GF's (25F) ex (25M) is visiting, and it's making me (25M) uncomfortable—am I overreacting?

[Marcy]

Make this r/relationship friendly for reddit:  

So I (25M) and GF (25F) have been dating for the last year or so roughly. she's not from my country and actually moved here for us to stay together - we did long distance for a few months before that.

 

For the last week or so, her ex (25M) has been visiting to see her and catch up (they haven't met since 2 years ago). Before he arrived, we talked about him visiting and if I would be comfortable with it. I said it would be fine not thinking much about it and to enjoy herself catching up (they talk regularly over text). 

 

However when he did arrive everything just seemed weird. The problem started with him only being able to speak French and very poorly English. Already a language barrier becoming an issue, which just made things awkward at the dinner. 

 

This sat my GF in a position to more or less choose who to speak to. To me in English or to him in French. After the dinner my GF and I sleept at my place and her ex at her apartment. The day after, I voiced my issues with the language barrier proposing for just them to hang out exclusively. This way they could catch up and the awkwardness wouldn't be there. Because I found it a bit weirded out/uncomfortable being around them talking feeling excluded. 

 

Today she asked if we were to hold an important event like a weeding, if she could invite her only real 2 friends (her ex and her female friend) to the weeding. I voiced that I wouldn't be comfortable with her ex being there, but he could come as a normal guest. This upset her prompting her to leave to have brunch with her ex. 

 

But now I'm starting to feel like I'm the mean/jealous BF... that don't trust her and should just accept her being so good friends with her ex.

How should I proceed with this?

[Gaeta]

So you were fully open with him visiting, what difference does it make he doesn't speak good English enough to have a conversation with you?

It's like because they have a language in common it changed everything for you.

Edited November 23, 2024 by Gaeta

[ShyViolet]

47 minutes ago, Marcy said:

Today she asked if we were to hold an important event like a weeding, if she could invite her only real 2 friends (her ex and her female friend) to the weeding. I voiced that I wouldn't be comfortable with her ex being there, but he could come as a normal guest.

Why are you talking about who you would or would not invite to your wedding..... this relationship is nowhere near the stage where you should be talking about this.

[FMW]

If you suggested they should meet one  on one to catch up, then you aren't jealous.  At the same time, if you don't mind him visiting and spending time alone with her, why would you mind him being at your possible wedding in the future?

Edited November 23, 2024 by FMW

[Leihla_B]

Just now, FMW said:

...if you don't mind him visiting and spending time alone with her, why would you mind him being at your possible wedding in the future?

Exactly. If the whole point of condoning your partner's involvement with her ex is to keep her happy, then why squash a wedding invitation where you'd have little to no need to deal with him beyond a hello and a thank you?

Personally, I won't involve myself with anyone who is still involved with an ex beyond shared children. I don't claim that this is 'right' for anyone else. I just know myself, and I don't have the bandwidth to deal with unfinished business between anyone else. You're learning one reason WHY.

[Gebidozo]

Tough call.

On the one hand, I personally think that there is nothing wrong with being friends with your ex.

On the other hand, the level of friendship your GF is having with her ex would make me feel uncomfortable.

I’d actually feel worse about their one on one meetings than about common meetings or wedding invitations.

OP, are you sure you’re completely okay with your GF’s interaction with her ex? When you suggested them to meet without you, were you being completely honest or were you testing your GF, hoping she’s say “no”? What exactly made you feel uncomfortable? 

Edited November 24, 2024 by Gebidozo

[Els]

On 11/24/2024 at 12:49 AM, Marcy said:

Today she asked if we were to hold an important event like a weeding, if she could invite her only real 2 friends (her ex and her female friend) to the weeding. I voiced that I wouldn't be comfortable with her ex being there, but he could come as a normal guest.

I'm really confused. Whose wedding are you talking about here...? Yours???