WindDrifter Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 My GF and I broke up after 2 1/2 years. She has decided she needs to be single again for a while before we get married. She feels she hasn't lived life enough. She tells me she loves me dearly and i am the most important thing to her. She says she doesn't want anyone else or be with anyone else right now. But that could all change over time (My words). She wants this time so that we can get back together and she can be 100% committed to me. She wants to go out with her girlfriends and live life. She will call me a couple time a weeks and we will meet up once a week (we may be physical on the odd occasion just to see if we still feel the same). I don't call her as this is her time and I would just call every day. Now she says that she loves me and doesn't want anyone but will tell me if she changes and I must tell her. Since this is her choice then more than likely she would be the one to change feelings. She doesn't want to sleep with anyone and she knows if she does there will definitely be no hope for us. I could never forgive her. ohh yeah this could all go on for from 3 - 12 months but she doesn't know. She says this isn't a lot of time when we will have our whole life together. She wants me to have this time as well which I realise is good as well for me but I rather want 6-8 weeks not a bloody year. At the moment I have decided to give her space and just see how my feelings develop. If I can handle this arrangment and she doesn't want to be with anyone else and we still have great times together then it might all have a happy ending (no pun intended). On the other hand what do I do if she comes to me and says I want to kiss other guys. Do I then say fine I will kiss other girls which she is happy for me to do but I don't want to do that. My main problem is that I don't understand how you can love someone so much yet kiss another person. I asked her what if I kissed another person and she was well as long as you didn't want a relationship with her and it just happened (How the F$%# does it just happen) then its okay. i just can't comprehend that. Love is what stops me for kissing someone else but for her since we are now "single" which is a term neither of us can say yet its okay. We are not in a committed relationship. She doens't want to be committed right now. She just wants to be selfish and have time for herself. She wants to make sure she wants to spend the rest of her life with me and she doesn't want to make a mistake. I would hope that I would be able to get over it after all whats a kiss when you will have her your whole life but my problem is why did she want to kiss someone in the first place? What did he have that I didn't? What did they talk about that attracted her to him? Is he more attractive? Do they want to kiss again? Will she never get that kiss for me and resent me for it? I mean this is whats going through my head. I guess I have already decided to see how I feel and if we get to a point where she wants to do that then I will have to see but I feel worried I wouldn't be able to forgive her. Even though we are broken up and "single" but... ohh yeah love each other so much that we want to spend the rest of our lives together but just not right now. I so want us to work and i think we would be so awesome together and so does she but I just don't know if i can survive. Thanks for listening all! WD
kjdriver Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 Kissing someone else would be unacceptable, I think anyhow. Doesn't make sense considering she says she would never want to be with anyone else. Then why kiss them? Some people consider kissing the most intimate thing. I know what you mean about the possible year of waiting. Mine said, might be two months, might be a year. He said it is not possible to put a time limit on things. I have only said I will try but I also told me guy, or my ex I should say that I don't know how long I can put up with the agony. I don't know if it is fair to ask us to put up with the pain. Just take it day by day by day. Talk with your friends, use the forum, listen to happy music. It sucks right now but the way I look at it is this. Either a-it will work out or b-it won't and who knows who you may meet on your travels in the next year. A good friend, a possible companion. I am killing inside, truly feel alone, and abandoned but I think positive. Things will end up the way they should in the end. Michelle
Author WindDrifter Posted January 9, 2006 Author Posted January 9, 2006 Michelle, I have told me gf/ex that same thing. I will see how I go. For her though kissing doesn't really mean anything apparently. Its just something she used to do with a lot of guys when she went out as a youngster. For me its different. It even hurts me right now to think about her lips touching another guys lips. You are right I just don't know how I will feel about it so I guess I want this to work so bad that I will just give her space and see how we go. Thanks again, WD
kjdriver Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 In this situation it is easy to see the worst case scenario. That they are going to move on without us. Can't feel any worse as those first few days after you find out. My family has been very negative and my sister has told me to call his friends, look around and see what I can find but I don't think I will. I mean I could but in the end, if he does move on without me, he can't be my life partner. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me in the same way I want to be with them. Mutual love and I don't want it forced. If something happens and he moves on, in the end I will find out without prying or dwelling on it. Right now, focus on yourself whenever you can. Listen to happy music. I started listening to sad stuff to begin with but I was killing myself, lol. Had to play something more upbeat. I am not a guy but I do my make up , put on a flattering outfit and try to make myself feel good about who I am cause this **** really drains you.
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