Should I be panicking or is this a case of just waiting things out?

[RStacks]

This girl whom I matched with on OkCupid about a month ago... Well, I took things slowly, which is usually a bad sign, and I saw she deleted her account a week and a half ago, and got back on it, which might mean that she thought she found a bf, but it went horribly wrong. My guess anyway. So, I've had her number this whole time, but I went on a few vacations, and she has a bad habit of ignoring texts. Anyway, I messaged her last week before my last vacation, and she was excited about going on a dinner date together when I got back and said all this stuff about how she's looking for a husband with no kids who will take care of her.

So anyway, I got back from my vacation last Wednesday, and I sent her a text telling her I was back, she was excited. But also at this time, she added more photos to her OkCupid profile which made her look even hotter. So I texted her again on Saturday morning asking if she had any plans for the weekend, but she didn't respond. I was going to ask her out if she responded. I haven't texted her since, until maybe 45 minutes ago, asking her if she was still up for meeting up like we had planned.

Am I in trouble? Did she go against everything she said she was looking for and hook up with some guy over the weekend and now she's ignoring me because she wants things to work out with him, or am I just reading into this too much? I know if I wait patiently, I'll have a shot, so I might have sent that message prematurely, but right now I'm in the DANGER ZONE because we should have met up by now, and now I fear that I basically just need her fling to fall apart if that's what's happening. Maybe I'm too cynical.

Edited December 16, 2024 by RStacks

[basil67]

You're way too over invested in a woman you've never met!!!  

Anyway, her lack of response tells you that she's not interested, but I don't think you've missed much because her goal is to find a man who will financially take care of her. 

Delete, block and get back out there and see what other women you can find.   

[RStacks]

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

You're way too over invested in a woman you've never met!!!  

Anyway, her lack of response tells you that she's not interested, but I don't think you've missed much because her goal is to find a man who will financially take care of her. 

Delete, block and get back out there and see what other women you can find.   

 

She did the exact same thing before my vacation, but then she came back with that long text about what she's looking for and how excited she was to be going out to dinner. I do have a lot of money, but that's not the point. I'm trying to figure out whether there's another guy in the picture that she has ahead of me or if she's just unusually busy. She's already in her late 20s, and I know she's been on that site for a while because I remember seeing her old profile on there. My guess is that I have to wait for things to fall through, but maybe she really is busy. I'll wait until she reads my text. It's been an hour and a half and she hasn't opened it. I'm guessing she'll open it much later on like she's done before or possibly even tomorrow, but something's not right about this whole thing. 

[basil67]

The something which isn't right is the fact she's not that interested in you.   If she was truly interested, she'd make time to contact you.  At the very least, she'd send a message explaining her absence and let you know when she'll be able to contact you.   

Honestly, you're thinking with your little head instead of your big head

 

[RStacks]

2 minutes ago, basil67 said:

The something which isn't right is the fact she's not that interested in you.   If she was truly interested, she'd make time to contact you.  At the very least, she'd send a message explaining her absence and let you know when she'll be able to contact you.   

Honestly, you're thinking with your little head instead of your big head

 

 

So if she gets back to me later on tonight with an excuse for why she didn't text me over the weekend, do I believe it? Because my mind is telling me she met up with somebody, and they might have eaten slept together. 

[basil67]

6 minutes ago, RStacks said:

So if she gets back to me later on tonight with an excuse for why she didn't text me over the weekend, do I believe it?

Given you're already calling it an excuse rather than a reason, it's fair to say you already don't trust her to be honest.

Quote

Because my mind is telling me she met up with somebody, and they might have eaten slept together. 

She might have done this.  She might also have visited her mother.  Or she may have gone out with her friends.  Or she may have stayed in to do a jigsaw puzzle.  The important thing to recognise is that her ignoring your invitation means that she didn't care enough about you to even politely decline

It's time to move on

Edited December 17, 2024 by basil67

[RStacks]

5 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Given you're already calling it an excuse rather than a reason, it's fair to say you already don't trust her to be honest.

She might have done this.  She might also have visited her mother.  Or she may have gone out with her friends.  Or she may have stayed in to do a jigsaw puzzle.  The important thing to recognise is that her ignoring your invitation means that she didn't care enough about you to even politely decline

It's time to move on

 

Ok, she just got back to me and wants to meet up. Even so, I think you made a lot of valid points. I'm going to take her on the date, but I'll be extremely cautious because I think she's the type of girl who will go on a date with me and then meet up with somebody else for brunch the next day. We'll see... still doesn't feel right... 

[basil67]

3 minutes ago, RStacks said:

Ok, she just got back to me and wants to meet up. Even so, I think you made a lot of valid points. I'm going to take her on the date, but I'll be extremely cautious because I think she's the type of girl who will go on a date with me and then meet up with somebody else for brunch the next day. We'll see... still doesn't feel right... 

She's virtually a stranger.  She owes you nothing except basic courtesy.   

Worry about being exclusive when you've met up a few times and are both keen

Edited December 17, 2024 by basil67

[RStacks]

3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

She's virtually a stranger.  She owes you nothing except basic courtesy.   

Worry about being exclusive when you've met up a few times and are both keen

 

Well, I'm kind of old school, and I expect women to stick to one man. Right now, she should be temporarily disabling her OkCupid profile, and then she can reactivate it if the date doesn't go well. I'll keep an eye on how often she logs in between now and our date. 

[basil67]

31 minutes ago, RStacks said:

 

Well, I'm kind of old school, and I expect women to stick to one man. Right now, she should be temporarily disabling her OkCupid profile, and then she can reactivate it if the date doesn't go well. I'll keep an eye on how often she logs in between now and our date. 

If you're old school, then you're not the right fit for OLD.   

[Gebidozo]

You aren’t dating exclusively yet. She doesn’t owe you anything. If you’re that worried and mistrustful and mentally controlling  (“she should disable her profile”), you’ll have better luck with some conservative matchmaking or arranged marriage or whatnot. 

[Esteban]

2 hours ago, RStacks said:

 

Well, I'm kind of old school, and I expect women to stick to one man. Right now, she should be temporarily disabling her OkCupid profile, and then she can reactivate it if the date doesn't go well. I'll keep an eye on how often she logs in between now and our date. 

I think it's basically considered acceptable to not be exclusive after a first or maybe second date. It seems excessive to disable your profile after 1 date, you'd be continually changing it. Also, I bet a lot of people just forget or don't think to do it or don't even realize you can, especially if they don't get a lot of matches. You could try putting on your profile that you expect exclusivity from a first date. As long as you make a joke out of it, or even a question rather than saying it like I just wrote it. "Am I too old school that I like to be exclusive from a first date?" Someone might reply to it in the chat and it might start something positive.

[Gaeta]

2 hours ago, RStacks said:

 

Well, I'm kind of old school, and I expect women to stick to one man. Right now, she should be temporarily disabling her OkCupid profile, and then she can reactivate it if the date doesn't go well. I'll keep an eye on how often she logs in between now and our date. 

That's not old school, that's controling. She did not get back to you and you imagine her in bed with someone else, she agrees to have dinner with you and you imagine her having brunch with another man the following morning. You have serious issues. 

You ever heard of courting a woman? Yes, if you are old school then you know a woman may have several pretenders and you have to sweep her off of her feet with your charms, humour, kindness...that's old school. What you want is purchase her on the 1st meeting, she's yours, no effort, no risk.

Back to her. Her actions, and lack of actions so far, show her interest is not very high. 

Edited December 17, 2024 by Gaeta

[basil67]

For what it’s worth, I’m also old school and if I were back out there I wouldn’t multi date.  But it’s not reasonable to expect someone to stop dating after one date and negligible interest in you 

[ExpatInItaly]

You are not cut out for OLD. 

At all. Please reconsider your approach to meeting women. 

[introverted1]

11 hours ago, RStacks said:

 

Well, I'm kind of old school, and I expect women to stick to one man. Right now, she should be temporarily disabling her OkCupid profile, and then she can reactivate it if the date doesn't go well. I'll keep an eye on how often she logs in between now and our date. 

 

12 hours ago, RStacks said:

she's looking for a husband with no kids who will take care of her.

You both seem to have some unrealistic expectations. 

[smackie9]

3 hours ago, introverted1 said:

 

You both seem to have some unrealistic expectations. 

This 100%^^^^

OP ditch her and move on.

[Georgia46]

I think maybe you need to just chill a little. 
 

maybe go on the date see how you actually get on in real life and see how you feel after that… 

 

also, it’s December, it’s really busy … don’t jump to conclusions re texts etc. 

 

good luck 

[ShyViolet]

You shouldn't be "panicking" over someone you've never even met in person.  Your approach to dating is ridiculous and immature.

On 12/16/2024 at 7:38 PM, RStacks said:

 

Well, I'm kind of old school, and I expect women to stick to one man. Right now, she should be temporarily disabling her OkCupid profile, and then she can reactivate it if the date doesn't go well.

Anytime a woman has an upcoming first meet up with someone they should disable their profile?  That is not a reasonable expectation and you sound really controlling.  You really need to come back to reality and grow up.

This is a stranger to you that you have never met.  She doesn't owe you anything and you aren't in a position to have all these expectations of her.  A first meet up is just to get to know each other and find out if you would want to have a second date.

On 12/16/2024 at 6:31 PM, RStacks said:

said all this stuff about how she's looking for a husband with no kids who will take care of her.

The fact that you've never met in person but she already told you she's looking for a husband who will take care of her.... and you didn't recognize that as a red flag... that's really poor judgment on your part.  Why would you want to meet up with someone who says something so ridiculous?

[RStacks]

We went on the date, and she wasn't nearly as attractive as she made herself look with filters on her dating site profile. It was a long date, 6 hours, because we had a lot to talk about and drove around for a long time, but I'm going to have find someone hotter because she didn't amaze me or make my pants jump. 

[basil67]

Why did you have the date last six hours if you weren't interested?  That's crazy!  

Anyway, your decision to not see her again is exactly why women don't turn off their dating apps.   Why bother turning the app off if there's not even going to be a second date.

 

Edited December 22, 2024 by basil67

[Carlston]

You think that a woman should "stick to one man" and not date others, even if they haven't even met.. 

Damn now I've read everything.