Spicydicey449 Posted January 7 Posted January 7 Hello, I've posted here about this before but I guess I just need somewhere to vent again. I'm 29, and I've always had a really rough relationship with my grandma. She's a bully to everyone. Very narcissistic, always the victim and will only do nice things for you when it can be held over your head later. She primarily watched me and my sister growing up when my parents were working. And for that, i have very few memories other than extreme stress and fear. On Christmas (which I spent with her alone) she spent the entire time very matter of fact telling me how she thinks I'm going to hell. My dad lives next door and takes care of her, but has gotten so over it himself that he doesn't spend any more time than he has to around her. Which I don't blame him. But my issue here is, I feel an INTENSE amount of grief over her. Because she's alone and developing dementia. Like, her basic needs are taken care of yes. But nobody, including her other son, siblings or grandkids want to be around her. And any friends she has had, she runs off because she's so MEAN. So literally she's alone. Almost all of the time. And getting more confused. And the part that breaks my heart even more is now that the dementia is getting worse, she's having more moments of being almost nice. But I've had such a history with her, and the behavior is still so unpredictable that I can't do it. Being around her or even on the phone makes me physically ill. And sometimes I don't feel emotionally regulated for a week or so after interacting with her. Like I legit get ulcers if I have to interact with her too much. So I don't as much as I can. But then I feel this awful, deep grief that I'm struggling with heavily. Any advice is welcome.
ShyViolet Posted January 7 Posted January 7 46 minutes ago, Spicydicey449 said: Being around her or even on the phone makes me physically ill. And sometimes I don't feel emotionally regulated for a week or so after interacting with her. Like I legit get ulcers if I have to interact with her too much. If being around her makes you physically ill and is seriously detrimental to your well being, then STOP. Stop giving yourself guilt trips over this and mentally taking on the responsibility for her. You are not obligated to stay involved with an abusive family member. No one else in her life is willing to be around her anymore because of how abusive and mean she has been over the years? That's called the consequences of her actions. This situation isn't something that YOU created, and it's not your responsibility to solve. You said that your Dad takes care of her. So you don't even have to worry about that. Detach yourself from this. This is your permission to put your own well-being first.
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