North Pacific Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 Sorry in advance for the length of this post. There's a girl who lives about fifteen minutes away from me and goes to high school in the same town as me (but not the same school) who I met on MySpace in around June of last year. Although I thought she was very pretty all along, I never could have realistically imagined actually being a relationship with her. We kept in touch, and got to be pretty good internet friends. By around November, we were talking every day on AIM, and one day, on my birthday, fate allowed us to randomly run into each other in town. We made plans to hang out a few times, and the more we saw of each other in person, the more our affections for one another grew; it got to the point where we were talking online every single day for hours. We had such an amazing connection toward one another. Eventually, approximately a month after I first met her in person and after doing everything possible to express our feelings for one another shy of outright admitting it (mid-December), I asked her out and she said yes. For the first week, we were very happy together and everything seemed perfect; however, then all of a sudden, she suddenly seemed more withdrawn and obviously upset about something. I asked her if it had to do with me, and she insisted it didn't, saying that sometimes she simply gets that way due to stress and not really being able to keep up with so many rapid changes in her life. I did my best to console her, but it seemed as though she was still very hung up on something. On New Year's Eve, we had made plans to hang out, but unfortunately the weather was very bad (snow). It turned out, however, that she had been at her ex-boyfriend's birthday party that day (without telling me out of fear of how I would react, for which she now apologizes), and she realized what it was that was happening: her feelings for him had not subsided, in spite of the fact that their relationship ended very badly with him hurting her quite a bit. The next day, she told me that she had come to realize what the problem had been: that she feels as though she rushes into things too quickly, and that she wasn't 100% ready for a new relationship. Basically, she dumped me. I was, of course, crushed; meanwhile, she apologized profusely, telling me that the way she feels for me hasn't changed, that none of it was my fault at all (I did nothing but treat her well), and that the last thing she wants to do is to shut me out of her life. I told her that no matter what happens, I can't afford to lose her as a friend and that I want to continue to be close to her, and she agreed. It's been about a week now since our two-week relationship ended, and we are both very unhappy and facing similar situations: I am heartbroken because she left me, and she is heartbroken because her ex-boyfriend keeps hurting her and is seemingly unwilling to return into a relationship with her (although I really do not know what's going on there). I care about her very much, realize that she is very confused, and would like very much to get back together with her at some point (I really can't imagine myself with any other girl). It's all just so complicated. What can I do? Should I just be her friend for now, console her as her ex-boyfriend continues to hurt her, and give her time before trying to start a new relationship with her? I'm very lost and confused, and any help or advice would be much appreciated. Thank you very much.
GiveAndTake Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 I'm no expert, but I am 38 years old and a female. What I think you should do is, get yourself a new girlfriend immediately. Anyone. I know that sounds like a game but it'll pass the time while you wait for what you really want. You can still be friends with her. As a matter of fact, remaining friends will only help because she'll see what she's missing with you. From your post, it sounds like she really likes you but is compelled by the comfort of her ex. That pull will immediately subside upon your taking a new girlfriend. You'll both be in the same boat. Friends but with a significant other. She won't like it. She'll want you back as a boyfriend. I'm guessing within a week.
Author North Pacific Posted January 9, 2006 Author Posted January 9, 2006 So kind of like a jealousy thing? That's an option I guess, but I guess I don't want to drag another innocent victim into this only to end up hurting them. Maybe if it happened less overtly than actually getting a new girlfriend, I'm not sure. But your advice is very much welcomed, thank you very much.
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