asking a woman to go to the gym with me so I can become more attracted to her. is this wrong?

[zuzu420]

6 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

Well I think finishing school is more important than dating, so don't drop out of school just because of this.

My main point is, whatever you do, it's not ok to lie to dating partners about basic facts about yourself such as your living situation.  So I hope you're not considering doing that.  If the fact that you still live with your parents greatly shrinks your dating pool, then so be it.

By the way I didn't intend on lying to her. I just feel like maybe my chances would be greater if she got to know me in person after a few dates and didn't ask right away (not that she asked a bad question). I've never had a girlfriend because everything ruins my confidence including this. I've even unmatched some women on dating apps in the past because I was too afraid of judgement. It kills me that I didn't even try. Maybe I would have had a happy romantic life if I took a shot.

[ExpatInItaly]

4 hours ago, zuzu420 said:

I just feel like maybe my chances would be greater if she got to know me in person after a few dates and didn't ask right away

It's pointless to ruminate about this, because you obviously can't control what others will ask you, or when. 

She asked a question and you answered honestly. I don't get what other reasonable option you think you had there. Lie? Pretend she didn't ask and not answer? 

[basil67]

It's hard to comment without knowing the cost of living where you are, and the cost of tertiary education.  Or what your first degree qualified you for.     But how can you  justify spending the money on a masters degree if your income is so low that you'd be living check to check if you moved out?   

But yeah, I can see why it's causing you problems dating.  I really think you need to look at your life choices

[zuzu420]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

It's hard to comment without knowing the cost of living where you are, and the cost of tertiary education.  Or what your first degree qualified you for.     But how can you  justify spending the money on a masters degree if your income is so low that you'd be living check to check if you moved out?   

But yeah, I can see why it's causing you problems dating.  I really think you need to look at your life choices

because I'm hoping that getting a masters degree will allow me to have better opportunities to get a better job. it's either I pay rent and live check to check without having money to enjoy my life or get a better job. I masters program will allow me to get field work to get more job experience. all I have is years of entry level experience with no way to move up other than at my current job which may not make enough for any position I'm eligible for. does that make sense?

[zuzu420]

2 hours ago, basil67 said:

It's hard to comment without knowing the cost of living where you are, and the cost of tertiary education.  Or what your first degree qualified you for.     But how can you  justify spending the money on a masters degree if your income is so low that you'd be living check to check if you moved out?   

But yeah, I can see why it's causing you problems dating.  I really think you need to look at your life choices

I live in New York city which is expensive. I also have multiple mental health disorders which weren't properly diagnosed until recently. worried I might be stuck living with my parents until I'm 50. I can't get a better job without eligible experience and I can't get  eligible experience if they won't hire me in the first place so I've been stuck in that cycle. it doesn't make sense. it also took me extra years to graduate because I kept getting low grades in certain classes and became depressed . I have a physical activity and wellness degree.

[BaileyB]

Finishing school is important. That should be your priority.

Be honest with the women you date. Tell them you are living at home because you are going to school to better your education right now. And tell them that you have a plan to move out when you graduate and find employment.

 

[Sony12]

School is definitely more important than dating. I would honestly change who you are trying to date. A woman in her 20's would probably be more understanding of your situation than a woman in her 40's would be. A lot of 20 something year olds are probably living with their parents in New York City.

[zuzu420]

4 minutes ago, Sony12 said:

School is definitely more important than dating. I would honestly change who you are trying to date. A woman in her 20's would probably be more understanding of your situation than a woman in her 40's would be. A lot of 20 something year olds are probably living with their parents in New York City.

I guess but I never had a girlfriend and don't know what sex feels like due to meds. I don't wanna wait till I'm 50.

[ShyViolet]

11 hours ago, zuzu420 said:

By the way I didn't intend on lying to her. I just feel like maybe my chances would be greater if she got to know me in person after a few dates and didn't ask right away (not that she asked a bad question). 

Ok but you can't control whether someone asks this question...?

It's a question I think most people would ask pretty early on, because it's a basic fact about a person.  I think saying that you are living with your parents until you finish school is not a terrible answer and it's more admirable than say, someone who just lives with their parents indefinitely and is doing nothing with their life.

[zuzu420]

18 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

Ok but you can't control whether someone asks this question...?

It's a question I think most people would ask pretty early on, because it's a basic fact about a person.  I think saying that you are living with your parents until you finish school is not a terrible answer and it's more admirable than say, someone who just lives with their parents indefinitely and is doing nothing with their life.

I can't and I agree with this. but this lifelong loneliness/lack of sex really sucks. 

[ShyViolet]

1 hour ago, zuzu420 said:

I can't and I agree with this. but this lifelong loneliness/lack of sex really sucks. 

The fact that you live with your parents is not the sole reason why you're not getting dates.  Why have you never had a girlfriend, even throughout your entire 20s?  You sound like you have a lot of issues that affect your life; are you in therapy?

[zuzu420]

1 hour ago, ShyViolet said:

The fact that you live with your parents is not the sole reason why you're not getting dates.  Why have you never had a girlfriend, even throughout your entire 20s?  You sound like you have a lot of issues that affect your life; are you in therapy?

idk. I guess cuz I'm not confident enough. I see the kinds of guys women I like go for and they're usually taller or have more muscle than me 90% of the time which makes me feel like I'm not good enough. I've had women pursue me but most of them have been considerably overweight and it isn't my preference although I gave them a chance. I'll occasionally ask someone out and get rejected. Or I'll be ghosted or told that they're not feeling the chemistry after the date. it's tough being an average/below average guy. People say my looks aren't the issue but I see little evidence.

Edited May 16 by zuzu420

[ShyViolet]

You sound depressed, you sound like you have a very defeatist attitude, and like you have very low self-esteem and self-worth; all things that make you not in a place where you're ready to date.  You need to get yourself to a better place mentally.  Go to therapy, go to the gym or yoga, get out more, eat better.  Change the things that you do have the power to change and accept the things that you can't.

[ExpatInItaly]

You've posted here before, OP. 

I remember your other threads now, which started going around in circles with mostly the same thing: 

33 minutes ago, zuzu420 said:

I see the kinds of guys women I like go for and they're usually taller or have more muscle than me

We're about to go on repeat here, I fear. 

[zuzu420]

14 minutes ago, ShyViolet said:

You sound depressed, you sound like you have a very defeatist attitude, and like you have very low self-esteem and self-worth; all things that make you not in a place where you're ready to date.  You need to get yourself to a better place mentally.  Go to therapy, go to the gym or yoga, get out more, eat better.  Change the things that you do have the power to change and accept the things that you can't.

My therapist doesn't think muscle will make me more confident due to how my ocd works or whatever. he thinks I should try and be more confident in my own skin. maybe he's right. anyway, this current women I've been texting that has inspired this post didn't seem to react badly to the living with parents thing and the last girl I went on a date with still went on a date without me despite claiming she didn't fell the chemistry. so I'm hoping this isn't as much of a dealbreaker as I think.

[zuzu420]

7 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

You've posted here before, OP. 

I remember your other threads now, which started going around in circles with mostly the same thing: 

We're about to go on repeat here, I fear. 

which threads?

[smackie9]

On 5/13/2025 at 12:28 PM, zuzu420 said:

she hasnt responded. guess she found someone better looking 

You need to find better ways to cope with being rejected rather than putting yourself down. When you are negative, women can sense that a mile away....it's like repellent.

[zuzu420]

I'm a 33 year old male suffering from hairloss. i tried regrowing my hair but the pills killed my ability to get elections and killed my sex drive. I've tried shaving my head but get razor burn every time. I tried lifting weights but I can't get passed 150 pounds. seems like I can't win.

 

should I just give up at this rate and date a woman who's significantly overweight? I'm not attracted to them but they're the only ones interested in me.

Edited May 20 by zuzu420

[smackie9]

Buffy body or hair doesn't make the man....it's how you present yourself, your confidence, how you carry yourself, and what you can bring to the table, like financial and mental stability. As for shaving your head....go to a barber. Don't worry about bulking up, just keep fit. Find interesting hobbies, have a strong social circle, get out and enjoy life.

[zuzu420]

3 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

Buffy body or hair doesn't make the man....it's how you present yourself, your confidence, how you carry yourself, and what you can bring to the table, like financial and mental stability. As for shaving your head....go to a barber. Don't worry about bulking up, just keep fit. Find interesting hobbies, have a strong social circle, get out and enjoy life.

I need to shave my head every other day to keep the look since the hair grows back. confidence is good but I know I need the looks to back it up

[smackie9]

3 minutes ago, zuzu420 said:

I need to shave my head every other day to keep the look since the hair grows back. confidence is good but I know I need the looks to back it up

You also go to the barber for advice. They may offer products to help prevent razor burn/conditioner for the skin.

Edited May 20 by smackie9

[smackie9]

If you want to bulk up, you need to hire a proper trainer that also provides meal planning. It's not just about lifting weights, it about the fuel you will need to gain energy and muscle.

[zuzu420]

2 minutes ago, smackie9 said:

You also go to the barber for advice. They may offer products to help prevent razor burn/conditioner for the skin.

maybe. always worry that they'll think I'm no longer gonna give them business if I start doing it myself 

[smackie9]

Just now, zuzu420 said:

maybe. always worry that they'll think I'm no longer gonna give them business if I start doing it myself 

Who gives a flimflam what they think...just say you need to treat your skin between visits. OR you can google it up and see what you can score on amazon.

[smackie9]

Here's a link for a product line....https://www.beebald.com/?srsltid=AfmBOookTizL3tJaBatw5xLkm3oM7hEHLXyNTh9QfUyK2KriwBD3_428

Just look through amazon. They have a ton of product to try...just read the reviews for guidance.

Edited May 20 by smackie9