Author Walk Posted January 9, 2006 Author Posted January 9, 2006 He said he wants me out tomorrow. He left for work a half hour ago. He said since his sexual needs aren't getting met, then he's not going to put forth the effort to continue the relationship. I said if all he wanted was a hole, then go find it somewhere else. He said he doesn't want just a hole. But he wants his needs met. I explained I'd asked him for sex twice last night. He said no both times. He says I should've told him 'when your ready, i'll be ready too'. These exact words. No variation. And it would've avoided all this. I said what do you want, me to beg you to have sex with me. To lick your feet and eagerly wait for you to give me a drop of attention. That I should be turned down, over and over again for sex, beg you more and then have you accuse me of not wanting to meet your needs. He said he didn't see it that way. That he felt I wasn't "into" having sex with him, or I would've said the "magic" words. Because it wouldn't have taken any effort on my part to say them, so by not saying them, then I'm proving I don't want to meet his needs. He said I should've stopped him in the middle of the argument and told him I wanted to have sex with him. By not doing so proves I don't care to meet his needs, only that my wants come before his. I told him I was sexual frustrated too. That my sexual needs weren't getting met. But every time I asked, I was denied. I asked him when the last time I had denied him sex was. First he say's Valentines day. (Almost a year ago. I'd been sick, and nauseous, and asked if I could make it up to him the next day. He said I did it on purpose. Still brings it up to this day.) Then I ask if that's the last time, he says no. That I deny him sex every time he walks in the door because I don't recreate that closeness and intimacy. Something about I don't bring us close after he's been away at work all week. I ask him what does he want.. me to grab his dick every time he walks in the door. He says no. That's not what he meant. He says we never comprimise. I tell him he never gives the option of comprimise. It's his way or the highway. He says I never talk about it. I tell him that everytime I tell him I'm not comfortable with something, he brushes it off as though my feelings are irrelevant. He says well they don't make any sense and I don't think you should feel that way. I say, but I do, and I feel like you've left me no room to comprimise because you don't think I should have a problem. He says your correct, I don't think you should have a problem with it. And he doesn't understand why I just don't do "it". (certain thing) He says he's tired of arguing to get his needs met. Then asks me when I can move out. I said "well don't let me stop you from nailing the first ho you see." He says, I don't need your permission. (ouch) I said all you want is a hole. He reiterates it's not. I say, but you'll break up with me because I didn't say 6 words exactly as you wanted. He says it's not about the words, it about the intention. That he wanted me to say when your ready, i'm ready.. I say, no. The only thing I didn't do was say those words, so your going to break up with me because I didn't say 6 words. Whatever... I don't even know if we really are broke up. He kept talking about future tense.. resolving later. How to.. something. Then some blather about how he can't think of marrying me if he isn't getting his needs met now. (We never talk about marriage unless he's pissed at me, then he brings it up. I never bring it up) How he'd like to add me to his insurance, but fears that I'll continue to not meet his needs, but he feels guilty for having it since I don't. (Dr. told me I could possibly have breast cancer, but need more tests. I have no money) I feel like a nut job.. rationally I don't think I am. But maybe I've deluded myself. Maybe I am. How do you know? I'm sure nut jobs don't admit to themselves that they are nut jobs.... Will someone please come over and kick me in the head. I know this isn't 'normal' and I know it's f***ing up my head. But I really want to beg and cry and plead for him to not break up with me. This is f***ed up. This is retarded. I start classes at a new college tomorrow. I still don't even have the books, or even paper to write on. I haven't got a dime to my name. And Mr. Provider just left me hanging. Gone. Poof. Mr. Can't do Wrong, who supposedly meets all my needs. Again, just conveniently skipped out when I'm destitute. I have ONE dollar. A dollar to my name. After his "if you get a job we're over". A DOLLAR. And he's gone. Hypocryte.
Author Walk Posted January 9, 2006 Author Posted January 9, 2006 Was hoping for some response. just say you acknowledge? A hi? a Hang in there? oh. well. too long of posts. stupid broken record. no sense. why bother.
Mary3 Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 I think he is a total Pr**k. !! As bad as it may be, NOTHING can be as bad as listening to this insensitive jerk ! Do you have family or friends you can stay with ? He got you sooooooooo dependant on him financially and now this nut case ( thats right HE is the NUT CASE ) wants you to be a puppet and beg. I would tell him to f*** off ! I would get my stuff and go stay with someone and start over. He can kiss my $#% ! ( not yours thankfully anymore God I hope you learned from this and pick a better guy next time If I were there I would tell him off personally. Not even worth the air he sucked in your presence. Good riddance Jack O**f !
Outcast Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 Walk, get out. You are mired in one seriously f&^%$ed up relationship. He's demanding you be his puppet - that every time he pulls a string you jump exactly the way he wants you to. And you are trying to do all of his bidding. Girl, this is sick and twisted. Do you understand that? If your best friend or your sister or mother was in a relationship like this, you'd be at her house packing her bag and dragging her out. He knows. I've told him. Explained in depth why it bothered me. How it affectd me. Why I reacted as I did. And how I view the situation. IF HE CARED ABOUT YOU HE'D CHANGE. He demands YOU do all the changing, all the caring, everything. He insists you give give give give and has no need to give back. Really, Walk, you have to get out. You are being demolished. Your rationality is at risk as you try to make excuses for him endlessly. You have to get out to save your own self from this insanity.
Fun2BMe Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 I think there might be some underlying issues he has towards you that he is failing to address, and instead taking the safety zone of blaming it on the sex. The only parenthesis (...) you used was around the comment that he thinks you might have breast cancer, but you haven't checked it out because you don't have insurance. Sometimes cancer is so frightening that people take out their fears in different ways. Some leave their partner, some pretend it's not there and so on. I think he's scared of that and loves you so much that he'd rather leave you than deal with it if it turns out that you do have it (hopefully not though). Another thing is that he tells you that after being away for a week and returning, he feels that he's not getting the closeness from you that he wants. I don't think it's about wanting you to "grab his dick every time he walks in the door" as you put it, but more like getting extra attention. If I'm away and come back, I want A LOT of attention. You might THINK you're giving it, but he obviously doesn't feel it. Maybe you should be more doting on him when he returns from work? You mention that you only have a dollar. He might have resentment at the fact that he's bringing home the bread so he deserves the extra attention and maybe does want you to not literally, but lick his feet. Again, he doesn't want to tell you because it would be tacky, so it seems like he's blaming everything on the sex. It's obvious that's really not the problem because you say you have initiated it and he turns you down. The only reason I can think of a man turning down sex continuously from his girlfriend is if there are other more serious underlying issues that have not been dealt with, so he can't bring himself to be initmate with you. That can be a good thing, because the other scenerio would be that he's so into sex that even though there are issues he's not happy with, he is still willing to have sex, and I wouldn't want a man having sex with me without me knowing that there were problems existing that I did not know about, so at least in that regard it demonstrates his sensitivity. I'm not justifying his actions towards you in any way. I think he has dealt with it the wrong way. There's no excuse for how mean and hurtful he's been towards you. And it's not crazy that you say you want to beg for him to take you back. You love him and want things to work out. When someone gives the simple advice "just leave him" it's easier said than done, so naturally after living together you don't want to just walk out. The fact that your college class starts tomorrow should be the priority of the things you are concerned with and thinking about at this point in time. He has left for work, you have school tomorrow. Don't bend over backwards when he's the one treating you so badly, by inconveniencing yourself to pack up by tomorrow. He didn't specify a time for you to leave, and it's not practical for what he is suggesting. Don't try to make him feel sorry for you by leaving if you are not ready to. At this point, focus on your classes tomorrow. I don't know if you work, but you really need to buy your books and notebooks and be worrying about that, instead of his so-called sexual needs not being met. I mean give me a break, you're supposed to say I'm ready when you're ready? That is ridiculous. I can't imagine how traumatized you are that he has refused you time and again. You must be strong to not have a nervous breakdown after being rejected for your sexual advance. I think you have to sit down and have a talk to find out what the real issues he has are. I don't thik it's sexual since you initiate, he refuses. There are other things bothering hiim about you and you have a right to know what they are so you can work on them or at least decide if you still want to be with him once you find out those things are stuff that are bothering him to the point that he's willing to let you go over it.
lindya Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 I feel like a nut job.. rationally I don't think I am. You're definitely not. You've just been in one of those awful relationships that make you question yourself in ways that most people don't have to. I know this isn't 'normal' and I know it's f***ing up my head. But I really want to beg and cry and plead for him to not break up with me. I bet that's exactly what he's angling for you to do. HE'S f***ed up, and he wants to see you behaving in a f***ed up way to make him feel more normal. I'm glad you took my earlier posts in the spirit they were meant. I think you may well need to learn to assert yourself more and give others the clear message that you are who you are. It does sound, though, as if this guy is far too screwed up and into manipulating those around him to ever provide an environment within which you can flourish and grow. It's harmful to continue in a relationship this someone like that who you simply cannot reason with. Good luck, Walk. I hope it's feasible for you to get out of this damaging situation as quickly as you can.
Weye Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 It sounds like BF is suffering from severe depression or has some serious mental health issues. Changing yourself or the way you act towards him isn't going to change that. Its something that he needs to change himself. If he does not openly accept that he has a problem, and isn't willing to put forth an *honest and sincere effort* to fix his own problems, things will not get better. At the same time, its unhealthy for you to be dependant on him financially or emotionally. He is taking you for granted. It sounds like he needs a wake up call. He needs to know that you're leaving if he doesn't change. Unless he knows this, he will continue to treat you like $H
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