teethbrushes Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 I've rehashed this story many times, but I thought I'd ask a question: so here's the scoop. We were each other's first loves, first sexual experiences, first everything. I was a little older than him. VERY out of the blue, he broke up with me and even admitted it was out of the blue. We had earlier just fantasized about marriage and family and he told me he loved me that day, and then he broke up with me. He said he had been thinking about it for about a day and decided it was probably right. Basically there was no reason other than "its not working out for me". He kept calling me, etc. and I told him to quit and he told me he had broken up with me because I was at a place in my life where I needed to meet a husband and he wasn't ready (which isn't true, I'm only 21!). I told him to quit talking to me for a while...we talked on the phone everyday for the next week. And then I told him it was a bad idea and we should quit. He wanted to remain friends and was very adament and told me to tell him when I had "detatched myself" from him. So about three weeks later, we were talking on the phone and I found out he had a new girlfriend. I went CRAZY and I acted like a total idiot, told him I hated him, wrote him a nasty letter and told me to never EVER talk to me again and that I regreted that I had lost my virginity to him since he was able to move on so fast. He protested and said he hadn't moved on so fast....but a lot can change in a month and he had moved on. I admit I made it a huge deal, btu I was blindsighted. This kid had told me just a month earlier that he wanted to be with me forever, that I was the best thing that had ever happened to him, that he didn't want to do anything to screw it up. I didn't talk to him for like 2 months after that and then I wrote him an apology e-mail. He just wrote back and said "I read the e-mail. Thanks." About 7 months went by and he then moved to where I live and began taking some classes with me. He was VERY enthusiastic to see me and we even started hanging out a little bit. I told him I was excited we could be friends without falling in love, which is what he had wanted, and then he began to be very weird. He began to stare at me, but not talk to me. He'd say hi to me, but not anything else. He acted extremely uncomfortable around me. Sometimes he'd turn red. I asked him to be my "myspace friend" and he subsequently rejected me and set his profile to private. He then made friends with a whole bunch of my friends, and while I never heard him say an ill word about me (on the contrary, he always said I was really cool), we would spend entire days together in a group without him talking to me. One day we got in touch with each other and he ended up calling me and we talked for like 2 hours about everything. He said he missed me a lot, but couldn't be friends right now...but he didn't say why. When I brought up that I sometimes missed him as a boyfriend, he didn't reciprocate, but repeated something I had said to him about why I was glad we broke up. he just said he missed me and liked seeing me around. He also said he knew he was acting weird and wanted it to change...but didn't see us being friends "right away". Its just weird because I know he's like one of those people who's OBSESSED with people liking him, so I feel like if he simply just hated me, he'd be a lot less weird around me. He then began to invite me to parties, etc. but still act the same way. Everyone knwos we dated because he told pretty much everyone. He dated another girl for about three months and then dumped her back in June. He hasn't dated anyone since. He is still friends with all of my friends and hangs around me a lot, and will talk to me and seems happy to see me, but always shirks away from long conversations. But still stares at me, etc. What do you think is going on? This just REALLY bothers me because it makes me feel like I was the most important person in the world to him not that long ago, the girl he lost his innocence to, etc. and now I'm nothing. Its weird too because its like all of these people he barely knows are more important to him than I am...like they can be his myspace friends and I...am not allowed! And my friends are allowed to be his friends, however I am not. He is also REALLY nice to everyone, but is so weird with me. He's also able to talk to his most RECENT ex with ease. But not me. He also once told me that it took him A LONG time to get over a girl (he was harping over something scarring that had happened to him 18 months earlier when I was with him, not with a girl he liked but something) and liked to be by himself after girls...that he had loved me but had never loved any other of his girlfriends (which I actually do believe because we were friends for a while before and never thought we would date so there would be no reason to lie to me) but cared about them a lot so he wanted to be single for a while to get over them. So I can only infer that even though he loved me more than any of the other girls I took less time to get over since he was with a new girl less than a month later and he's now been single for 8 months after the girl he only dated for three? I am 21 and he is 19 and I had a talk with someone about it today. They said that they think he's just being immature and acted like at his age he was mentally incapable of sustaining a relationship anyway. I'm just confused though. If you are able to be friends with all of your other exes, why just one? And I don't understand the maturity factor...like if he's immature, I don't understand how this leads to this type of behavior...could someone explain it to me? Like if you're over someone, you're OVER them and there's really no need to be weird, maturity aside.
oss91 Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 That's the age of immaturity and also insecurity. Immature in the sense that people still act as though they were in highschool, and insecure because they realize they're getting older - as opposed to growing up - and don't know how to deal with it. If he is obsessed with being popular and having everyone like him, that is a sign of both immaturity and insecurity. He cares about what random people think of him, and shut out those who know him best. As people grow up, they begin to realize where tp properly place their priorities. He doesn't know how to deal with things right now, and that's probably why he broke up with you. He got rid of one of the few people that would willingly, having already been there, help him through this time. Here's to never being 19 again!
Author teethbrushes Posted January 11, 2006 Author Posted January 11, 2006 i guess it makes sense...but what i'm saying is how is behavior NOW chalked up to immaturity? You either are over someone or you aren't. Regardless of if you want to pursue a friendship, if you are in the same social circle, his behavior should at least be consistant. It shouldn't be a mix of being really excited to see me and then wanting to ignore me. It should be pretty standard. I'm just curious as to how awkwardness chalks up to immaturity.
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