crazy lady Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 I have been divorced now for just over three months now. My ex and I had two beautiful girls together. When he left, he gave me sole custody of both girls. He does have visitation of once a week and every other weekend as set in the divorce decree. However, I allow him to see the girls when he wants. He chooses to take them very minimally and never calls them. Each time my children come home from an over night visit (which is only one night, twice a month), my eight year old tells me of these "friends" that her dad has. Each time there is a different "friend." My child cannot even keep track of names anymore. These "friends" are sleeping over while my girls are there. I feel this is very inappropriate considering the amount of time he spends with our girls as well as the women he has coming and going. I can't imagine he knows these women well enough to have my girls sleeping under the same roof. This is not as the way I want to raise my girls. I don't want my girls to grow up thinking that women are disposable, use them and lose them. I honestly don't care what he does with his life. He is now someone elses problem but, am I in the wrong to step in when my girls are put in the middle of this??? I don't want to tell him how to live his life. I just want protect my girls.
My_Other_I Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 He has no right to do that. Talk to your divorce lawyer/court and have him add to the agreement that while the girls are over, he must not have women over. He might easily lose any visitation rights over this. You need to protect them, this is not healthy. Let's hope it's at least safe - meaning they won't do any physical damage to the girls. Grr...some men....
Author crazy lady Posted January 10, 2006 Author Posted January 10, 2006 I am glad to know that someone else feels the same way I do. I don't understand why I have to point out the obvious.....his girls should come first! I have no money for an attorney and neither does he. I know I need to address this and am not exactly sure how. I don't want him taking anything out on my eight year old for telling me what her dad is doing. They have a rocky relationship as it is.
Roo-bie2 Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 These "friends" could be male friends and I would be more worried then. Yes, you want to protect your kids from this but doing it can cause a bigger rift. Plus it can back fire. What if you want to have a partner move in and not be married? How long do they need to be married or dating? You have the kids more what about your date and sex life? Yes, he should use more discression but this is out of your control and long as the women are nice to your girls.
soar eyes Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 I think this should be in the parenting forum. Anyway, I have 3 kids and divorced for 8 years. My exh is a womanizer and has been. My girls have seen women come in and out like a revolving door. Still happening to this day. One thing is it is not good practice to drill your daughters. They need to have a good relationship with their father and know that you will foster that relationship. Yes my ex still doesn't spend alot of time with them when they are with him, but they still get some quality time in sometimes. The courts can prevent him from seeing them but they can't make him see them. You will have to learn how to let go, when it comes to your exh and his time with your kids. It its HIS time and you have no control over it. The more you dig into his time it might come back to haunt you. When your kids come home to you just kiss them and if they have any concerns try to talk to your ex in a non threatning manner and teach them to tell your ex when something bothers them or when they have questions about something. If he is anything like mine, he will use your children any way he can to hurt you, so confronting him just adds fuel to the fire and you will never know what is coming down the pike. I hope he isn't like that.
notmakingsense Posted January 11, 2006 Posted January 11, 2006 I'm no lawyer -- but I seriously doubt that the courts are going to be able to do much about your ex's "friends" unless he is exposing your daughters to some specifically innappropriate behavior. Instead... try to appeal (in a non threatening way like Soar says) to his common sense... does he want his daughters to grow up thinking that having a new friend sleep over every week is normal? Where I disagree with Soar is that I think you should be asking your daughters *lots* of questions about what is happening in his household. If you get *any* indication that they are being exposed to innapropriate behavior, or if your ex's friends have been charged with looking after them and aren't doing a good job -- THEN you can talk to the lawyer/courts. When they are older and can better fend for themselves, you don't need to be nosy any longer.
Author crazy lady Posted January 11, 2006 Author Posted January 11, 2006 Thank you all so much for your advice! I try not to ask my girls too many questions. I ask if they had a good time with their dad and what they did while they were with him. I keep it pretty upbeat and the questions the same. It is when my child tells me that his "friend" was with them I get worreid. It seems each time he takes the girls he has a different one around. My child can't keep names straight. On top of that, he lets his child go with these women in her car alone. Can he really know these women that well??? I know I have no control over his life. I cannot tell him what to do on his time. But, when my girls are there, I think that is a different story!
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