Author tazz4 Posted January 9 Author Posted January 9 (edited) 14 minutes ago, basil67 said: If no none of them is interested in you at face value, then yes, they are out of your league. Why don't you tell us more about yourself - we may be able to pick why you're not in their league. Perhaps it's something you can fix. How old are you? What kind of job do you have? What are your friends like? What do you enjoy doing socially? What are your interests? What's your living situation? What do you look like? Do you dress well? I'm 33 and work in an animal research department making $23 an hour while living with my parents in nyc. i have a bachelor's degree but no work experience in anything that pays well. I like videogames, music, hiking and playing guitar. I'm paying for grad school courses in public health in hopes it will get me a better job. I have maybe some interest in it? I don't really have much options at this rate. its not the most passionate path. but i cant gain experience since most jobs wont higher me to get that experience.my mental health disorders f***ed my life up and I'm now on better meds which are also killing my sex drive which may be why I feel like i need a model gf. I'm running out of time so I pulled the trigger and said f*** it. my therapist is in support of this and days I should trust the universe as i believe it's my higher power. my living situation is my biggest insecurity. I feel like a f***ing loser and for many years I wanted to die tbh(not to mention antidepressant withdrawals) I have a pretty good social life despite all of this I feel like my fashion improved as I get compliments. I'm 5 foot 8, bald with a beard and not a lot of muscle. but due to having ocd my therapist says more muscle won't improve my confidence with women due to having ocd. (I don't tell women I live with parents right away) Edited January 9 by tazz4
Author tazz4 Posted January 9 Author Posted January 9 23 minutes ago, Gebidozo said: It’s not creepy to feel emotional attraction from a kiss. It’s slightly creepy that you get so defensive over this and generally have this fussy, hyper-worried attitude about these things. You’re freaking out about what to wear, for example. Complaining about model-like women not liking you. Having trouble to perform due to some “sagging parts”. And so on. Normally, I’d just tell you to relax, to chill, but there might be deeper issues at work here. I think you should actively discuss this with your therapist and listen to their advice. fair
NuevoYorko Posted January 9 Posted January 9 Seriously you sound like an okay fellow. Try to keep a sense of humor about your circumstances, cultivate your self awareness, be open to women who may be neuro-atypical themselves, or somewhat "different" in other ways. Keep up the hiking and any other activities you have that get you involved socially with other people. STAY AWAY from any kind of "red pill" stuff and follow whatever your therapist is advising you on getting out of repetitive obsessive thoughts when you find yourself heading in that direction. Think about whether it's a possibility for you to move into a house with others or some other option. Not to just jump into that, but explore what options you may have. I know a young person who is quite disabled who is living for the most part independently. You don't come off like that here, though I definitely don't know the breadth of your issues. There will be women who will like you.
Author tazz4 Posted January 9 Author Posted January 9 7 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said: Seriously you sound like an okay fellow. Try to keep a sense of humor about your circumstances, cultivate your self awareness, be open to women who may be neuro-atypical themselves, or somewhat "different" in other ways. Keep up the hiking and any other activities you have that get you involved socially with other people. STAY AWAY from any kind of "red pill" stuff and follow whatever your therapist is advising you on getting out of repetitive obsessive thoughts when you find yourself heading in that direction. Think about whether it's a possibility for you to move into a house with others or some other option. Not to just jump into that, but explore what options you may have. I know a young person who is quite disabled who is living for the most part independently. You don't come off like that here, though I definitely don't know the breadth of your issues. There will be women who will like you. I appreciate it. r** pill destroyed me. but I cant help to feel like some of it is real. I also have a MASSIVE issue with jealousy and envy.im part of a few dating fb pages. and here and there a guy who's like a 8+ out of 10 will pop up with a gorgeous face and stunning eyes. all he has to write is "hi I'm looking for a serious relationship" and he'll get 100s of likes. gorgeous women will appear in the comments who all want him. it just makes me feel like I have WAAAYY too much competition. I know how immature it is of me. I know I'm decent looking though.
NuevoYorko Posted January 9 Posted January 9 3 minutes ago, tazz4 said: a guy who's like a 8+ out of 10 will pop up with a gorgeous face and stunning eyes. all he has to write is "hi I'm looking for a serious relationship" and he'll get 100s of likes. gorgeous women will appear in the comments who all want him. Exact same thing happens to women who are not looking so great in their profile pictures.
Author tazz4 Posted January 9 Author Posted January 9 10 minutes ago, NuevoYorko said: Exact same thing happens to women who are not looking so great in their profile pictures. yep. it makes it hard for me to believe that looks aren't at least the 2nd most important thing.
Author tazz4 Posted January 9 Author Posted January 9 4 hours ago, NuevoYorko said: Do you notice when you're out and about that there are hundreds of people paired up happily where neither one of them look like a movie star or a person on Instagram with a load of filters on all their photos? Maybe even people you know or who are in your family. Just normal looking people who happened to find each other attractive. Is that unacceptable for you? Do you require women who look like they belong in a magazine? I honestly don't know. My brain is confusing. I say they don't have to look like they're in a magazine. But then when I see a model looking guy getting attention from model looking women I get jealous and hate myself. I tried so hard to work out in the gym for over a year and barely saw results. I've been called "petite" on a few occasions. I thought it was all in my head. But if other people notice it I know it's not in my head. I was ripped apart on reddit when I posted something like this, but I also had some not so great views on women at the time so I guess I was asking for it
Gebidozo Posted January 9 Posted January 9 2 hours ago, tazz4 said: I also have a MASSIVE issue with jealousy and envy.im part of a few dating fb pages. and here and there a guy who's like a 8+ out of 10 will pop up with a gorgeous face and stunning eyes. all he has to write is "hi I'm looking for a serious relationship" and he'll get 100s of likes. gorgeous women will appear in the comments who all want him. it just makes me feel like I have WAAAYY too much competition. I know how immature it is of me. It’s good that you understand that this is your problem and that it is very immature. If I were you, this would be the first thing I’d focus on solving. Envy is incredibly destructive and, above all, self-destructive. There are two types of envy. One is envy of true goodness. For example, you envy a great scientist or artist or a brave hero or a very selfless, saintly person. That kind of envy, though still potentially harmful, at least stems from the appreciation of true goodness. But then there is the materialistic envy, which is much worse. It’s when you envy what people possess instead of what they are or what they do. For example, you envy a rich person’s wealth rather than their skills and talents that allowed them to accumulate that wealth. Unfortunately, your envy is of this kind. Now, even this kind of envy is of two types: the envy of a real thing and the envy of a phantom, a chimaera, an illusion. Again, unfortunately, your envy is of the second type. You envy a physically attractive man who blurts out that he wants a serious relationship and as a result gets hundred of likes from physically attractive women. Don’t you understand that this superficial, shallow connection is not something you should be logically envious of, even disregarding the spiritual damage of envy? This is like envying an alpha baboon because he has a harem of female baboons, all with shiny red butts, ready to have sex with him simply because he beat up other baboons. Or like envying a sugar daddy who flaunts cash and has young girls with “model / pornstar bodies” flocking to him. Do you not see how demeaning such envy is to you, how much it degrades you in your own eyes for no reason whatsoever? 1
Gebidozo Posted January 9 Posted January 9 1 hour ago, tazz4 said: I honestly don't know. My brain is confusing. I say they don't have to look like they're in a magazine. But then when I see a model looking guy getting attention from model looking women I get jealous and hate myself. Precisely. It’s your jealousy, your envy, your hatred that are slowly destroying you. And it’s those negative emotions that make you unattractive to women, much more decidedly so than your looks. I don’t know any woman who likes envious men. I don’t know any woman who likes men that constantly compare themselves to others and whine “why am I not like that guy who has so many women, why do women like him and not me”. I’m seriously telling you, this is a major turn-off. I once asked my fiancée what types of men she finds most repelling. Her first “prize” in utter lack of attractiveness goes to superficially confident (actually deeply insecure) men who think that every woman wants to sleep with them. But the second most off-putting type of men for her are those who are overtly insecure, envious of other men’s success, and complain a lot. Please do your best to leave the ranks of that unappealing group as soon as you can. This should be your very first item on your “to do” list.
MsJayne Posted January 9 Posted January 9 If it's hot just wear a tidy shirt or T-shirt, and shorts. Cleanliness is more important that trendiness, but don't turn up looking like you stepped out of the 80's. Why would you wear a jacket at all if it's in the 30's? 1
basil67 Posted January 9 Posted January 9 (edited) 1 hour ago, MsJayne said: If it's hot just wear a tidy shirt or T-shirt, and shorts. Cleanliness is more important that trendiness, but don't turn up looking like you stepped out of the 80's. Why would you wear a jacket at all if it's in the 30's? I'm guessing it's 30'F - or around zero to most of the world Edited January 9 by basil67 1
basil67 Posted January 9 Posted January 9 @Gebidozo to be fair, I wouldn't get past the underemployment and living at home. I probably wouldn't even get to discover the envious side
BaileyB Posted January 9 Posted January 9 10 hours ago, tazz4 said: What do I do? Go shopping and ask the store clerk to help you to pick out a nice sweater that goes with jeans. There are people at the store who will help you… You don’t have to go overboard, but you do need to look presentable. It will help your confidence if you feel like you look good - lots of people go and buy something new to wear on an important date.
Author tazz4 Posted January 9 Author Posted January 9 (edited) 2 hours ago, MsJayne said: If it's hot just wear a tidy shirt or T-shirt, and shorts. Cleanliness is more important that trendiness, but don't turn up looking like you stepped out of the 80's. Why would you wear a jacket at all if it's in the 30's? what do you mean by why would i wear a jacket in the 30s? because its cold lol why wouldn't I? I mean Jacket as in a coat. Edited January 9 by tazz4
Author tazz4 Posted January 9 Author Posted January 9 6 minutes ago, BaileyB said: Go shopping and ask the store clerk to help you to pick out a nice sweater that goes with jeans. There are people at the store who will help you… You don’t have to go overboard, but you do need to look presentable. It will help your confidence if you feel like you look good - lots of people go and buy something new to wear on an important date. sometimes I think they'll say the outfit looks good because they're just trying to make money.
BaileyB Posted January 9 Posted January 9 1 hour ago, tazz4 said: sometimes I think they'll say the outfit looks good because they're just trying to make money. Well yeah, they are there to sell clothing. You have to use your own judgment as well. But, I wouldn’t assume that they won’t help you - people are not inherently out to get you. 1
scbrandon Posted January 9 Posted January 9 I’ve always figured it was more about the guy under the clothes, meaning who he is, how he treats her, his personality, his ability to create a connection and maintain a good conversation and as long as he presents himself in a clean and put together manner the rest will take care of itself
Author tazz4 Posted January 9 Author Posted January 9 47 minutes ago, BaileyB said: Well yeah, they are there to sell clothing. You have to use your own judgment as well. But, I wouldn’t assume that they won’t help you - people are not inherently out to get you. fair. I have trust issues which is my problem lol
Gaeta Posted January 9 Posted January 9 Your jacket is fine for a coffee date, you will be taking it off right! It would be a good idea to go shop for new clothes when you have time. Be careful letting other people advise you on clothing, I made that mistake in the past and spent a lot of money on clothes I only wore once. Now I buy what I like, it does not matter if it's trendy, if I like it I will feel good in it and that will make me glow! 1
Author tazz4 Posted January 9 Author Posted January 9 35 minutes ago, Gaeta said: Your jacket is fine for a coffee date, you will be taking it off right! It would be a good idea to go shop for new clothes when you have time. Be careful letting other people advise you on clothing, I made that mistake in the past and spent a lot of money on clothes I only wore once. Now I buy what I like, it does not matter if it's trendy, if I like it I will feel good in it and that will make me glow! will it look bad to have a black fur coat with brown and white shoes?
Gaeta Posted January 9 Posted January 9 9 minutes ago, tazz4 said: will it look bad to have a black fur coat with brown and white shoes? The coat is in fur or it's just the hood that's trimmed with fur? The coat sounds sporty so sporty shoes, any color, is ok.
scbrandon Posted January 9 Posted January 9 I’ve got to be honest, I don’t think a fur coat is a good look, context could be important on where you’re going but I, personally, would never wear a fur coat
Author tazz4 Posted January 9 Author Posted January 9 5 minutes ago, Gaeta said: The coat is in fur or it's just the hood that's trimmed with fur? The coat sounds sporty so sporty shoes, any color, is ok. just the hood.
Author tazz4 Posted January 9 Author Posted January 9 4 minutes ago, scbrandon said: I’ve got to be honest, I don’t think a fur coat is a good look, context could be important on where you’re going but I, personally, would never wear a fur coat you wouldn't wear one in general you mean? I just mean the hood has fur.
smackie9 Posted January 9 Posted January 9 (edited) Yes it is important..Need help, go to a clothing store and have the sales ladies inspire you a new wardrobe. They will show you how to mix and match so it looks like many outfits. That's what those sales ladies are hired to do so take advantage. I have done it myself when looking for an outfit when going to a wedding...fabulous results. if you are on a budget, don't buy anything at the retailer, use the sales ladies for ideas, then head to a thrift store...I have done this many times myself. Edited January 9 by smackie9
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