dogex Posted January 18 Posted January 18 Being shy and introvert is ruining my life in every aspect, I see people around me telling jokes and laughing all day while I just can't fit in.
Foxhall Posted January 18 Posted January 18 Dont put any unnecessary pressure on yourself to try to be funny, share your stories, tell your story, dont be afraid to speak about your dreams, make an effort to get involved in conversations and find a comfort level people will warm to that or some of them will at least, and you will get better with more practice.
Author dogex Posted January 19 Author Posted January 19 On 1/18/2025 at 11:03 PM, Foxhall said: Dont put any unnecessary pressure on yourself to try to be funny, Expand It's difficult to do that when I see that the funny guys get all of the women's attention
basil67 Posted January 19 Posted January 19 On 1/19/2025 at 6:35 AM, dogex said: the funny guys get all of the women's attention Expand It's not true.....this is just your perception. I know many, many women who are married to/in relationships with men who aren't objectively funny. That said, when guys who are not particularly funny are hanging out with their mates, they do make each other laugh and so they appear to be funny
Author dogex Posted January 19 Author Posted January 19 On 1/19/2025 at 6:41 AM, basil67 said: they do make each other laugh and so they appear to be funny Expand That's my problem I just can't make others laugh. In school I made myself a class-clown thinking that everybody would like me, but I ended becoming a irritating person, the memories from that time still haunt me so I promised (to myself) to never act like an idiot ever again. However this also haven't been working for me either, now I'm off-putting/scary for only mind my own business all the time. Wish I could make jokes and have a good time like everybody else.
basil67 Posted January 19 Posted January 19 On 1/19/2025 at 7:48 AM, dogex said: That's my problem I just can't make others laugh. In school I made myself a class-clown thinking that everybody would like me, but I ended becoming a irritating person, the memories from that time still haunt me so I promised (to myself) to never act like an idiot ever again. However this also haven't been working for me either, now I'm off-putting/scary for only mind my own business all the time. Wish I could make jokes and have a good time like everybody else. Expand I'm talking about laughing with your mates. Do you have mates? Do you all laugh together?
Author dogex Posted January 19 Author Posted January 19 On 1/19/2025 at 8:10 AM, basil67 said: I'm talking about laughing with your mates. Do you have mates? Do you all laugh together? Expand I have, but I'm always afraid of tell jokes and be misunderstood (as it already hapenned...) or go back to the stupid class-clown role
ExpatInItaly Posted January 19 Posted January 19 I am a woman who is often described as "funny." I don't try to be funny; it's just my character and sense of humour. I enjoy this aspect of my personality and always take it as a compliment when someone tells me I'm funny. I appreciate a sense of humour in the men I date, but it's usually me who is "the funny one" in my relationships. I couldn't date a man who is Mr. Serious all the time, but I am fine dating a guy who who is simply relaxed and appreciates my humour. He doesn't need to be a comedian himself. 1
Author dogex Posted January 19 Author Posted January 19 On 1/19/2025 at 12:23 PM, ExpatInItaly said: I couldn't date a man who is Mr. Serious all the time, Expand I think this is me On 1/19/2025 at 12:23 PM, ExpatInItaly said: but I am fine dating a guy who who is simply relaxed and appreciates my humour. He doesn't need to be a comedian himself. Expand True, I need to chill... I know guys who only tell a joke here and there but are simply OK most of the time. How do I appreciate someones humor? I'm often target of jokes but I don't know how to respond, this creates a really bad atmosphere between me and the person who made joke.
Els Posted January 19 Posted January 19 Humor is a very personal thing. Take the most popular comedians in the world - each of them has a fanbase who finds him/her to be very funny, and also people who think that he/she is overrated. That's why a shared sense of humor is a powerful thing. It's one of the things that indicates chemistry and connection - that both of you find the same things funny.
basil67 Posted January 19 Posted January 19 I was out yesterday with a group, there were a lot of laughs but nobody was telling jokes. Telling jokes would have been weird Instead, it was all about friendly banter....and alcohol. For better or worse, alcohol is a social lubricant
Author dogex Posted January 20 Author Posted January 20 On 1/19/2025 at 3:50 PM, Els said: That's why a shared sense of humor is a powerful thing. It's one of the things that indicates chemistry and connection - that both of you find the same things funny. Expand So true, so true, but I wished to have a wider sense of humor to make people around me happy. On 1/19/2025 at 9:14 PM, basil67 said: Instead, it was all about friendly banter....and alcohol. For better or worse, alcohol is a social lubricant Expand Yes, what I mean by funny/jokes is banter, english is not my first tongue.
Gebidozo Posted January 20 Posted January 20 I have the reputation of someone who can make women laugh, so allow me to give you an advice. The golden rule of humor is to take everything and everyone seriously except yourself. You can only be funny if you’ve lost your self-consciousness. So the first thing to do is to stop thinking that you aren’t funny. And the next thing is to stop thinking about yourself altogether. You have to let go of our doubts, your insecurities, and your ego. You must fully chill and relax before you even try anything. Then, once you’ve achieved a state of self-diminution, a dissolution of self and an altruistic mindset that is fully directed at making other people feel good, you can start with the kind of humor that never fails: self-deprecating irony. Being funny starts and ends with laughing at yourself. The reason why women like funny guys is not because they have mastered some comedic tricks or because their jokes are objectively funny. The reason is this: a genuinely funny person is, above all, completely sincere, direct, vulnerable, critical of oneself, and has no fear. These are the traits that women tend to like a lot in men. 2
Author dogex Posted January 20 Author Posted January 20 On 1/20/2025 at 12:34 AM, Gebidozo said: The golden rule of humor is to take everything and everyone seriously except yourself. Then, once you’ve achieved a state of self-diminution, a dissolution of self and an altruistic mindset that is fully directed at making other people feel good, you can start with the kind of humor that never fails: self-deprecating irony. Being funny starts and ends with laughing at yourself. Expand I still don't get it, this is what I did in my class-clown phase, always make fun of myself, but this only made me look really stupid
ExpatInItaly Posted January 20 Posted January 20 On 1/19/2025 at 1:48 PM, dogex said: How do I appreciate someones humor? I'm often target of jokes but I don't know how to respond, Expand Let me be clear: I do not make fun of people. It is not my nature to be unkind and that is not my brand of humour. If someone is targeting you with jokes that hurt your feelings, be honest that you don't appreciate it. There is a big difference between telling literal jokes (which I never really do), and having a sense of humour and enjoying a laugh with others. On 1/20/2025 at 8:26 AM, dogex said: I did in my class-clown phase, always make fun of myself, but this only made me look really stupid Expand Were you going overboard to the point of being obnoxious or something? Give us an example of a joke you made about yourself that you felt made you look stupid. It's very difficult to offer feedback without an example to go on. 1
basil67 Posted January 20 Posted January 20 On 1/20/2025 at 8:26 AM, dogex said: I still don't get it, this is what I did in my class-clown phase, always make fun of myself, but this only made me look really stupid Expand I was out having a lot of laughs with a group on the weekend. But nobody did self depreciating humour....I agree that there's not much of it around
Author dogex Posted January 20 Author Posted January 20 On 1/20/2025 at 9:20 AM, ExpatInItaly said: be honest that you don't appreciate it. Expand Indeed, I need to stand up for myself and stop trying to stupidly please everybody. On 1/20/2025 at 9:20 AM, ExpatInItaly said: Were you going overboard to the point of being obnoxious or something? Give us an example of a joke you made about yourself that you felt made you look stupid. It's very difficult to offer feedback without an example to go on. Expand I admit that I overdid it, I tried to act "crazy" thinking it would be funny as hell but it never worked, I was just "weird" and nobody liked it.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 20 Posted January 20 On 1/20/2025 at 10:09 AM, dogex said: I tried to act "crazy" thinking it would be funny as hell Expand What is an example of something "crazy" that you did?
Foxhall Posted January 20 Posted January 20 Dates can be tense situations at times- especially for us shyer people and particularly dates arising from online sites which are effectively blind dates, I should be an experienced operator at this stage- like Ive been on a lot of dates and had a few relationships over the years, but at mid 40s trying to get back out there again, I went on a date yesterday and it was awkward- I was surprised myself I found a few of those awkward silences coming back that I thought were a thing of the past, the self depreciating humour can be good as mentioned above - " I really should not be this awkward at this stage of my life" I threw that in and it got a laugh out of her, she started opening up a bit more then telling me about funny speed dating experiences she had, but I left the encounter thinking No that was not good enough I need to be sharper next time, Dont be too hard on yourself would again be my message, lets face it dating can be difficult for shyer people- I was very shy twenty years ago- not as much now but Ill never be a natural at it, I think a drink definitely does help- Im not much of a drinker nowadays but you know I was thinking could have done with it yesterday, Its about relaxing or getting into environments where you are more relaxed, its always going to be tricky when your feeling tense which is the essence of blind date coffee dates, losing the self consciousness- easier said than done but that has to be the goal.
Gebidozo Posted January 20 Posted January 20 On 1/20/2025 at 8:26 AM, dogex said: I still don't get it, this is what I did in my class-clown phase, always make fun of myself, but this only made me look really stupid Expand By “making fun of oneself”, I don’t mean “acting like a clown”. I mean treating yourself with a dose of irony. Not taking yourself too seriously. You being so worried about not being funny enough is taking yourself too seriously.
Author dogex Posted January 20 Author Posted January 20 On 1/20/2025 at 10:57 AM, ExpatInItaly said: What is an example of something "crazy" that you did? Expand Be irritating, speak weird stuff, etc. On 1/20/2025 at 11:24 AM, Foxhall said: I should be an operator at this stage- like Ive been on a lot of dates and had a few relationships over the years, but at mid 40s trying to get back out there again, I went on a date yesterday and it was awkward- I was surprised myself I found a few of those awkward silences coming back that I thought were a thing of the past, the self depreciating humour can be good as mentioned above - " I really should not be this awkward at this stage of my life" Expand I'm on the same boat, almost 25 with zero dating experience, I should have been over this stuff with 15... On 1/20/2025 at 11:24 AM, Foxhall said: Its about relaxing or getting into environments where you are more relaxed, its always going to be tricky when your feeling tense which is the essence of blind date coffee dates, losing the self consciousness- easier said than done but that has to be the goal. Expand On 1/20/2025 at 12:31 PM, Gebidozo said: You being so worried about not being funny enough is taking yourself too seriously. Expand Both are RIGHT, I should be calmer, but see the years go by is driving me nuts, which in turn scare of the women, it's a vicious cycle.
Gebidozo Posted January 20 Posted January 20 (edited) On 1/20/2025 at 12:39 PM, dogex said: Both are RIGHT, I should be calmer, but see the years go by is driving me nuts, which in turn scare of the women, it's a vicious cycle. Expand Exactly, it’s a vicious cycle. That’s why, like all evil things, it can only be destroyed by your own will. My own vicious cycle used to be (and partly still is) thinking myself unworthy of being loved. The more I thought like that, the more I acted like that; the more I acted like that, the less I was loved. Vicious cycle. Result? Three divorces before I turned 40. Edited January 20 by Gebidozo
Author dogex Posted January 20 Author Posted January 20 On 1/20/2025 at 12:45 PM, Gebidozo said: Exactly, it’s a vicious cycle. That’s why, like all evil things, it can only be destroyed by your own will. My own vicious cycle used to be (and partly still is) thinking myself unworthy of being loved. The more I thought like that, the more I acted like that; the more I acted like that, the less I was loved. Vicious cycle. Result? Three divorces before I turned 40. Expand Whoa tough story man, I used to be very self loathing always complaining/blaming my appearance etc. Today I struggle to accept that I'm normal, just didn't behave right.
ShyViolet Posted January 20 Posted January 20 On 1/20/2025 at 10:09 AM, dogex said: I admit that I overdid it, I tried to act "crazy" thinking it would be funny as hell but it never worked, I was just "weird" and nobody liked it. Expand Don't try hard to be funny if that's not naturally how you are. That sounds awful. Stop focusing on trying to be "funny", you need to focus more on just being more comfortable around people, being yourself, not feeling so self-conscious. Don't try hard to be something you're not. There's nothing worse than that and it won't work.
LuckyM Posted January 30 Posted January 30 (edited) Being funny doesn't have to be telling jokes. it means wit and sarcasm these days. Dark humor is always in. Trial and error. Twisting words and phrases is one way. Play a trump in cards or play cards with trump... Silly humor is out and considered dumb, but I like it. Watch and learn from older comedians and tv comedies and Use them at the right times in conversation , and they must be fast, but no puns. Jokes may not find you girls but at least you will entertain yourself. Of course, your inflection and tone of voice matters a lot. Good luck. Edited January 30 by LuckyM
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