My wealthy friend wants to end our friendship over money?

[ruby89]

My friend and I have known each other for 3 years now, but we got more close over the summer and I consider her one of my best friends. She's a great person and is very kind and intelligent. What initially drew me to her was her ambition and I wanted to get closer to her as I want to have people that are goal-driven in my life because I want to strive for the same thing.

So just to give some background on our financial situations, she is very wealthy but is private about it. I only found out during the summer after she invited me to her house which was beautiful, and I found out she's a medical researcher who has a great paying job, and also comes from money (her parents are also physicians). She also has some real estate and is into stock market. I on the other hand was never taught about these things, and I have been working as a waitress for the past few years because to this day I'm still not 100% sure on what I want to do. My friend has been very generous to me in the past, she gave me a few hundred dollars as a gift one time when I was moving and she pays me to take care of things for her (for example she gave me a few hundred dollars to watch her dogs at her house while she was on vacation). 

I had a bit of financial issues this month, I got laid off from work and they are only scheduling me when someone calls out sick, so it's not consistent income and I still haven't found a full-time job yet. My boyfriend had car troubles and had to pay $1000 to fix the transmission so we were hard up and short on rent. I texted my friend about this but she didn't offer to help me.. so I had to flat out ask her for a few hundred dollars and I offered to pay it back $100 every week starting the next week. She was a bit hesitant and said she doesn't like lending money because she has lost friends in the past because of it, but I told her I would pay her back so she gave it to me. 

I still haven't been able to find work, and it's been a month since I borrowed the money. I told her about 2 weeks ago that it would be late, so she said okay. She texted me yesterday asking if I could start paying her back, but I still didn't have it due to the holidays and not finding work. She basically got upset and said she feels like I'm only keeping her around for what she can do for me financially and that I broke my promise and her trust in me that she would pay me back. I told her that she has to be patient with me until I get my financial situation together but she just told me she knew something like this would happen eventually because everyone is after her money. She also said I only reach out to her when I need something and I don't reciprocate to her, which is not true. 

I completely understand where she's coming from. However, she knows my financial situation and I know she has lots and lots of money that this is no big deal for her to go without a few hundred dollars for a while. I know it's the principle, but I just feel like this situation is being overblown but I don't know how to address this further. Does anyone have any thoughts on what I could do moving forward? 

[basil67]

The situation is not overblown.  She didn't want to lend you money, but you pressured her into it.  Now the issues which she feared have come to pass

What can you do moving forward?   Your boyfriend has a car.  What's it worth?   If it's worth $10K or more, sell it and buy a cheaper one.  Then use the balance to repay your debt and make life more financially comfortable.

Are there other assets you could sell?  

Edited December 28, 2024 by basil67

[ruby89]

5 minutes ago, basil67 said:

The situation is not overblown.  She didn't want to lend you money, but you pressured her into it.  Now the issues which she feared have come to pass

What can you do moving forward?   Your boyfriend has a car.  What's it worth?   If it's worth $10K or more, sell it and buy a cheaper one.  Then use the balance to repay your debt and make life more financially comfortable.

Are there other assets you could sell?  

We have an old van which my parents gave us and it's really not worth much at all. I don't think we could sell it and buy anything cheaper than it. I don't really have anything else I can sell. I had some designer bags and shoes from the past which I already sold before since I've been struggling. And I don't feel like I pressured her into giving me money I was just telling her my situation. 

[basil67]

6 minutes ago, ruby89 said:

We have an old van which my parents gave us and it's really not worth much at all. I don't think we could sell it and buy anything cheaper than it. I don't really have anything else I can sell. I had some designer bags and shoes from the past which I already sold before since I've been struggling. And I don't feel like I pressured her into giving me money I was just telling her my situation. 

Her not offering you money was her answer.  It was a NO.   But you didn't accept it and felt entitled to ask her for it.  

Is the "old van" your boyfriend's car?  Or does he have his own car? 

 

[ruby89]

10 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Her not offering you money was her answer.  It was a NO.   But you didn't accept it and felt entitled to ask her for it.  

Is the "old van" your boyfriend's car?  Or does he have his own car? 

 

It's our car technically. We share it

[stillafool]

It is not your friend's problem that you are having financial problems.  Nor is it your business that she is financially wealthy. You borrowed the money on a promise to pay her back on time which you didn't do.  She has every right to be upset and feel used.  You saying you're late because of the holiday?  What does that have to do with anything?  How did you tell her you were planning to pay her back on time when you borrowed the money?  And what happened?

[basil67]

You say that you weren't taught about finances.  Please allow me give you rule #1:  Neither a borrower, or a lender be; For loan oft loses both itself and friend - William Shakespeare

 

[NuevoYorko]

This is quite painful to read, really.  

You are taking advantage of her.  

 

[ShyViolet]

She's not wrong.  You shouldn't have asked her to lend you money in the first place.  It doesn't matter that she's much more wealthy than you.... you are not entitled to it.  Borrowing money from a friend is never a good idea and often ruins friendships.  Your financial difficulties are not her problem.  If you need money, you shouldn't be looking to your friends as the solution.  That's a great way to end a friendship.  I don't blame her for feeling the way that she does.

2 hours ago, ruby89 said:

Does anyone have any thoughts on what I could do moving forward? 

Be humble, pay that money back as soon as possible like you promised you would.  And do not ever ask her to borrow money again.  Don't be surprised if she is still turned off from being friends with you after this.  If that's the case, that's her choice and there's nothing for you to do.  This is not "overblown", she has the right to feel how she feels.

[NuevoYorko]

This is pretty rich:

Quote

I told her that she has to be patient with me until I get my financial situation together

She doesn't have to be patient with you.  Unfortunately you have already lost this friendship.  That's okay though.  You still need to pay her back, and ASAP.   I'm assuming that you have friends in common, so your reputation is going to hinge on this.   Don't mess it up.

[ruby89]

3 hours ago, stillafool said:

It is not your friend's problem that you are having financial problems.  Nor is it your business that she is financially wealthy. You borrowed the money on a promise to pay her back on time which you didn't do.  She has every right to be upset and feel used.  You saying you're late because of the holiday?  What does that have to do with anything?  How did you tell her you were planning to pay her back on time when you borrowed the money?  And what happened?

I was in paying her back because of the holiday because I had to buy holiday gifts for others. And I suggested that I pay her back every week (starting the week after I had borrowed the money). I explained to her it would be later and I gave her another date which she said was okay, but after this date she kept asking. 

[NuevoYorko]

9 minutes ago, ruby89 said:

I was in paying her back because of the holiday because I had to buy holiday gifts for others. 

Why did you prioritize buying gifts for other people over paying her back?   

If you don't have a job, and you can't afford to fix your broken car or even make rent, I would think that buying presents would not be happening this year.