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Girl said yes to us dating exclusively but I feel like I'm going to blow it with not knowing how to act

flikstory

By flikstory
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flikstory New Member

flikstory

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I feel like this stems from my ex who moved fast with me, was very expressive with emotions and touchy feely

Friday Night I was on a 4th date with this girl and I told her i've enjoyed our time and getting to know each other and would like to be dating exclusively now. She agreed and we had our 1st kiss that night

NOW this is not a "relationship" point yet. I know some will say there's no difference but to me there is. I haven't met her son yet (he's 21) we haven't met families. We have agreed to not see others while we see if this develops  more.

She was texted me that night saying she was shocked by the question and she's really enjoyed spending time together and she's not seeing anyone else

She was upfront that she wont be around much next week and half due to holidays and family flying in from out of state which I said I understood and I do

I am just struggling with how to act. I'm so use to being super affectionate with me ex for 2 years , i'm just thrown off. Can I call this girl babe? How affectionate do I get? How often should we see each other or talk?

I feel like I'm constantly worried about how to act so I dont come on to strong that i come off distant which I then worry will make her think I am not interested. I have called her hun a few times over messaging (she's called me sweetie)

 

She has showed interest in me, holding my hand, hand on my upper back while in line at a store,putting arms around me, head onshoulder, but in the back of my head I keep asking myself "is she really interested?"   I think alot of it is from us not constantly being around each other or talking non stop like me and my ex

 

If i go 5 or 6 hrs without hearing from her I think, wait does she not care?

 

I know this sounds so dumb but I'd appreciate some tips and help

 

 

Gebidozo Established Member

Gebidozo

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It’s completely normal to not hear from each other every 5 or 6 hours. People have their own independent lives. This has nothing to do with affection. Why do you need to communicate so often and so much? Why would you want to be talking “non stop”?

And why are you comparing this woman to your ex? She’s your ex for a reason, right? Her purported “affection” didn’t help when you broke up. So why would you want your next partner to be similar?

This woman said she wants to date you exclusively. This is a de facto committed monogamous relationship. Meeting families has nothing to do with it. I think you should relax and just behave naturally, give her space and respect her boundaries,, but be vocal about wanting to see her.

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flikstory New Member

flikstory

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6 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

It’s completely normal to not hear from each other every 5 or 6 hours. People have their own independent lives. This has nothing to do with affection. Why do you need to communicate so often and so much? Why would you want to be talking “non stop”?

And why are you comparing this woman to your ex? She’s your ex for a reason, right? Her purported “affection” didn’t help when you broke up. So why would you want your next partner to be similar?

This woman said she wants to date you exclusively. This is a de facto committed monogamous relationship. Meeting families has nothing to do with it. I think you should relax and just behave naturally, give her space and respect her boundaries,, but be vocal about wanting to see her.

but how do I be vocal. DO i say hey i'd like to see you Saturday let's get together for dinner"

Gebidozo Established Member

Gebidozo

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53 minutes ago, flikstory said:

but how do I be vocal. DO i say hey i'd like to see you Saturday let's get together for dinner"

Yes. 

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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1 hour ago, flikstory said:

but how do I be vocal. DO i say hey i'd like to see you Saturday let's get together for dinner"

Generally this is how to behave.  But if the Saturday you're talking about is when her family are staying, then you need to acknowledge that she's likely to be busy.  "I'd really like to take you to dinner, what is your schedule like for this weekend?

Edited by basil67
Lotsgoingon Established Member

Lotsgoingon

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Omg, every one of your worries is unwarranted and nonsensical. 

Makes me wonder if you went too official too soon. Quick trying to be "normal" and simply say what you want.

Not hearing from someone for 5 or 6 hours is totally normal. What's bizarre is questioning whether that is normal. 

Sounds like your previous relationship was way too entangled. 

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flikstory New Member

flikstory

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18 hours ago, basil67 said:

Generally this is how to behave.  But if the Saturday you're talking about is when her family are staying, then you need to acknowledge that she's likely to be busy.  "I'd really like to take you to dinner, what is your schedule like for this weekend?

it will be weekend after new years

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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1 hour ago, flikstory said:

it will be weekend after new years

And will the people be gone by then?

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flikstory New Member

flikstory

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4 minutes ago, basil67 said:

And will the people be gone by then?

yes they leave the 3rd of january

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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I just realised the age gap.  If you're wanting to date a woman who's so much older than you, you need to find maturity and confidence beyond your years.  Otherwise, she will view you a bit like one of her children.

ShyViolet Established Member

ShyViolet

Posted
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How about this..... you shouldn't be putting on an "act" at all when you are dating someone.  You should be yourself.  If you are this uncomfortable around this woman that you are second guessing every move you make, maybe it was way too fast to declare this an exclusive relationship.  It sounds like you barely know this woman.  You need to just take some more time to get to know her.  Every little move you make shouldn't be this calculated.  You need to learn to just be yourself when dating.  If the other person still wants to proceed with dating when you have been yourself and not overthinking every single move you make, then you know that they really like you for YOU.

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flikstory New Member

flikstory

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So I told her my new years plans (snacks and relaxing) and she said "I'll stop by and see you for sure..if that was a invite?" I sai d"of course it is, stop by anytime!"

 

Then I said "Just to be clear and to communicate about when I said I wanted to see you exclusively. If you ever wanted to come over and hang out or just to see each other your more than welcome to. You don't have to wait for me to ask you to come over. I''m definitely comfortable with you just stopping by anytime"

 

Thoughts?

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Sony12 Established Member

Sony12

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There seems to be a bit of an age difference between you two. I wouldn't get too worked up about this situation. Chances are at this point she is attracted to you and would probably like to have sex with you but likely isn't thinking much further than that at this point.

Older woman tend not to go out with younger men because they want to get serious with them (at least not in the beginning). Just have fun with it and see where it goes. You two haven't even been intimate yet as far as you've said up to this point. If she senses you are getting too serious it will likely cause her to lose interest.

 

Edited by Sony12
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