Wife cheating with Office Colleague and I revenge it with a Stranger

[Donald Jon]

I am married for 7 years. My Wife was having an affair with one of her Office Colleague 6 years back. She had denied that but she confessed he loved her more than anything. She had even received some Expensive Gifts from him shamelessly while she claimed he was just a Colleague who was very close to her. After that I made my stance very clear that if she didnt stay away from any man who have love interest towards her, we will go our separate ways. Then she started behaving very cautiously, she will clear all Chats regularly and she never let me go through her phone also, had locked with password. One day I had a call through her phone and saw msg from him"U there, reached home? notification at the top" Then I ask what the hell is that for? Unsurprisingly she denied everything which I had accused of her. She only said he is a very good colleague who took great care of her. Thats all. But I know she lied. I fear their relationship may be physical also as they spend 10-5 everyday. However after another 1 year, things changed after we have a Vacation and she got pregnant with my Child. We were improving but then I got transfered to another City bcoz of my JOB & our relationship is rocky again. 1 yr gone and then, She got busy with our Child plus managing with her job without my presence. And whenever she was overburdened she would blame me for everything bcoz of my Job transfer. She would go to that extend that she would call me by Bad Names & say very bad words to me many times. She would call me by Slangs which even mean [ ] . This kind of argument would make me go back to the thoughts of that episode thinking she was the one who have done that and she call me by that name. However I never use bad words to her. One day we had such a Big fight through phone and I went out for Partying with some of my Friends. We met some girls there, dancing great, drinking wild and Ultimately I cheated on my wife with one of the Girls. So, now, she had an illicit love affair 6 years ago & I cheated on her with a Stanger 5 years ago. I didn't tell her and I try to forget these episodes. I try my best to improve our relationship stil now, also I had joined Gym and reading books as well but it keeps me haunting occasionally. What should I do now.?

Edited December 6, 2024 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
offensive language

[Gaeta]

46 minutes ago, Donald Jon said:

After that I made my stance very clear that if she didnt stay away from any man who have love interest towards her, we will go our separate ways

What happened to going your separate ways? You made these big threats and did not follow through. 

This cannot work. Not everything can be fixed. You can glue back a broken vase but it will still be a broken vase. Words & actions have consequences and you're living it. This is not the type of family environment you want to raise a child in. 

 

[smackie9]

Now you know revenge doesn't make you feel any better, but more like a damn fool. If the relationship is still rocky, just fold up your tent and move on. Maybe self improvement would be more for your next relationship. 

[Sony12]

Not sure why he created multiple threads for this story.

Edited December 7, 2024 by Sony12

[fadi20]

Any relationship between a husband and wife cannot continue without real trust. From what you've written, it seems you're unsure about her relationship with her coworker, but you believe there is love or emotional connection between them. You've also mentioned that you cheated on her with another girl, justifying it because she supposedly started it first.

You've tried to distract yourself by joining a gym and reading books, but it still haunts you. What should you do?

Now, you are a father and need to be a good role model for your child. Focus on rebuilding trust with your wife and behaving well towards her, so your child can grow up in a loving and peaceful environment. If you don't, everything may fall apart, and all of you will suffer."

[MsJayne]

On 12/5/2024 at 1:27 AM, Donald Jon said:

What should I do now.?

Start by looking at it objectively. You don't trust her because you think she did the wrong thing, and she has good reason not to trust you because you did do the wrong thing. You had no actual proof that she'd cheated, yet you went and slept with a stranger out of spite. You can't justify your behaviour, you're guilty and that's why you can't let it go. I hope you went for an STD check after you slept with a stray. If you have to check your partner's 'phone because you're obsessed by the thought of them cheating, the relationship's over and just waiting for one of you to be an adult and leave.