how long did it take for your ex to contact back after NC

[UT_longhorn]

im just wondering how long it took for your ex to contact you back after you initiated NC. I dont know if I fully have closure. how long did it take for you after NC to have your ex call you? also what happned afterwards? what was the post contact like?

[My_Other_I]

It's different for each ex-couple. You might not hear from him/her ever again.

In my case we went few months of NC. The meeting was awkward for the first few minutes, then we got blasterred. The next meeting we ended up having smoking hot sex.

We are friends now, with the occasional wild time while both single.

[RZA-Man]

UT_longhorn. My ex never contacted me. I contacted her and looking back on it (even though it's only been about 2 months) I totally regret it. At first you feel decent, but then you realize that this person doesn't care for you or love you anymore. Once you realize this, you feel A LOT worse. Please stick to NC. It might increase the chances of the person contacting you, but more importantly you don't open yourself up to any new pain.

[hbeezee]

I went NC for 2 weeks and 2 days... it drove her crazy because she is used to people chasing after her when they break up. She finally used a false identity to contact me through myspace... just to see how I am doing...

 

I never answered her calls, or replied to any emails or text messages... once I realized it was her as the false identity (she made too many detailed responses about our past)... I let her have it through this "other" person...

 

She broke down and left me a long voicemail... I thought I'd be stupid to return the call, but then I did... and we are working things out right now.

 

So, for me, the NC worked well to get someone back. I just have issues I have to deal with to get over what happened during those 2 weeks... so we'll see.

 

So as said before, it is different for everyone.. good luck

[chocolate_boy]

In my experience if you haven't heard from them by the 2-3 month mark, chances are you won't again.

 

My ex who split with me in Sept contacted me three times last month, but I didn't reply to any, been two weeks now and she hasn't tried again, hopefully that'll be the end of it now.

[CaliGuy]

Ex tried to contact me three times around Christmas. I had NC with her for 3 weeks when she tried. I never responded. It's been over two weeks since then so I give her another couple weeks and she'll be emailing me again.

 

So far I've been very disciplined. She's not saying what I want to hear so I have no reason to reply.

[cleo]

my ex left me for other girl , then after that NC ....

but all of sudden he contacted me (few months after that.. i guess something bad had happened to him) and asked me to be with him again.

but that time , i didnt have feeling for him anymore. so we never get back together ...

and suprisingly,last week (abt a year after from the first break up) he contacted me again and asked me whether he got chance... of course.. still the same asnwer.. no.

[Just Visiting]

From my own experiences, my exes initiated contact around 4th to 5th month. Usually when I was about to get over the fact that they are not going to call...go figure...lol.

[luvtoto]

My x-fiance contacts me every time I am just starting to date someone new. It's happened twice now. How does he know? We have been broken up for about 2 years now. He called me a couple weeks ago because he heard that I had an accident recently. That was nice. I called him back a couple days later to thank him. Now, we are back to NC. I don't understand why he keeps calling periodically. Maybe he really did care. But, I'll never really know.

[Brittanyjean06]

Still haven't heard from my ex in 5 months- but hes too busy with his new girlfriend- so .....

[CaliGuy]

Still haven't heard from my ex in 5 months- but hes too busy with his new girlfriend- so .....

 

So...you should forget about him.

 

Britt, you've got a lot going for you. On top of that, you're young and have your whole life ahead of you. In fact, until you're around 25 I wouldn't recommend getting into any real serious relationships.

 

Focus on your education, getting yourself established in a career and asserting your independence. There will be plenty of men for you in the future to choose from. Don't be in a hurry to be attached.

 

And please let him go. Accept that it's over and focus on yourself. You can't live in the past for it will always effect your future. The sooner you let go the sooner you'll find someone 1000 times better for you.

[Brittanyjean06]

thanks cali guy! but its sooooooo hard to let go- i can't find that part yet- because im still so hooked on the past- and how things used to be- i am soo young still like a little baby whos learning- i will try though

 

!!!

[CaliGuy]

thanks cali guy! but its sooooooo hard to let go- i can't find that part yet- because im still so hooked on the past- and how things used to be- i am soo young still like a little baby whos learning- i will try though

 

!!!

 

Brit, it's not hard at all. You just have to want to. Think about it, 5 months of NC and he's with someone else. In that period, he's moved on with his life but you have not.

 

Why?

 

I understand you're upset about the breakup but at some point you have to get tired of feeling this way and say to yourself "I will not allow control of my life to be handed to someone who doesn't care about me." As long as you dwell on the past that is essentially what you are doing. You will never find someone else and be happy until you are resolved to digging yourself out of this hole.

 

Let me tell you how I did it and maybe it will work for you. After a couple months I was just flat out tired of feeling the way you do. I wanted to have fun again and meet new people, but I was hung up on the ex. So what I did was think about how cold and in different she was to me. I mean, even when I took her to dinner she didn't want to talk to me or even smile. When she talked about her friends she was chipper but any talk about us and she would look away or frown. What a b*tch!

 

Now, why does someone like that even deserve my love? She doesn't. And once I realized that I said "To heck with her, she doesn't deserve someone like me in her life." From then on it's been no contact. I don't check up on her, I don't try and find out what she is doing or who she is with. I don't care anymore.

 

It wasn't long after that I began to stop thinking about her so much and I started smiling more. Then not long after that I just happened to meet someone that is light years better than the ex in every facet.

 

The only person in this world capable of digging you out of this hole is you. You have to not only want to do it but be determined to do it. There have been many threads about what you have to do, but ultimately you have to be the one who does it.

 

Stop checking up on her myspace page. In fact if I were you, stay away from myspace alltogether. Any time you check up on him or her you keep yourself down. Who cares what they are doing, it doesn't have any effect on your life anymore if you don't let it.

 

Look after yourself and make your needs a priority. Get some new hobbies, hang out with friends, go to the gym, do something to occupy your time. Focus on your self-confidence and self-esteem which I can tell from your post have taken a blow.

 

You've got a long going for you, so a long as you continue to let some doofus have control of your feelings you will stay down and not be able to find someone else. And trust me, you WILL find someone else as soon as you let go.

[Geoffrey]

....it was about two weeks. It was an unspoken thing between us, she was doing NC to heal (like I was) too.

 

Tonite I stop at her place to pick up the last of my things I left there when I moved out Dec 1....it will be bittersweet. It's been mutually put off for weeks, prob too painful for her....now she's telling me it will prob take more than one trip....go figure!

[Just Visiting]

Brittany...I agree with CaliGuy. I have done everything you are now doing when I broke up with someone. That was about three years ago. The relationship was short but intense, I thought we were on the road to something. He was my first in alot of things. But he got up and bailed out on me, without saying a single word or giving any indication that he wanted to bail. The first months were hell. I lost almost twenty pounds from the stress. Finally I found out that he got back with an ex. It just added salt to the wound.

 

After the break-up, I obsessed, cried, asked endless questions, checked his email activities...everything. And I did that for almost two years!!!! I did eventually moved onto another relationship which was even better than that one. And that one broke up about four months ago. Even though it has been tough, I have learned not to put myself down for so long. It's a waste of time. I have definitely learned from the other break up. My ex has profiles on hi5 and other networks, and I avoid them like the plague, even though I am tempted at times. But it will only stall my healing process. I am seeing the current break-up as a wake-up to deal with old emotional issues. And I am thankful for that.

 

No one is going to make it better until you make the decision to do it for yourself. I know how hard it is. I miss and think about my ex alot. But he made the decision to leave the relationship, and I have enough love for myself not to grovel over it. I can't say that I am over him, but once I made the decision to make my life better, things have been getting alot more upbeat for me.

 

You are going to have to start taking your power back. You have no choice. Everyone here wants to see you heal, learn, and move on. Do you want to be still thinking and writing the same things a year from now? Do you really want to be constantly checking up on your ex's affairs? Do you love yourself enough to stop this madness? I certainly hope so.

[Brittanyjean06]

thanks caliguy, and geo- so much- I really am going to try real hard to let go- what if i all together stop thinking about memories- i can force my self not to- is that unhealthy to do- I really need some growing up to do- this is quite painful- but i think you guys are right- I feel like no matter what he does- he is a god in my eyes- and thats just because i have feelings for him- on a subcounsious level- i am holding on to hope- i think when it hits me, is when my emotions come pouring out on the table-

 

but i want it to hit me- and than for me to get over it- but that is hard

 

first loves are tough like that right?-I want to take control of my emotions-but i am sooo emotional i wish i could just say" screw that im too cool" haha but its tough but im going to try- I really am scared of always dwelling i feel like if i don't dwell- i'd only be pretending to my self-

 

he is a doofus- hahaha

[LN8840K]

from 3 hours to 1.5 years

[cleo]

from 3 hours to 1.5 years

 

sorry.. just curious... what happened after 1.5 yrs?

[CaliGuy]

thanks caliguy, and geo- so much- I really am going to try real hard to let go- what if i all together stop thinking about memories- i can force my self not to- is that unhealthy to do- I really need some growing up to do- this is quite painful- but i think you guys are right- I feel like no matter what he does- he is a god in my eyes- and thats just because i have feelings for him- on a subcounsious level- i am holding on to hope- i think when it hits me, is when my emotions come pouring out on the table-

 

That's because you put him on a pedestle. Start remembering the bad things about him and you soon realize he wasn't nearly as great as you thought he was.

 

How could he be if he doesn't appreciate you??

 

but i want it to hit me- and than for me to get over it- but that is hard

 

As soon as you tell yourself you are tired of feeling this way and really mean it, you'll notice a change. Slowly at first but it will come.

 

first loves are tough like that right?-I want to take control of my emotions-but i am sooo emotional i wish i could just say" screw that im too cool" haha but its tough but im going to try- I really am scared of always dwelling i feel like if i don't dwell- i'd only be pretending to my self-

 

he is a doofus- hahaha

 

 

He is a doofus. The sooner you realize he isn't worth your time the sooner you will start smiling again.

[theclash]

when my ex first broke up with me almost a year ago, he got back in touch wanting to get back together after 3 weeks. we broke up 3 weeks after the second chance though. 2 months later we got back in touch, but he messed me around for a month, leading me on.

 

In the end he told me he met someone else, even though i thought we were back together. I havent really heard from him since. Ive deleted his number. hes got a new one now anyway. We are friends again, but i cant stand him, cos he told my boyfriends brother that he "shagged me then dumped me" I'm a virgin. Since my bf told me what my ex said to james my bf's bro, me and my bf have tried our best to avoid my ex. It's worked. I last saw him 3 months ago

 

He has emailed me back in november though. asking me about my boyfriend

[pistol]

It took two months for my ex to get back in contact with me, it was really hard for me not to contact her, in the end I had to remove any contact numbers I had for her.

 

Seeing her again was amazing, just spending quality time together the problem was that we both knew we had unresolved issues that neither of us talked about. When I decided that I need to know what was going on we chatted at length for about two hours, about everything, and yes I did get closure on alot of subjects. The only thing is seeing her again has opened old wounds and old feelings I had for her. It was worth it but now I have to try and get back to where I was before, and then more.

 

Its a difficult decision, I'm definately glad I waited for her, otherwise she may never have opened up like she did had I pushed for answers, but beware it will lead to further pain.

[Butterflying]

I dumped a man because he cheated on me with someone else. I never contacted him again. But he contacted me 1 1/2 years after our break up because he and his new GF were finished. By then, I had moved on with my life and didn't want him anymore.

 

My last XBF dumped me for someone else. So far, it's been over 2 months NC. I understand his situation. I'm willing to wait another four months to see if he comes back to me. I sitll love him because he never took advantage of me, never lied to me, and never cheated on me. If he doesn't come back in four months, I know my feelings for him will fade.

 

The time doesn't really matter because each situation is different. It seems like you are trying to use NC time to make a determination of some kind. But it depends on your feelings. What difference will it make to you rather you SO contacts you two days after NC, or two years? That's what matters.

[Raven1845]

So far I've been very disciplined. She's not saying what I want to hear so I have no reason to reply.

 

Hey CaliGuy,

 

Does this mean if my ex ever says something I want to hear, that it's okay to respond? Would you respond to yours in that instance as well?

[CaliGuy]

Hey CaliGuy,

 

Does this mean if my ex ever says something I want to hear, that it's okay to respond? Would you respond to yours in that instance as well?

 

Yes, because at that point YOU are in control. See, NC allows you the time away to reflect, to heal, to know what you want, to get back in control of your life and to snag it away from the ex.

 

When that eventually happens (and it will) if the ex does contact you and starts saying what you want to hear then you have two choices.

 

1. You can walk away knowing you deserve better.

2. If they have changed then control of the situation is squarely back in your lap and you decide what you want, what the rules are, what you will accept and what you will not.

 

Don't let your guard down. If he starts saying what you want to hear, the logical first question should be "What has changed?" Evaluate what he has to say and decide for yourself if you feel he is telling the truth, if he has truly changed and if he is what you want.

 

If you decide to get back together, lay down the rules. Tell him up front what your boundaries are and if he crosses them but sure to have repercussions for doing so.

 

NC means no contact FROM you. Part of NC is to allow them to see what life is like without you. Sometimes they come back but most often they do not. In the meantime you've healed up and are ready for someone new and more deserving of you. NC does not mean never ever talking to them again. The only allowable instance is if they initiate it and they are saying what you want to hear.

 

If this is the case with you I will only lay out one warning: Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on me.

 

That is why I believe you must lay down the ground rules, have boundaries, have a life outside of your S/O and most definitely do not depend or need them. Have hobbies, have friends and work out. Those three things alone will help you significantly by showing you are independent.

 

Boundaries are important because it shows you have self-respect and you won't allow someone to treat you badly, take advantage of you or take you for granted.

 

When you allow someone back into your life who dumped you, you really have to get to the bottom of why that happend, what has changed and what YOU want. You are not weak by giving them a second chance if you've really changed for the better yourself and you lay down the rules. If they cross the boundaries again, eject them and run.

 

The only way a second chance really works is if you start from scratch. Don't be in a hurry to start where you left off as that will guarantee you will end up right back where you were. Broken up again.

 

That means don't rush into sex, don't rush into being committed right away. Don't always be there for him. Have a life, have friends, have hobbies. Be wary of old patterns returning for they are a warning sign he has not truly changed.

 

Don't be quick to give your heart back to him. Do have fun, do enjoy the relationship but be a bit of skeptic. It takes a long time for people to change.

 

Above all: No third chances. Period.

[fromfaraway]

well, you are asking how long it takes for an ex to contact somebody they you were with?

 

A GF contacted me after 2 years. She left me for another guy, and pretended there was nothing between the two of us. I moved on, and after two years she came back and UNEQUIVOCALLY begged me to take her back. I said no. She begged to be just my friend, I said no. She told me how much she regreted it and it only took her sometime to realize she missed so much on me.

 

Later, the same thing happened with an other girl. She left me because she "was no ready for a relationship." I left her when I saw her kissing another guy so shortly after that. After six months she begged to come back and I was so clear: no.

 

Just a few months ago, I heared back from agirlfriend I loved very much. We broke up because she was so scared of commitment. We tried to stay friends and it did not work. Anyway, she emailed me after two years. I was happy to hear back from her, and I was very friendly towards her. She did not how to handle it, so she did not write again. She does have serious problems, and her writing to me gave me closure.

 

The thing is I never play the NC game. I simply do not play games at all. I do show how much I care for someone, but once they show me they do not want it or start playing games with me, I stop it and move on. I have no regrets, except for one. I contacted my first love after ten years. I was very young and sensitive so I lost her then. I still love her, and will never forget about her. It has been 13 years already, and if she is not married I would have went back and asked to be with her. Life is too short for us to spend it in games.

 

Best of luck for you!