witabix Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 For anyone following my recent threads, hello again. If you haven't, hello anyway. Well it finally happened this morning. Started last night, with another odd kind of conversation. She said I could not use my 'logical' communication style with her anymore. She said it was emotional abuse. Me an abuser? I sat and thought about this for a long time, while she sat there. I said that I only do this to get at the truth of a matter. The conversation slowly escalated. She compared me to her alcoholic brother. I was stunned. She repeatedly denied ever lying to me, even when I asked direct questions over things she had said and done. Actually said and done. Not inventions on my part. The conversation escalated even more, until she accused all men of being abusers, even my father. He has been dead eleven years, she never met him. My mother has been dead ten years, she never met her either. I had always been there for this woman. I was understanding of her sexual problems, I was there for her when her alcoholic brother started again, even offering to go round the bars and look for him. So many things and so much emotional investment, I really tried hard. Well that was the last straw for me, insulting me after I have been so understanding and patient was one thing, but suddenly insulting my father, who was a fine gentleman. He never drank or smoked, he went to church every day of his life, treated my mother and everyone else with total dignity and respect, and she knew this as she had asked about them. I could not believe it! I got her coat and bags, and put them in front of her and told her to leave. She refused. I took her by the wrist and started to lift her off the sofa, but my father's voice was shouting at me, no, this is not right. I felt like tearing the sun out of the sky. I swear had she been a man I would have killed her where she sat. Instead I made a cup of tea, and went to bed. She came into the bedroom and harangued me for an hour and a half. Finally she left in a stream of invective and hatred, and her parting comment was to call me a schizophrenic! I swear to God I have never been through such a hard time. I gave her all of me. She continually lied to me, I carried on through this. What a mug! I feel so relieved that it is finally over. I am a little worried that I have not heard the end of her. I get the feeling she may think she requires further contact or retribution, what that will be I will have to wait and see. Maybe time to change all my phone numbers? Thank God its over, I never want to go through anything like that again.
lindya Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 I had always been there for this woman. I was understanding of her sexual problems, I was there for her when her alcoholic brother started again, even offering to go round the bars and look for him. So many things and so much emotional investment, I really tried hard. You don't have to justify finishing this relationship. Of course partners should be supportive of eachother, but you were her lover - not her therapist. I gave her all of me. She continually lied to me, I carried on through this. What a mug! You fell in love. You did what you could to make it work, but her issues were too much. That doesn't make you a mug - it just makes you a human being who fell in love with someone who transpired to be more than averagely damaged by her life experiences. I feel so relieved that it is finally over. I'm relieved for you. Maybe time to change all my phone numbers? Definitely. This woman needs professional help, but that doesn't make her your lifelong responsibility...so don't let her manipulate you into believing that she is. Thank God its over, I never want to go through anything like that again. There's no reason for it to happen again, provided you focus on recovering from this relationship and can learn something valuable from it without allowing your trust/cynicism balance to go awry (and I'm sure you're much too good and smart a person for that to ever happen).
cygny Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 wow sorry to hear you had to go through this. it sounds like she was all defensive about her other friend, so decided to go on the offensive and attack you instead.
Lishy Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 Hey honey I have been reading your threads and you have really been through the mill lately havn't you! My take on it from your side of the story is that she is broke and it is not your job to fix her. She is, in fact, mentally abusing YOU and not the other way around. She is blaming YOU and even your dead parents for her issues. She has a hating problem and honey that is not YOUR problem. She has lied and mistreated you and no one deserves that. You did right not manhandling her honey. You did right not getting aggressive (I think I remember you saying you have aggressive tendencies) So all kudos to you my dear! You handled yourself like a man and I am sure your daddy would have been very proud of you. You have mentioned the alcholic thing before, do you drink alot? If so maybe you will need to cut that out whilst going through all of this. I too do not think you have heard the last of this woman. She is on the edge and if you can chanhe numbers and locks that is a good idea I think. As long as you are sure you and her are defiantely history! You have an upward hill to struggle with now. Your feeling of relief will change to anger and hurt and upset and this in unavoidable. You have to keep a clear head and deal with your emotions day by day. We are here for you to chat to and offer a friendly ear and some advice Wit and do not forget that!
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