scbrandon Posted December 31, 2024 Posted December 31, 2024 My fiancé and I split several months ago as she decided to take a job overseas. I was not ready to make that jump, nor did I have the desire to live where she relocated to. I am incredibly excited and happy for her, she deserves all the success and happiness that is coming her way. We remain friends and I will be her biggest fan and supporter from oceans away Admittedly I am a little nervous about getting back into dating and by no means am I looking to hop right into something serious straight away but I do miss that companionship and connection. Any advice and or words of wisdom for me to keep in mind and consider?
Gaeta Posted January 3 Posted January 3 (edited) My advice would be to cut your link to the ex. First, to free yourself from anything regrets, second because not many women would date a man still 'friends' or worse 'biggest fan' of an ex. As for dating: take your time, enjoy the moment, don't force it if it doesn't unfold naturally. Edited January 3 by Gaeta 1
Els Posted January 3 Posted January 3 Sorry, but I'm just trying to figure out how an engaged couple decided that a job or moving to a less desirable location (both things that are usually temporary) were both more important than the person they were planning to marry. How did your engagement mean so little to both of you? Were there other issues, or are you both very young? How long were you two together? Anyway, to answer your question, if you don't feel ready I don't think you should push it, it won't turn out well. Several months is usually quite a short time to recover from breaking up with a spouse or a fiance. But it's a good idea to make the effort to be more social in general - you'll get practice socializing, you'll make friends, and who knows, you might meet someone.
Author scbrandon Posted January 6 Author Posted January 6 On 1/3/2025 at 4:43 PM, Els said: Sorry, but I'm just trying to figure out how an engaged couple decided that a job or moving to a less desirable location (both things that are usually temporary) were both more important than the person they were planning to marry. How did your engagement mean so little to both of you? Were there other issues, or are you both very young? How long were you two together? Anyway, to answer your question, if you don't feel ready I don't think you should push it, it won't turn out well. Several months is usually quite a short time to recover from breaking up with a spouse or a fiance. But it's a good idea to make the effort to be more social in general - you'll get practice socializing, you'll make friends, and who knows, you might meet someone. It’s a fair question, one we struggled with. But ultimately her choice to not pass up this career opportunity is what led us down this path. I don’t fault her for it, at all. I hated it and hoped she chose differently but that ship has sailed. We had been dating since we were 17. So together about 11 years and engaged for a bit over a year.
Els Posted January 6 Posted January 6 3 hours ago, scbrandon said: It’s a fair question, one we struggled with. But ultimately her choice to not pass up this career opportunity is what led us down this path. I don’t fault her for it, at all. I hated it and hoped she chose differently but that ship has sailed. We had been dating since we were 17. So together about 11 years and engaged for a bit over a year. I mean, you can't pin the whole thing on her - you made the decision to not move with her or try a LDR temporarily, no? It sounds like both people unilaterally made decisions that were best for themselves personally but not good for the relationship. And that's totally fine and normal if you're just dating or in a relationship, but not usually when you've committed to marrying each other. My point for asking that wasn't to put you down, though, just saying that maybe you two weren't really ready to marry each other and this was just a way out? If you've been together since 17, then it's also normal for couples to just grow apart. It's possible that the relationship had just run it's course. In that case, it's a good thing that it happened before you tied the knot. A blessing in disguise, so to speak.
Author scbrandon Posted January 6 Author Posted January 6 3 hours ago, Els said: I mean, you can't pin the whole thing on her - you made the decision to not move with her or try a LDR temporarily, no? It sounds like both people unilaterally made decisions that were best for themselves personally but not good for the relationship. And that's totally fine and normal if you're just dating or in a relationship, but not usually when you've committed to marrying each other. My point for asking that wasn't to put you down, though, just saying that maybe you two weren't really ready to marry each other and this was just a way out? If you've been together since 17, then it's also normal for couples to just grow apart. It's possible that the relationship had just run it's course. In that case, it's a good thing that it happened before you tied the knot. A blessing in disguise, so to speak. No, you are absolutely right, I have accountability in all of this as well. This is not all on her in anyway. And I think the more time passes the more we, at least I, realize you might be right, clearly we weren’t mean to be married, I just have to come to terms with that 1
Foxhall Posted January 6 Posted January 6 10 hours ago, scbrandon said: and hoped she chose differently but that ship has sailed. Its not easy trying to accept this when you think she was "the one" and youve lost the chance or let her walk away , still your a lot younger than me so its probably a different dynamic, its nice also meeting new ladies and discovering new adventures, you will enjoy the fun ahead. 1
Author scbrandon Posted January 9 Author Posted January 9 On 1/6/2025 at 6:21 PM, Foxhall said: Its not easy trying to accept this when you think she was "the one" and youve lost the chance or let her walk away , still your a lot younger than me so its probably a different dynamic, its nice also meeting new ladies and discovering new adventures, you will enjoy the fun ahead. Thank you for this. I actually have an upcoming date this weekend which kind of came together completely unexpectedly. It’s definitely helping for me to focus on her rather than my ex 1
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