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Did something change in our Friendship?

Zippy97

By Zippy97
in Friendship

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Zippy97 New Member

Zippy97

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I was getting on well with a Female colleague (we have known each other for almost 2 years) and after she wished me a Happy birthday, (and I really didn't expect it) she seemed to be excited and receptive to being invited to my birthday drinks with messages like "can't wait, sounds like a good plan"... eventually I had to cancel them though due to Family reasons and she said that was "fine and I am sure it will be great when it happens", following that I seemed to get some looks and a few times she was in the kitchen when I was.

The following weeks, we sent messages through work chat and Facebook and funny memes to each other... but then this week I invited her (and 9 other people) to a work Christmas event and she said she was busy with University work (I need to stress that I always invited her as a colleague to a work social event and not one on one dates), so I messaged back "OK, all good..."

I saw her in the office this morning and she gave me a bit of a cold look and just said "morning" when I said "good morning" to her so it made me think, it is probably best to not message her anymore or invite her out to events,  Can anything be repaired here as I like her Friendship and having her in my life.

I don't see anything wring with platonic friendships and I thought that this was one.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Posted
59 minutes ago, Zippy97 said:

I saw her in the office this morning and she gave me a bit of a cold look and just said "morning" when I said "good morning" to her so it made me think, it is probably best to not message her anymore or invite her out to events,  Can anything be repaired here as I like her Friendship and having her in my life.

Is this whole problem based on this exchange?   Have you considered that she may have been feeling unwell or stressed?  It may not even be about you

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Zippy97 New Member

Zippy97

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3 minutes ago, basil67 said:

Is this whole problem based on this exchange?   Have you considered that she may have been feeling unwell or stressed?  It may not even be about you

Thank you, that is basically what I am asking, should I just give her some space and remain civil or is there some way I can be there for her?

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Do you even know if she is single, OP? 

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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32 minutes ago, Zippy97 said:

Thank you, that is basically what I am asking, should I just give her some space and remain civil or is there some way I can be there for her?

She might be fine next time you see her, and things just continue as usual.  Or, if she's still a bit short, ask her if everything is OK.  

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Zippy97 New Member

Zippy97

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1 hour ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Do you even know if she is single, OP? 

She has never mentioned a partner and we aren't dating so I am confused by the question, but I do appreciate the response :)

Edited by Zippy97
basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Posted (edited)
9 hours ago, Zippy97 said:

She has never mentioned a partner and we aren't dating so I am confused by the question, but I do appreciate the response :)

I imagine the reason Expat asked about her being single is because it sounds like you're interested in more than friendship.

Also, if you don't know her relationship status, then it sounds more like you're acquaintances rather than friends.  Friends share the personal details of their lives, including marital status.  

Edited by basil67
MsJayne Established Member

MsJayne

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Maybe she thinks you had your birthday get-together later and excluded her. 

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Posted
On 12/4/2024 at 11:51 AM, Zippy97 said:

She has never mentioned a partner and we aren't dating so I am confused by the question, but I do appreciate the response :)

I know. But it seems you have a greater interest in her than friendship. 

Am I mistaken? 

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Zippy97 New Member

Zippy97

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On 12/6/2024 at 9:53 PM, ExpatInItaly said:

I know. But it seems you have a greater interest in her than friendship. 

Am I mistaken? 

where are you getting this from? I said from the get-go this is a platonic Friendship.

I was getting on well with a Female colleague (we have known each other for almost 2 years) and after she wished me a Happy birthday, (and I really didn't expect it) she seemed to be excited and receptive to being invited to my birthday drinks with messages like "can't wait, sounds like a good plan"... eventually I had to cancel them though due to Family reasons and she said that was "fine and I am sure it will be great when it happens", following that I seemed to get some looks and a few times she was in the kitchen when I was.

The following weeks, we sent messages through work chat and Facebook and funny memes to each other... but then this week I invited her (and 9 other people) to a work Christmas event and she said she was busy with University work (I need to stress that I always invited her as a colleague to a work social event and not one on one dates), so I messaged back "OK, all good..."

I saw her in the office this morning and she gave me a bit of a cold look and just said "morning" when I said "good morning" to her so it made me think, it is probably best to not message her anymore or invite her out to events,  Can anything be repaired here as I like her Friendship and having her in my life.

I don't see anything wrong with platonic friendships and I thought that this was one.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted
4 minutes ago, Zippy97 said:

where are you getting this from? I said from the get-go this is a platonic Friendship.

I know. I read that. 

I just don't believe you're being totally honest with yourself about your interest in her. Otherwise, I don't think her being off for a day or two would bother you this much. 

 

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basil67 Established Member

basil67

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I agree with @ExpatInItaly.   The fact that you took her greeting personally suggests quite a degree of personal interest.   She could have had a bad night sleep.  Her dad could be ill.  She might have had a disagreement with her boyfriend.  Perhaps she's being evicted.   The odds of her change in greeting being about you is very slim

Anyway, you started this thread last week.  What's changed since then?  Is she chatty again or avoiding you?

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Zippy97 New Member

Zippy97

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On 12/9/2024 at 5:19 PM, basil67 said:

I agree with @ExpatInItaly.   The fact that you took her greeting personally suggests quite a degree of personal interest.   She could have had a bad night sleep.  Her dad could be ill.  She might have had a disagreement with her boyfriend.  Perhaps she's being evicted.   The odds of her change in greeting being about you is very slim

Anyway, you started this thread last week.  What's changed since then?  Is she chatty again or avoiding you?

Thanks for asking, I haven't contacted her and haven't spoken to her since, only a good morning the other day, Yeah the thing is that you haven't seen some of the looks I used to get or some of the messages she sent, I am most likely wrong but it felt quite personal to me say Happy Birthday, hope you had a fantastic day in a message on our work chat rather than on Facebook.

I notice that she likes some of my posts on Facebook, I do like her yes (maybe more than a Friend) but I can't really understand why I feel that way and wouldn't want any awkwardness at work, so I feel that keeping my distance and being cordial is the best thing.

Edited by Zippy97
ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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Posted
5 hours ago, Zippy97 said:

it felt quite personal to me say Happy Birthday, hope you had a fantastic day in a message on our work chat

Do you mean the message itself was personal, or that she was trying to make a point of sending this on the work chat and not FB? 

5 hours ago, Zippy97 said:

some of the messages she sent

What kind of messages did she send? 

 

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Zippy97 New Member

Zippy97

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Is there a way to send the messages to you without posting them in here please? I have started to realize that I miss her Friendship, and the crush feelings have waned big time but I also feel guilty and responsible and just really don't want any awkwardness at work.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

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Posted
On 12/11/2024 at 5:57 PM, Zippy97 said:

Thanks for asking, I haven't contacted her and haven't spoken to her since, only a good morning the other day,

Why haven't you spoken to her?  

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Zippy97 New Member

Zippy97

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I felt like I was crossing a line inviting her out in group events and contacting her at work during work hours and I wanted to respect personal boundaries at work, I just want to keep it professional, I am unsure what she thinks, I don't think it would be a good idea to contact her again unless it is work related.

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