32 year old male living with parents in New York city: how do I explain this to women?

[whenisfriday]

I've had a hard life. I have bad ocd/anxiety, some adhd and now I've been diagnosed with bipolar type 1.

I never knew what I wanted to do with my life and have issues making decisions on every little thing. I almost failed out of college sophomore year due to depression. mainly because all my friends I thought I made left me and I was lonely on the weekends. I took a semester off to work and them transfered colleges to study physical activity and wellness. however I almost failed out of classes again because there was no tutoring. so my life was delayed yet again. 

I graduated with a 2.7 GPA. all I have now are years of entry level experience that can't get me a job that pays well and it sucks for me. I also went away for rehab for my mental health for 3 months after going through antidepressant withdrawals for almost a year, which delayed my life even further. I haven't been able to move out of my parents house and I'm now 32 years old. I work at a job I hate making 23 dollars and hour because I don't have experience for anything better. I just never knew what I wanted to do with my life and still don't. I thought I would figure it out by now.

my parents never kicked me out which enabled me to stay in my comfort zone. apparently one of the symptoms of being bipolar is being indecisive which may explain why I can't make decisions.

I'm currently taking grad school courses to earn a certificate in public health which will hopefully transfer into a masters program. however I'm not sure if this path is for me and I'm not sure if I wanna pay loans to spend another 4 plus years in undergrad. it took me longer because I couldn't handle a full course load and had to retake classes

all of this severely delayed my life. how do I explain this to women i want to date and hook up with? and how much will it honestly decrease my odds with them? I know the dating scene in New York City is competitive and I don't want to wait another decade to enjoy any sort of sexually-tied connections with women. and how do I explain all of this to them??? I know this will decrease my chances a bit but I'm not sure to what extent.

Edited November 16, 2024 by whenisfriday

[basil67]

You've been on quite the journey!   Congratulations for keeping at it

I've got a few different thoughts, so I'm going to bullet point them

• Not everyone ends up with a career and that's OK - every working person is valuable to society.   But perhaps you could find a different job which you don't hate. 
• I totally agree about not spending a lot of money on a degree which you may not like and will have trouble studying for anyway
• I wouldn't say that your parents enabled you - instead, they were caring for you.   Given your mental health, if they'd kicked you out you may well have ended up dead.  But now that you sound stable, it's time to look for other living options
• Your income will make it tough to find a place in NYC.  Do you have any affordable housing providers?  Or Government housing? Given your mental health and that your parents are your supports, it would be really helpful if you could stay near your parents
• With a girlfriend, I'd honestly get on some dating apps which are for neuro diverse people.  They will have the understanding that not everyone is able to launch out of home by the time they are in their early 20's, and also have the understanding about needing supports around you

Good luck!

[ShyViolet]

Fellow New Yorker here, hi.

Some women will be turned off by this and that's just inevitable.  Those people aren't for you and don't waste your time trying to convince them.  But there are women out there who are understanding about mental health issues and lives that haven't gone perfectly.  Don't roll this all out on a first date/meeting.  Just share your situation in small doses, like "I don't have my own place yet, I'm still figuring out my path in life."  Without dumping all your problems on them.  As you get to know a woman and have been seeing them longer, you share the info in more detail.

[Els]

If it helps, your career and living with your parents is irrelevant to hooking up and casual dating. Heck, lots of people hook up without knowing where the person lives or what they work as! However, I won't lie, not being neurotypical does mean that you might struggle to find hookups. A lot of that is about social skills and physical appearance, and because there are usually more men than women looking for hookups, it's pretty competitive for men.

As for relationships, your living situation will narrow your pool for sure, but it won't eliminate it completely. In your place I'd focus on meeting people organically and connecting with them first, so that they get to know you before they know your job. If that makes sense? On dating apps you'd just be a page to be swiped, they'd see your occupation before they even get to know you, and that would probably put you at a disadvantage.

I actually think that if you're in grad school right now, that's a great place to meet women. Do you join any hobby clubs, attend social events at your college, etc? If you can get a certificate fairly soon, I'd persist with that. There's no need to get a Masters usually unless you really like academia (or for a leg up in specific careers), but if you don't even have a certificate or college degree, it's hard to break into the job market nowadays. Try to get an internship at the end to get your foot in the door.

Good luck!

 

[smackie9]

Woody Allen had np getting women, and that's a guy that couldn't pick out sheets without consulting with his therapist. He accomplished a lot even tho he suffers from OCD/anxiety. He is a scrawny, unattractive guy, that used his humor and played on his inadequacy. The trick is to not care what others think and be the best you can be.