couple of weeks later they were with some guy. Maybe it's just easy for them, idk, but I have my doubts over the sincerity of it. In my experience finding a sincere meaningful connection with someone compatible is bloody hard

February 18

I was going to start my own thread but then I saw this one and thought I could piggyback off of it, if that’s okay.

I was on hinge for close to a year now and I feel like giving up. I’m so sick of how most everybody I message doesn’t respond. I’m also sick of how most everyone who likes my profile is either a total creep or has a mostly blank profile (which leads me to believe they are either a scammer or somebody who isn’t serious about anything). In the few rare instances I do get a conversation going with somebody, they always end up ghosting me, start acting like a jerk, or the conversation just sort of fizzles out (and I’ll admit that I may be to blame for that since I have a hard time with small talk sometimes). I only ended up meeting one person off of hinge and it just didn’t work out. Actually, being 100% serious here, I thought it was a very nice guy and I really enjoyed talking with him, but he was neurodivergent and seemed to lack the social awareness to understand boundaries. Because of that I knew it was best to just end it before things get too bad.

Anyways, I’ve seen posts in this thread suggesting to meet people through real life social interactions. This is where I need help. Since I don’t drink, I don’t go to bars. I often have issues with loud crowds so nightclubs and concerts are off the table. The social events I go to the most are local psychic or gemstone fairs. Sometimes I go with a friend, but sometimes I go by myself. Anyways, even though I have no troubles speaking with the vendors at these fairs, I find it extremely difficult to start talking to another patron. Like where do I start? How do I get a conversation going naturally?

February 18

24 minutes ago, lemonicetea said:

I was going to start my own thread but then I saw this one and thought I could piggyback off of it, if that’s okay.

I was on hinge for close to a year now and I feel like giving up. I’m so sick of how most everybody I message doesn’t respond. I’m also sick of how most everyone who likes my profile is either a total creep or has a mostly blank profile (which leads me to believe they are either a scammer or somebody who isn’t serious about anything). In the few rare instances I do get a conversation going with somebody, they always end up ghosting me, start acting like a jerk, or the conversation just sort of fizzles out (and I’ll admit that I may be to blame for that since I have a hard time with small talk sometimes). I only ended up meeting one person off of hinge and it just didn’t work out. Actually, being 100% serious here, I thought it was a very nice guy and I really enjoyed talking with him, but he was neurodivergent and seemed to lack the social awareness to understand boundaries. Because of that I knew it was best to just end it before things get too bad.

Anyways, I’ve seen posts in this thread suggesting to meet people through real life social interactions. This is where I need help. Since I don’t drink, I don’t go to bars. I often have issues with loud crowds so nightclubs and concerts are off the table. The social events I go to the most are local psychic or gemstone fairs. Sometimes I go with a friend, but sometimes I go by myself. Anyways, even though I have no troubles speaking with the vendors at these fairs, I find it extremely difficult to start talking to another patron. Like where do I start? How do I get a conversation going naturally?

You could learn a new language and go to exchanges, go to a painting class, learn a martial art, there's loads of possibilities.

It's not the be-all and end all though, I do a fair amount of hobby stuff and I find a lot of people just come with their head down looking to practice whatever it is the meetup is about and head home. It's just a bit better than OLD.

There's a dating crisis in general. So many people in their 20s and 30s either sexless or only having situationships because they're too career-focused and/or afraid of getting hurt, then giving up and adopting cats in their 30s.

February 26

mid 60s male here. OLD is, at best, a necessary evil and I regret giving them my money - once the 6 months are up, I am out. I can only speak from the male perspective but it certainly seems that OLD makes women way too picky and superficial. I have had far, far more success in starting relationships in real-life. And this is because women are exposed to so much more about you in the real world than some pictures and a few lines of text. But, at my age, a lot of the normal opportunities for meeting in real life are not there. So I am stepping way outside my comfort zones and joining all sorts of "real-life" meetups and other things, such as timeleft where I can meet women in real life. I agree with others that, at least for men, OLD is a waste of time and money. Not to mention all the rejection you have to deal with. Very toxic.

February 26

People go OLD and they think they'll meet the love of their life after a few weeks. It does not work that way. It's a long process. It demands many meetings, much patience, and lots of resiliance.

I don't know how is OLD now but l met my bf on FB dating almost 3 years ago. He's an amazing man / human being / boyfriend / father. I pintch myself everyday to make sure this is real.

Stop focussing on the negative. Don't judge people, look within for answers. I probably went on 300+ first OLD dates in my life. It did not kill me. Adversity is suppose to make us stronger & wiser.

Sorry it's not the support you were looking for.

If you think people you'll meet in real life will be better, you're in for a surprise.

Edited February 26 by Gaeta

February 26

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

People go OLD and they think they'll meet the love of their life after a few weeks. It does not work that way. It's a long process. It demands many meetings, much patience, and lots of resiliance.

I don't know how is OLD now but l met my bf on FB dating almost 3 years ago. He's an amazing man / human being / boyfriend / father. I pintch myself everyday to make sure this is real.

Stop focussing on the negative. Don't judge people, look within for answers. I probably went on 300+ first OLD dates in my life. It did not kill me. Adversity is suppose to make us stronger & wiser.

Sorry it's not the support you were looking for.

If you think people you'll meet in real life will be better, you're in for a surprise.

In all honesty if you're an average man (especially if as OP said you've gotten a bit older and maybe your looks aren't what they once were) you're not going to be getting 300+ matches never mind dates on OLD, if you're a woman you can go ahead and date to your heart's content.

From what I can gather the issue on the female side is usually having a lot of negative experiences, getting hurt and giving up on it. That's the conundrum of modern dating.

February 26

One of my friends is in your age range. She's matched with a number of men on OLD and had ongoing relationships with two. Neither were handsome

February 26

1 hour ago, Gaeta said:

People go OLD and they think they'll meet the love of their life after a few weeks. It does not work that way. It's a long process. It demands many meetings, much patience, and lots of resiliance.

I don't know how is OLD now but l met my bf on FB dating almost 3 years ago. He's an amazing man / human being / boyfriend / father. I pintch myself everyday to make sure this is real.

Stop focussing on the negative. Don't judge people, look within for answers. I probably went on 300+ first OLD dates in my life. It did not kill me. Adversity is suppose to make us stronger & wiser.

Sorry it's not the support you were looking for.

If you think people you'll meet in real life will be better, you're in for a surprise.

I agree with the general principle of not focusing on the negative - with you 100% on this. I agree with another poster who implied that a man (unless he is in the top 10%) is not even going to get the opportunity to have "300+" dates in the first place. But, I suppose your principle of "not being negative" can be used in this situation as well as the very different situation you experienced. In other words, just as a woman who has been disappointed on 300+ dates can fall into negativity, so can a man who never gets any responses at all to his overtures. Fair enough.

But I will challenge you on "If you think people you'll meet in real life will be better, you're in for a surprise". I think there is a rather obvious difference between these two scenarios. Consider a man who is a little goofy looking by dint of genetics. This man will, I suggest, get no responses on OLD (unless he is really rich). But, if this man is witty, intelligent, and has an engaging personality, I believe he will do pretty well in real life, at least in terms of initiating romantic relationships.

Here is the key point as I see it: the nature of the medium of OLD elicits selection criteria that are decidedly not in the best interests of either gender - women will be too picky and men will be the opposite. In real-life, we are exposed to all the dimensions of a person. A woman who meets a man who is funny, kind, and intelligent (for example) may, consciously or otherwise, may override her genetic preference for height and good looks. In the OLD setting, this man never stands a chance. And to be fair to women, when a man meets a less-than-supermodel woman in real-life, she can win him over with her other charms.

But perhaps I misunderstand the last line of your post. If so, please set me straight.

February 26

10 minutes ago, basil67 said:

One of my friends is in your age range. She's matched with a number of men on OLD and had ongoing relationships with two. Neither were handsome

Not sure who you are speaking to but, assuming I can take you at your word and I see no reason not to, this is a "data point" that is encouraging to those of us who lean to think that OLD turns us into commodities. Thanks.

February 26

36 minutes ago, expos4ever said:

Not sure who you are speaking to but, assuming I can take you at your word and I see no reason not to, this is a "data point" that is encouraging to those of us who lean to think that OLD turns us into commodities. Thanks.

Sorry, I meant to respond to OP. But yeah, there are old people out there meeting others.

Edited February 26 by basil67

February 27

2 hours ago, expos4ever said:

But, if this man is witty, intelligent, and has an engaging persona

These qualities do come out on a first online conversation. Women are attracted toward a whole. Being handsome isn't enough to keep our attention.

About my last sentence, l was approached by men in real life and often after one conversation l knew they were not for me. They were A) recently divorsed B) smokers-drinkers C) dead-beat fathers D) dead-end jobs they hated. And on and on.

The most important, if you don't beleive there are good women out there then you won't meet any. A lot of this process rely on what we beleive in.

February 28

On 2/26/2025 at 12:04 PM, FredEire said:

In all honesty if you're an average man (especially if as OP said you've gotten a bit older and maybe your looks aren't what they once were) you're not going to be getting 300+ matches never mind dates on OLD, if you're a woman you can go ahead and date to your heart's content.

From what I can gather the issue on the female side is usually having a lot of negative experiences, getting hurt and giving up on it. That's the conundrum of modern dating.

Yes women have this problem too. Or at least I know I did when I was on Hinge. I only was able to schedule one date after being there for about nine months. If that’s my normal success rate, I think it will take me ten lifetimes to find a good relationship. Most everyone I messaged never responds. Most everyone who messages me first either has a blank profile (so either they don’t care or are a scammer) or just..ugh. Maybe I’m just being too picky, but I just cannot convince myself to date every weirdo, creep, idiot, and jerk who messages me.

March 1

3 hours ago, lemonicetea said:

Yes women have this problem too. Or at least I know I did when I was on Hinge. I only was able to schedule one date after being there for about nine months. If that’s my normal success rate, I think it will take me ten lifetimes to find a good relationship. Most everyone I messaged never responds. Most everyone who messages me first either has a blank profile (so either they don’t care or are a scammer) or just..ugh. Maybe I’m just being too picky, but I just cannot convince myself to date every weirdo, creep, idiot, and jerk who messages me.

Yeah a couple of female friends have showed me their dating profiles and it's basically flooded with guys asking directly for sex. So not too much better than the typical male experience but a bit different, which is basically a lot of swiping with not many matches and of those not too many lead anywhere. And if you do manage to get on a date there's a lot of very flaky and/or crazy girls and also girls you just don't connect with or have nothing in common with.

That's dating in general of course to some extent, but it's been amplified by the apps. Especially people getting into lots of situationships that don't go anywhere because they feel there could be something better if they keep swiping.

March 1

I'm younger but enjoy talking to older women and many of the women I talk to are in their 60's. There is a very common thread for the vast majority of women I talk to in that age group and that is they aren't attracted to men their own age anymore. They just don't really find them appealing any longer. They don't really have the energy they want to see anymore (which usually refers to both sexual and non sexual activities) and they often don't do a very good job taking care of themselves. Women often are healthier than men are and by the time they get into their 60's on up that begins to show up from a physical standpoint.

Another thing most of them mention is that many older men don't really know how to flirt and communicate with women very well. They say that younger men are often more conversational and are simply more fun to talk to and be around.

For most women the process of starting to date younger men doesn't stem from an extreme attraction to younger men. It stems from not being very attracted at all to available men their own age.

Edited March 1 by Sony12

March 1

1 hour ago, Sony12 said:

Another thing most of them mention is that many older men don't really know how to flirt and communicate with women very well. They say that younger men are often more conversational and are simply more fun to talk to and be around.

I've heard this before too. The other complaint I've heard is above a certain age, men are terrible lovers. Some of the complaints I've heard are ED based - which is age/health related. But more so the complaints are around skills (e.g. oral) and mindset (GGG). That's generational per se.

March 1

Early 50's dude here. I actually have had a lot of luck with OLD. And no, I am not 6'7" and I don't look like Brad Pitt. I guess I just write an interesting profile and have good chat game. I like to think that my photos are good but most women disagree - I can't tell you how many times I've heard "wow you're way more handsome than your photos". Lol.

Suggestion - why don't you just try revising your profile to be really genuine. Maybe a little vulnerable. Stop trying to create a profile that will sell - instead create a profile that really represents you. Women are bombarded with profiles from dudes trying to sell themselves. After a while it's just blah blah blah and they look at the photos. But if you have an actual genuine profile that provides some true glimpse into who you are and what makes you tick, then that stands out. And for some at least, it makes them curious. That curiosity leads to a match and then it's up to you. Give it a try. See what happens.

March 1

40 minutes ago, Mrin said:

I've heard this before too. The other complaint I've heard is above a certain age, men are terrible lovers. Some of the complaints I've heard are ED based - which is age/health related. But more so the complaints are around skills (e.g. oral) and mindset (GGG). That's generational per se.

Yes ED is a big issue some women have. Yes the guy can take a pill but many of these ladies don't want their sex lives to be based around the effectiveness of a pill.

Yes oral is an issue. In my experience though the women want to have a guy that they can enjoy giving oral to. Many of the older men are a little over weight and aren't as enjoyable to go down on as the younger guys who usually have trimmer bodies and a nicer maintainable size down there that she can have fun with.

Edited March 1 by Sony12

Sign In

Struggles with OLD

Recommended Posts

Sportsnutim1964

smackie9

MsJayne

glows

Alpacalia

Foxhall

FredEire

basil67

FredEire

lemonicetea

FredEire

expos4ever

Gaeta

FredEire

basil67

expos4ever

expos4ever

basil67

Gaeta

lemonicetea

FredEire

Sony12

Mrin

Mrin

Sony12

What's New

My Activity Streams

More...