basil67 Posted June 4 Posted June 4 1 hour ago, zuzu420 said: I'm also wondering how this may work for ladies on here. Are guys more attractive to you when you're drunk? Is it just beer goggles? Of course women get beer googles. Why was alcohol invented? So unattractive people can get laid
Gebidozo Posted June 4 Posted June 4 32 minutes ago, zuzu420 said: I honestly wished I was able to read their minds. but that might make it worse. I'll end up getting over her and then probably run into this issue with another woman. I really hope it gets to the point where it doesn't hurt me as much. I imagine having ocd and being bipolar is making it harder for me to get over this stuff. Your constant worry about whether you are attractive or unattractive is one of the things that make you unattractive. Worrying about that, especially in situations involving drunk sex, is not just silly, it points to self-esteem issues and a deep lack of confidence.
zuzu420 Posted June 4 Posted June 4 10 minutes ago, basil67 said: Of course women get beer googles. Why was alcohol invented? So unattractive people can get laid so you're honestly saying that there's never times where women might find me attractive sober and that getting drunk might might make them more comfortable to approach me?
zuzu420 Posted June 4 Posted June 4 19 hours ago, basil67 said: The girls who will have sex with you - they are the ones who are in your league. The ones who won't go out with you - they are above your league As in I'm probably limited to a certain level of attractive options or are you speaking on women individually?
zuzu420 Posted June 4 Posted June 4 2 hours ago, Sanch62 said: What kind of pills? There are different kinds of hair loss treatments. Explore those avenues. It doesn't look like the other options have the best success rates.
basil67 Posted June 4 Posted June 4 4 minutes ago, zuzu420 said: As in I'm probably limited to a certain level of attractive options or are you speaking on women individually? I'm talking about leagues in general. The only people who leagues don't apply to are those who's intelligence and stellar personality makes up for their lack of looks. So if you're average looking, unless you're the kind of guy who everyone invites to all the parties, you are likely limited in your options. The hot girls go for the hot guys because they can. You're not the only person who's willing to sleep with an unattractive person but not date them.
zuzu420 Posted June 4 Posted June 4 (edited) 9 minutes ago, basil67 said: I'm talking about leagues in general. The only people who leagues don't apply to are those who's intelligence and stellar personality makes up for their lack of looks. So if you're average looking, unless you're the kind of guy who everyone invites to all the parties, you are likely limited in your options. The hot girls go for the hot guys because they can. You're not the only person who's willing to sleep with an unattractive person but not date them. I mean I might be considered average but I get invited to a lot of parties I'm not looking for 10/10 hot but I need to find them attractive enough. And I need to at least find someone somewhat attractive to sleep with them although I admit to going for anyone in the past. I'm not even sure if somewhat attractive is working for me. I might need the right girl for an actual relationship but I'm not sure. I've had people tell me that I need to lower my standards if I just want to hook up but I rather have a more meaningful connection or relationship with someone I'm fully attracted to. What you're saying is probably the reason why I always see guys who are taller and more muscular than me with the girls I like. but people are telling me this is confirmation bias. I don't know what to believe. my therapist says more muscle won't make me more confident with women based on how my brain works so I feel screwed and worried I'll have to be with someone I'm not attracted to. Otherwise maybe I have to work on having a stellar personality if that's what it takes Edited June 4 by zuzu420
zuzu420 Posted June 4 Posted June 4 On 5/21/2025 at 5:57 PM, FredEire said: Hair loss sucks man, I feel you. I was lucky to get through most of my 20s with a full head but I was around 28 when I started to notice thinning. It still isn't too severe because I got on minoxidil but I'm fully planning to go to Turkey for a transplant in the next couple of years. Is it too far gone for that to be an option? I also wouldn't consider finasteride, seen too many horror stories and was advised against it by a doctor. At the same time I do agree that at a certain stage you just have to say "f*** it, I'm bald". Would you be more attractive with hair? Probably. Is it ok to not like it? Absolutely. But being constantly self-conscious about it is probably more unattractive than the baldness itself. You have to strive to be the best you can be, bald or not. The gym thing for example there definitely is a solution to, anyone can gain good muscle with the right diet and training committment. I'd venture a guess that you need to up your food intake a lot (some people just need a really massive calorie intake) or at least a smarter restructuring of your diet, plus rechecking your training plan to make sure it's right for you. But yeah there's options, aside from a transplant I wouldn't think a "hair system"/wig is a bad option, if it makes you feel better about how you look why not? There's just a stigma around it for no good reason when people get all sorts of other cosmetic procedures all the time. Don't lose sight of the rest of the picture and get stuck on your hair though, just focus on what you can control. I'm rereading your reply again and according to my research you very often have to take finesteride after a transplant which kind of ruined the opportunity for me. I was ready to pay 6k for a transplant.(not sure if I said this already I'm tired)
zuzu420 Posted June 4 Posted June 4 17 hours ago, FredEire said: I feel like I should ask since I've seen similar comments from a few posters in other threads - if a guy fundamentally isn't attracted to women "in his league", should he be dating these girls despite it not being fair to them or himself? I think if this is the case it's actually better to just check out of dating entirely. My own take is that the world is a big place with many diverse people and diverse interests. If most women are "out of your league" that's a bitter pill to swallow but it's worth prioritising yourself and waiting for someone you're into who is into you. If that doesn't come along hey it sucks but it's a good deal better than marrying someone you're not into for the sake of it. I'd also rather honestly be dead than lonely for the rest of my life lol
zuzu420 Posted June 4 Posted June 4 2 hours ago, Gebidozo said: Who is wrong? Nobody said that the only women “available” to you are the ones you’re not attracted to. I was actually saying the very opposite, that attraction is always mutual. I keep emphasizing that and yet you never seem to understand this basic concept. It's not always mutual in my case which is what I'm saying. it's possible for someone to be attracted to someone and not have them be attracted in return. unless I'm missing part of your point. mutual attraction is when both people are attracted to each other.
basil67 Posted June 4 Posted June 4 37 minutes ago, zuzu420 said: I mean I might be considered average but I get invited to a lot of parties I'm not looking for 10/10 hot but I need to find them attractive enough. And I need to at least find someone somewhat attractive to sleep with them although I admit to going for anyone in the past. I'm not even sure if somewhat attractive is working for me. I might need the right girl for an actual relationship but I'm not sure. I've had people tell me that I need to lower my standards if I just want to hook up but I rather have a more meaningful connection or relationship with someone I'm fully attracted to. What you're saying is probably the reason why I always see guys who are taller and more muscular than me with the girls I like. but people are telling me this is confirmation bias. I don't know what to believe. my therapist says more muscle won't make me more confident with women based on how my brain works so I feel screwed and worried I'll have to be with someone I'm not attracted to. Otherwise maybe I have to work on having a stellar personality if that's what it takes If you're considered average, then you're in the league of average women. And the reason you always see tall muscular guys is because of confirmation bias. But if you have a true look around, you will see men of all shapes and sizes and looks who have partners. Meanwhile, your therapist is right. Is it wise to be confusing yourself by getting comments from random strangers who have never met you or seen your social skills?
zuzu420 Posted June 4 Posted June 4 (edited) 12 minutes ago, basil67 said: If you're considered average, then you're in the league of average women. And the reason you always see tall muscular guys is because of confirmation bias. But if you have a true look around, you will see men of all shapes and sizes and looks who have partners. Meanwhile, your therapist is right. Is it wise to be confusing yourself by getting comments from random strangers who have never met you or seen your social skills? what do I do if I'm not attracted to a lot of or most "average" women then? Are the hot guys you're referring to not taller than 5 foot 8 and muscular because those are usually the guys I see with the women I like. I was thinking you'd say it wasn't confirmation bias and those were the guys you were referring to. And yes there's different guys with partners. not saying they're not. but the ones who are less than conventionally attractive are often with women I don't find attractive which makes me feel hopeless. And no it's probably not wise because idk who's right and wrong or whether you're right or wrong but it pains me to think that I'll never find anyone I'm attracted to. it's going to be really hard for me to be happy if my only options are extremely average looking women. People tell me looks fade but that statement doesn't help. I'm also thinking that while more muscle won't help my confidence that it will draw more attention from women I find attractive. Edited June 4 by zuzu420
ExpatInItaly Posted June 4 Posted June 4 6 hours ago, zuzu420 said: I honestly feel extremely misled also. as if she just completely used me for her own satisfaction and nothing more. That can't all just be alcohol. Huh? Misled...how? She didn't say she wanted to date you or be your girlfriend. She didn't promise you anything. You are being very unreasonable. And honestly? She could be thinking exactly the same thing about you - that you used her for your satisfaction knowing she was completely oblierated. You could have easily left her at home and avoided any sexual interaction knowing the state she was in. You didn't do that, though. You proceeded to try to have some intimacy anyway. I'd get off your high horse there, bud. You don't have a leg to stand on. 1
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