First short relationship break down has messed me up a bit

[Artemids]

Hi,

I fell fully in love with a woman last year. The relationship technically lasted 6 months. In reality it was a 3 month relationship, then getting blind sided, then waiting (stupidly) for 3 months for her to decide if she wanted a relationship. Spoiler alert, she was not ready for a relationship. The pain is compounded by a young child being in the mix, not of my blood, but non the less, I love that child. This was my first relationship and the first woman I genuinly fell in love with. I thought I knew what love felt like before, but I did not know until I fell for her. About 50% of the time I have faith that I will love again, but the other 50% of the time does prove a problem. It has been 5 months since the relationship ended, and I am still struggling with it. I am very frustrated that after such a short relationship, I am still so upset by it. I saw her today and I barley fended off a panic attack (I was on a run, that helped).

My question is, what are some coping mechanisms that have helped people who have experienced first heartbreak in their mid 20s?

[ExpatInItaly]

Sorry you're hurting so much, OP. The ups and downs are normal. 

One thing I am wondering is if this relationship moved quite quickly? You only dated three momths but reference a child that yoy loved. I am concerned that you already knew the woman's child (at least, I am assuming it's her kid you're talking about) 

Was this a whirlwind romance? 

[Artemids]

2 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

Was this a whirlwind romance? 

She and I have known eachother quite a long time. This child is very young, only turned 3 last month. I met him a couple of times before we dated. In that 3 months, I spent a lot of time with him, by month 3 I was spending time with him without her there (looking after him when she was at work and such). I miss him every day, it does not help that his nusury is on my way to and from work. It hurts to know that he will probablly not remember me being so young. I guess you could call that whirlwind?

[ExpatInItaly]

31 minutes ago, Artemids said:

I guess you could call that whirlwind?

Yes, I would. 

You two got enmeshed way too fast. I realize you already knew her, but it was not a good idea to even involve the kid at this stage. That's likely why this also stings so much now. It lit up far too quickly, so the inevitable crash feels extra-hard. 

You will get through it. But next time, pace yourself more. Even if the other person is fine moving at warp speed, don't do it. It's not wise. Take your time. 

[Artemids]

50 minutes ago, ExpatInItaly said:

next time, pace yourself more

Yes, my nievety and lack of experience in relationships has done me in here. I think I shall heed your advice. Thanks for th replys, I think I just needed someone to say it was going to be okay.

[Gebidozo]

This was a very short relationship that had moved way too fast into an advanced stage.

I wouldn’t apply the word “love” to such an experience, regardless of how intense it has been. 3 or 6 months is way too soon to call your feelings “love”.

The pain you’re experiencing now has been caused by this infatuation. You’ve imagined too much, invested too much emotionally. Next time, please move at a much slower pace.

You are going to be fine. Love can be experienced at any age. I’m 48 and I had some very painful heartbreaks, but now I find myself in the best relationship of my life.

[Leihla_B]

My heart goes out to you. I've found it important to distinguish the difference between natural grief versus ruminating myself into a deeper hole to climb out of.

Yes, give yourself certain periods to grieve, but also fill your calendar with commitments to friends, loved ones, and neighbors that you will not break. Help them with a project, an errand, yard work, preparing a meal. Don't wait until you feel 'up' to doing these things. The company of others, focused on them, will ground you and normalize you in ways that you can't fathom through imagination alone. This must be experienced, and you will be grateful to yourself and the people in your life for sharing it.

Head high, we all learn through living, and you can do this.

[Gaeta]

Once it took me a full year to get over a 6 months relationship. It was a very intense infatuation and when those end we actually experience severe withdrawal. It's important to delete all pictures, get rid of anything reminding of them, and change the road you use.

In the future do not get involved in children's lives so early for you sake but especially for the sake of the children, they too get attached.

You will get to love again, you'll love deeper and smarter. Repeat to yourself it did not work because something better is waiting for you, and let life work its magic.