My girlfriend's adult children attacked me and now I'm the bad guy. AITA?

[Applitisity]

So my (m41) gf (f43) and I got into argument about her social media accounts and she told me to leave the house. I said no, not until we resolve this. So she got up and went to her daughter’s room and told her to come help her make me leave. Her and her brother (both in their early 20’s) asked me to leave and then started swearing, name calling and abusing me. The son kept mimicking me and calling me a *** (homophobic slur starting with F) with a small ***, over and over again. I refused to leave and told them that we were just having a small argument, that it doesn’t involve them and things don’t need to escalate, let’s take a time out and let me and their mum work things out. As I was still lying in our bed, the daughter attacked me first by grabbing me, scratching me and then punching and slapping me several times. The son then started grabbing me too and we ended up pushing and shoving each other. He kept telling me to hit him and at one point, as he charged at me, I grabbed him by the neck and pinned him against the wall. I eventually left and their mum has since broken up with me.

I’m absolutely shattered and heart broken how all three relationships turned to dust so quickly, over an argument that could have easily been resolved amicably. I have visible marks and scratches all around my neck, head and upper body (and even started bled) and a swollen nose (possible slight fracture). They have no marks or anything as I didn’t retaliate other than pushing them off me and pinning the son against the wall.

I get that I probably should have left earlier and I would have had it been an amicable/adult conversation, but for all three of them to attack me over such a small argument totally shook me.

I’m particularly upset that my gf deliberately involved her kids when it was totally unnecessary and an obvious attempt to escalate things and make me look like the bad guy for not leaving. 

I’m so disappointed in all of them, especially the daughter (someone who I thought I had a good relationship with whom I respected) as she started the violence and also the mum for involving her kids in the first place. Not so much the son as he was just trying to have his mum and sister’s back. I can’t believe they all ruined what was such an amazing relationship with someone who I thought was the love of my life, my forever. I’m so heartbroken and in shock right now.

Am I the A/hole?

[ShyViolet]

You know what.... you were 100% the AH here.

Your gf wanted you to leave, and you dug in your heels and refused.  She felt the need to get backup, her adult children, to support her and to further ask you to leave.  You continued to refuse to leave.  You had three people telling you to leave and your reaction was to refuse.  Leaving to let her cool down and then resuming the conversation later, more calmly, would have been the intelligent thing to do.  This was 100% your fault.  She's broken up with you now, just leave her alone.

[NuevoYorko]

Why would you even go to this place?  Starting with arguing about her social media accounts?  

In any and every case, if a person asks you to leave their home, you leave.

[Gaeta]

3 hours ago, Applitisity said:

Her and her brother (both in their early 20’s) asked me to leave and then started swearing, name calling and abusing me. The son kept mimicking me and calling me a *** (homophobic slur starting with F) with a small ***, over and over again

When a woman ask you to leave her home - you leave. You don't try to talk things out, you leave. The children did not attack you over the social media argument, they attacked you because you were not obeying their mother's request to leave. You poked into these children's primal instinct to protect their mother. 

That  being said: The language they were using toward you makes me think they probably never had much respect for you. 

Edited November 29, 2024 by Gaeta

[basil67]

She was so furious at your issue with her social media that she asked you to leave.   This was no small argument which was going to be resolved quickly.  Instead, it sounds like your attitude about it was a deal breaker to her. 

As far as her kids getting involved goes:  You must always leave someone's house when they tell you to go.  Perhaps you would have preferred they call the police to have you forcibly removed?