grottle Posted December 8, 2024 Posted December 8, 2024 I've had some problems with confidence in building relationships, which ended up in me being rejected by a woman. I deeply cared about, in short, I was too afraid to make a move and she lost her patience and mentally moved on after nothing was happening and then cut me off. Most of 2024 I was getting over it, which went slowly but I eventually felt better and ready to move on. After that, I went on a few dates from Tinder and they all went well but only one ended up in us being in touch and it all seemed to go well. Yesterday, we went to a concert we planned in advance and it was the first time we went to do some longer activity together (before that we went on walks and lunch). She told me few times how she liked me and enjoyed time with me so I felt pretty confident and was remembering how my anxiety and indecisiveness made things hard for me. During the concert I tried to hug her and lightly touch her, she seemed to like it, so I grabbed her over her hips, we were dancing, she reciprocated and leaned to me as she wanted to kiss. So I did kiss her on lips but then she suddenly said she needs to go to the bathroom and whe she came back she stayed a bit further and when I tried to get closed she just pushed me away and said she needed to talk to me. Then we went to the lobby she told me she didn't want to lead me on that she really likes me and finds me attractive but she doesn't want a relationship and that she's moving to another city (where she works) next month. Not gonna lie, I tried to hold it in but I had tears in my eyed, I just said "okay, thanks for being honest" but she saw I was not okay. We went home together (we had to take the same train) which was quite weird situation where she first went to call with someone, than came back and talked the whole ride how I'm great but she can't be with me. She also told me how some girl will be happy with me and that she could help me when I meet someone new that I can talk about it any time. I know she was trying to be nice but it really didn't help, felt more like salt in the wound. I felt really terrible but also this time I know I did what I could and her moving away is at least a partly legitimate reason. But the rest of it was the typical stuff people say when they don't want to hurt you. However, I just hate the feeling of me being back in the same old lane. It feels like something like this happened to me a million times. Most of them I messed up by not being active or missinterpreting someone's behaviour. This time at least I know I did my best, but also it feels kinda sad it still wasn't enough.
Gebidozo Posted December 9, 2024 Posted December 9, 2024 6 hours ago, grottle said: it still wasn't enough. This might be the problem in your mindset that has been causing you trouble. You think that if you do “enough”, women won’t be rejecting you anymore. In reality, ultimately it’s about whether the girl really likes you or not. If she does, she will be with you. If she doesn’t, you could be the most perfect gentleman, the most skillful talker, the most charming seducer - it won’t help. What you need to do is stop taking these things personally, put yourself out there, and relax. Remember, eventually you only need one woman to like you. If you fail a 100 times and then succeed one time with that one special woman, then it’s a success. 2
Acacia98 Posted December 9, 2024 Posted December 9, 2024 I agree with Gebidozo. And I just want to add, if you're going out there and making an effort to meet women, you are going to experience plenty of rejections. It's normal. Practically everyone who makes the effort to date experiences it. I'm a woman who has asked a few men out over the years and I've experienced it too. You just can't afford to take it personally. Gebidozo is absolutely right. You need to realize that what rejection typically means is that this wasn't the right person for you. There are women out there who will be a good match and who will appreciate you, but you just haven't met them yet. So don't give up now. 'Cause if you do, you won't meet them. 1
Author grottle Posted December 9, 2024 Author Posted December 9, 2024 You're completely right, I realize it myself, just need some time to process it. In the end, after my emotions dried out, I realize that I made a big progress, I did make a move, I got to know how she was feeling relatively early, instead of just waiting and worrying for months and not expressing my intentions. After I let my emotions out, I cried a little in private but not really out of sadness, more from of emotion overload, I feel motivated to move on. I know I got better in the first part, now I have to learn how to better comprehend the results. 3
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