heartnsoul Posted January 8, 2006 Posted January 8, 2006 I'm really in need of an ear and possibly a shoulder. I think I'm in a phunk that only a professional can pull me out of but just need to vent a little. I've managed to land myself in a state of mind that has me pushing away the people that I love the most and I'm facing the urge to just run away and hide. Although, I realize I'm just too old for that crap. I don't know what to do with myself. My ex walked out of my life months ago but I still have this dark cloud lingering over my head about the whole situation. He has made a hand full of attempts to talk to me. Was even successfull at getting thru a couple of times but during my emotional roller coaster managed to change one means and that was changing my phone number. His last attempt was to wink at me thru a dating site and followed it thru with a couple of instant message attempts. Initially, I held firm with NC and didn't respond to any of the attempts. Two weeks later, I got a 'wild hair' and e mailed a quick smart ass "Hey, if you were trying to get ahold of me regarding Christmas...I'm registered at the Walmart" (I know that simple gesture reaked of...YOU LOSE! to all NC NC NC folks here) After Christmas, I e mailed AGAIN with a strong desire to just release all of the things I felt had been bottled up for far too long and e mailed him with a request to talk. Mind you, this was MY first attempt to contact him since July. What's my point? I was doing good lol Anyways....It was a simple one line request accompanied with a just in case not....have a Happy New Year. I know I'm going to get a back lashing of 'What the F is wrong with you' So, I'll answer with "I've got issues?" My self esteem is at an all time low and I feel like crappola.
notmakingsense Posted January 8, 2006 Posted January 8, 2006 Hey Heart.... we've all been there before. You didn't do anything that most of us haven't already... it really doesn't sound like your minor relapses are that big of a deal, but I do sense that they have set you back maybe a tad. If you have the means to get counselling, definitely do that -- I wish I could right now. Most of us here have to get to the point where we don't give a s*** about our exes before we can fully be moved on -- so whatever helps us do that is a good thing!
JS17 Posted January 8, 2006 Posted January 8, 2006 Sorry you're feeling down girlie. It's human to make mistakes like these, nobody will berate you. You know what you did wasn't helpful to you and you made a mistake. People make mistakes. Start working on your self esteem and doing things for you. Leave your ex in 2005 and make 2006 about you.
Author heartnsoul Posted January 8, 2006 Author Posted January 8, 2006 Thanks guys!! JS17...your avatar is hilarious!!
Lishy Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 Heart I know how you feel honey! I think we are both suffering with some low self esteem! But hey ..... We are babes and WE ROCK! So lets get out there with our friends and let our hair down big style! We cant let go of our past when we feel there is no future so lets go out and make a future for ourselves. No one else can do that for us eh!
JS17 Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 JS17...your avatar is hilarious!! I was actually the photographer in that one, it's my kitty. I feel like such a hypocrite for giving you the advice that I gave you. I managed to last, what, a week??? before dragging the pain from my ex into the new year. I don't know what to say to you HnS, I just hope that it goes away for you eventually.
Author heartnsoul Posted January 9, 2006 Author Posted January 9, 2006 Lish...I can feel the intensity in your words and you sound determined!! That's awsome We are great BABES JS...The way your cat is positioned tickled me lol Just kinda chillen with a whateverrrr look on his/her face Also, you're not a hypocrite! We all come on here on good days and not so good days and it's amazing the things we'll say on either given day. Ups and downs...ups and downs. I do want to thank everyone for the well wishes and inspiration. It was yet another set back but I think this time around may've been the final attempt from him. It's a good thing but it still makes me sad and that's what I need to seriously work on. I just wish I would've taken the chance to clear the air during one of his attempts to talk to me is all. I thought I was being all bad ass by ignoring him but after a couple weeks I went and second guessed myself. Guess I'm not using NC effectively :/
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