SmoochieFace Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 ...but I don't believe she's ready for a real serious, healthy relationship until she can be happy with herself. Noone will ever measure up or do enough to fullfill her needs. BAM! Here's where it's at, folks. She needs to be HAPPY with herself. I agree, Mr. Postman may be a great catch but not for her. Unfortunately, if the OP is *hot*, he will be blinded by the *heat* and fall straight into the trap.
SmoochieFace Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 Interesting that you define criticism on your "an eye for an eye" attitude as double standard. And why is it interesting? Care to elaborate based on your perspective and experience?
Author Fun2BMe Posted January 10, 2006 Author Posted January 10, 2006 Although I still need a lot of advice and help, I'm through with this thread. All the vultures have descended down picking me apart with hateful comments, attacking me and I'm not going to deal with this additional drama and name calling like I'm "Selfish, narcissistic, full of themselves, centre of the universe: (SmoochieFace), "How selfish can you be?", (Woggle), ".i hated girls with high emotional-maintenance" (Deidre) sorry you hate me based on these few posts, " and "Please get off your high horse" (csfong007), "drama and self-centeredness" (Yuckyface), And smoochieface that's fine you wouldn't want to date someone like me, I wasn't here to get picked up on. And so amazing how everyone is quick to analyze me, even imagine what I look like and so forth. Thanks to a few of you who sincerely provided useful feedback. Bye for now. But SmoochieFace you are a bully and you succeeded in making me feel upset with your words and I don't want to sit here fighting for my character when all I've done is be completely honest. Maybe you all are so rational when you are so in love you don't act straight. Maybe you are all not as emotional and sensitive like me, to the point I"m traumatized from calling and answering phones because of one bad experience many years ago and so now I need so much reassurance to be on the phone. If I was so full of my self I don't think I would be that insecure and scared but I am not here to try to prove my character, you all are doing a good job having fun attacking it. Over and out for me here. 1
Outcast Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 You'd hope that people who suffer disorders might have some sympathy for others suffering disorders. And Smooch, I generally think you're bright but you're displaying that sort of fondness for bogus generalizations that is a big turnoff. Here's a way to measure your own sense of balance and reason: if you honestly believe you can characterize an entire group of people that way, then you need to do a lot more introspection/learning/maturing. I don't care if the group you characterize are beautiful women or Chinese men or purple people-eaters; it is irrational and unfair to make such generalizations, period. Goes for Fun2BeMe who's decided to believe all men are rats as much as for Alpha who thinks all women are crap and Smooch who thinks all beautiful women are crap and anybody else who buys into that impoverished sort of mentality.
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 I really hope you consider therapy Fun2BMe. There's nothing to be embarressed about, it's there to help you. Tons of people do therapy or need it at some point in their life. Good luck with things.
Deirdre Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 ".i hated girls with high emotional-maintenance" (Deidre) sorry you hate me based on these few posts, " no dearie, of course i dont hate you, but i reckon i might if im dating you. LOL. been there done that.....my previous relationship was a rollercoaster. now thats exactly what i felt towards my ex. expects 1001% attention because one has a "bad past experience" and still recovering from trauma hence having the right to be total b***h! i didnt even care eventually and wished her 101 suicide attempts would finally succeed. anyway its goodbye to that person.
SmoochieFace Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 You'd hope that people who suffer disorders might have some sympathy for others suffering disorders. And Smooch, I generally think you're bright but you're displaying that sort of fondness for bogus generalizations that is a big turnoff. All right, so experience doesn't count one iota, right? Being dumped on, treated like *beep*, being *made fun of*, yada yada yada by those women doesn't count, right? Well, *beep*, I'm not gonna sit around and allow that to happen again so that is why I have written them off completely. You think things would be any different now that I am 37? No way - they've been the same since I was 17. I always thought the older I get the *better* people would be. Guess I was wrong when it came to *hotties*.
SmoochieFace Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 You'd hope that people who suffer disorders might have some sympathy for others suffering disorders. ... Couldn't let this slip away... Sympathy? Empathy? What a joke! Where is the empathy/sympathy fairy for me? Huh?! I live this hell every single friggin' DAY and no-one has *helped* me deal with it! And you expect ME to have empathy/sympathy for others who are suffering! Give me a break - I can't even deal with my own hell and if I can't deal with that then how am I supposed to deal with other people's issues? Imagine going through life with absolutely no friends, no-one to turn to, no family even. If I got arrested by some stupid-shyt cop over something *questionable* you think I have anyone to turn to to help me? I would lose everything I have worked for all my life. Do you now get why I am very mistrusting and have to always *stay under the radar* lest some catastrophe occur? I am better off either being completely away from people or dead...
Outcast Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 All right, so experience doesn't count one iota, right? Being dumped on, treated like *beep*, being *made fun of*, yada yada yada by those women doesn't count, right? No because that you had bad experiences with SOME women doesn't give you evidence that ALL women of that sort are identical. That's flawed thinking. Where is the empathy/sympathy fairy for me? Huh?! I live this hell every single friggin' DAY and no-one has *helped* me deal with it! And you expect ME to have empathy/sympathy for others who are suffering! Give me a break - I can't even deal with my own hell and if I can't deal with that then how am I supposed to deal with other people's issues? I don't know if you're able to figure from how someone writes about a situation whether the person's self-reported behaviour is extreme or within the range of expected behaviour. In many cases, I've seen you provide very balanced and fair answers. In this case, I can't tell whether you noticed the self-reported behaviour was extreme or not. Because it is, the person IMHO needs to be dealt with differently and shown through reason that it's time to consult professionals because something is amiss. So letting your own baggage colour your advice doesn't help in this situation because your extreme reaction will cause the person to do exactly what you do - retreat and reject. If the OP will listen to us and get the help she needs, she'll have a much better, happier life and she'll find that her relationships will be much more satisfying. Imagine going through life with absolutely no friends, no-one to turn to, no family even. If I got arrested by some stupid-shyt cop over something *questionable* you think I have anyone to turn to to help me? I would lose everything I have worked for all my life. Do you now get why I am very mistrusting and have to always *stay under the radar* lest some catastrophe occur? There are online and 3D groups for folks with Aspie. And people like me are trying hard to raise public awareness. I doubt it's only 'beautiful women' who have misunderstood you. I daresay most people do so to slang 'beautiful women' for it in particular isn't fair. People as a whole fail to understand the nature of disorders and even when they've heard about disorders, still don't really get it. I hate that people are too quick to judge others - both you and the people who judged you. I hate that people leap to assume that peoples' actions are all based on malice. But hating humans isn't the way to go. The way to go for you is to assume that any human you're dealing with is ignorant about Aspie and what it means to be Aspie. You have knowledge and understanding about what makes Aspies different from everyone else and so you can expect misunderstandings over those issues. It's not that people are evil or malicious; mostly they're uninformed and act out of that ignorance. I am better off either being completely away from people or dead... No, you're better off to hang with people who understand your issues and maybe even work with them to raise awareness. It's going to take time, unfortunately, and so, yes, you'll have to live under the radar. It's another form of discrimination. And, like other people who have suffered discrimination, you have several choices - - get mad at the world and be hostile to everyone - curl up into a ball and hide - accept that life is what it is and refuse to let it bother you; keeping your cards close to the vest - get out there and work for the elimination of ignorance. Option 1 will only poison your own soul. I'm thinking any of the others would be better for you in the long run.
SmoochieFace Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 It's not that people are evil or malicious; mostly they're uninformed and act out of that ignorance. Some are... and as far as those who are merely *ignorant* I have no desire to pay any price for their *ignorance*. I am not going to lose what I have built over someone's unwillingness to learn. I would rather be dead than be destitute. I will say that I am quite agitated today. People in my office are driving me slowly mad with their constant chatter and I need a break from it.
loony Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 What bugs me is that someone who is an Aspie and aware that this means having problems in regards to social interactions because he fails to identify and interpret the subtle signs in communication between people is so eager to condemn people who fail to meet his expectations. Ever thought that the cause of trouble is you, because you don't know how to interact with people? Any guy who complains about beautiful women not wanting him should just realize that he didn't meet her needs and that she because of her looks has a lot of other guys running after her that might meet them, so it would be grossly illogical to expect her to settle for someone who is not making her happy. Also I don't understand it why some guys assume that a woman who is pursued by a lot of people has to choose them of all her admirers and are angry when she doesn't. And by the way, Smoochie, if you have pursued beautiful women in the past, you must have had personal preferences concerning their physique.
SmoochieFace Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 What bugs me is that someone who is an Aspie and aware that this means having problems in regards to social interactions because he fails to identify and interpret the subtle signs in communication between people is so eager to condemn people who fail to meet his expectations. Ever thought that the cause of trouble is you, because you don't know how to interact with people? And I'll tell you what bugs me... not that it really matters to you but I'll say it anyway. I get a bit tired of people who say things like "you're the problem, etc." and not offer ANY advice on how to deal with it or change. Easier to just say "you're wrong" and not offer any constructive advice on how to fix it. And by the way, Smoochie, if you have pursued beautiful women in the past, you must have had personal preferences concerning their physique. I haven't *pursued* anyone since I was 17. When I realised that I couldn't even get *ugly* girls to give me the time day I gave up on it. What's the point of continuing to do something that always results in failure? These days, I don't approach anyone for anything *social*. And I didn't have any physical preferences either at the time...
loony Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 And I'll tell you what bugs me... not that it really matters to you but I'll say it anyway. I get a bit tired of people who say things like "you're the problem, etc." and not offer ANY advice on how to deal with it or change. Easier to just say "you're wrong" and not offer any constructive advice on how to fix it. Damn it, it's obvious that you need therapy! What kind of advice do you want more? The only personal thing I could recommend you is to stop assuming malice and to ask when you feel that someone said something offensive. Stop making assumptions and ask what the real deal is. I also don't know why I should make an ass out of myself to explain you something when you are convinced that you are right anyway. I haven't *pursued* anyone since I was 17. When I realised that I couldn't even get *ugly* girls to give me the time day I gave up on it. What's the point of continuing to do something that always results in failure? Could it be that your disorder caused you to fail in recognizing the clues that people were giving you? It's always the others who are to blame when you don't understand them, even though you know you have this disorder.
JayKay Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 Gosh, I've missed everything! Smoochie.....what up, bunny? How did this topic suddenly turn to Aspergers? (Isn't that what you're referring to?) You need support and therapy. This world is run by people who understand social cues and learning to 'read' them will help you change your life. There's a book you might be interested in written by Temple Gradin -- she's autistic, which I realize is different from Aspergers. But she too dealt with rejection and feeling like an alien on another planet her whole life. The intense loneliness and social isolation is devastating for people who grow up with a different world perception than 99% of the population. She went on to get an advanced degree, has become well-respected in her field, writes books and speaks publicly. She will always be 'strange' but she has learned to function in the world quite effectively. Interestingly, certain parts of the country (and certain industries) are dominated by people with Asperger's and autistic-like characteristics. There was an article written a while back about the prevalence of it in Silicon Valley, CA. Temple Gradin herself declared NASA as '...the biggest sheltered workshop in the world...' Communities of people with Asperger's even have their own slang for mainstream people -- I forget the word but it was funny.
SmoochieFace Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 Stop making assumptions and ask what the real deal is. Uh, I have been doing that and I get ignored. What next? Stalk them? Plant myself on their doorstep until they say it? Beat it out of them? I also don't know why I should make an ass out of myself to explain you something when you are convinced that you are right anyway. There's that condescending hostile tone again. Not surprised. Could it be that your disorder caused you to fail in recognizing the clues that people were giving you? Listen, I've been asking people for twenty years what these *clues* are and no-one... I mean NO-ONE has been able to explain it! Can you? It's always the others who are to blame when you don't understand them, even though you know you have this disorder. More sarcasm. Nice. Absolutely nothing there about them perhaps making an effort to understand ME, right? Oh, that's right. I'M the weirdo so I have to change, right? Can you (or anyone else) see why I find it easier to just say *beep* it and give up?
loony Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 Smoochie, your whole post is the perfect example par exellence. You assume too much about my intentions, and you see malice everywhere. And it would be nice if you could stop using the word 'sarcasm' in my presence, you don't understand when I'm sarcastic and when I'm not and it's not very beneficial for anybody if you throw around accusations.
SmoochieFace Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 You assume too much about my intentions, and you see malice everywhere. Well, you HAVE been hostile towards me in the past. Have you now done a 180? And it would be nice if you could stop using the word 'sarcasm' in my presence, you don't understand when I'm sarcastic and when I'm not and it's not very beneficial for anybody if you throw around accusations. So help me understand then. I am willing to learn. The question is are you willing to teach... or do you just throw your hands up in the air and walk away? Or is it that I am not *good enough* to learn anything from you? Hmmm...
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 ... Couldn't let this slip away... Sympathy? Empathy? What a joke! Where is the empathy/sympathy fairy for me? Huh?! I live this hell every single friggin' DAY and no-one has *helped* me deal with it! And you expect ME to have empathy/sympathy for others who are suffering! Give me a break - I can't even deal with my own hell and if I can't deal with that then how am I supposed to deal with other people's issues? Imagine going through life with absolutely no friends, no-one to turn to, no family even. If I got arrested by some stupid-shyt cop over something *questionable* you think I have anyone to turn to to help me? I would lose everything I have worked for all my life. Do you now get why I am very mistrusting and have to always *stay under the radar* lest some catastrophe occur? I am better off either being completely away from people or dead... What you put out there is what you get back. Negative energy, negative thoughts only attract the same back. Look, noone's life is easy SF. Everybody has their crap, good and bad. I deal every day with my anxiety disorder, but I learned to rise above it. Reach out and help others makes me forget about my s***. To know I've helped someone, or made a difference for 30 seconds in their life, put a smile there, is HUGE. Until you can feel empathy and sympathy for others, your life will continue as it is now. I am sorry that you've had it rough. I'm sure it hasn't been easy, but please, for your own sanity and mental health, you have to lighten up and soften your heart. Noone is out to get you here, yet any thing anybody says gets a sarcastic remark thrown their way by you. Even now, I'm sure you're pissed at me for even attempting to reach out and try to understand you...If you feel the need to be mean to me, belittle me and have a comment or two that makes you feel better, then go for it. Just makes me feel sad that you can't see the good in people, online or offline in your life.
SmoochieFace Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 Even now, I'm sure you're pissed at me for even attempting to reach out and try to understand you...If you feel the need to be mean to me, belittle me and have a comment or two that makes you feel better, then go for it. THIS is it! THIS is what has me baffled! Why are assuming that I will be (or am) angry with you? What have I said in this thread that would even warrant such an assumption? This is the first time you have spoken to me in this thread, right? You haven't said or done anything in your post that would make me feel that way. Kinda ironic though... people tell me not to *assume* and yet you are doing exactly just that. BTW, I am not angry or upset with you. I don't have any reason to be that way with you... just wanting to understand why YOU think I would be.
Outcast Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 Loony and WWIU YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND. So quit beating up on Smooch. Essentially (Smooch, forgive the intrusion but I get both sides here), you are telling a legless man 'just walk, damnit'. HE CANNOT!!!! The problem is that the very things you're telling him to do are THE THINGS HE CANNOT DO. Which is why he needs a hand and not your constant meanness. Neither of you have made helpful remarks because you don't understand thing one about what it's like to be him. Nor will you even try. Imagine people telling jokes and you not knowing why they're funny when everybody else is laughing. Imagine saying something you think is quite reasonable and normal and finding everybody getting mad at you. He's a Martian here and all you people keep telling him is 'quit being a Martian and be an earther'. THAT DOESN'T HELP!!!!!!! And beating him up because he doesn't understand all these subtle nuances doesn't help either. :mad: :mad: Smooch, I forgot about Temple Grandin - I haven't read her book but have seen her on TV and think she is amazing. There's also a book by Michele Novotni called 'What Does Everybody Else Know That I Don't'. I haven't been able to get my hands on a copy (been too cheap to buy it full price) but both these people are skilled at explaining the social cues and differences between non Aspie/Autistic folks and other folks in a way that you'll understand - especially Temple because she's telling the story 'from inside' in a way that none of us earthers can.
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 OK. At times in other threads with other people, you seem to at times take shots at them, not alway deserved. ... Example...Alphamale. Hinting and saying various little digs about him, which isn't true. Whether or not you are joking, I guess honestly when I posted this I wasn't sure how you'd react. I am putting myself out there, abit of heart on my sleeve...I know I'm assuming, but I go on what I've seen at times on the boards with you and some responses. I thought maybe me saying something nice to you and maybe opening up abit COULD infact rub you the wrong way because you got those walls UP and at times you do come off cold...Maybe that isnt' your intention Smooch, but that is just how I feel. I won't assume anymore. Thanks for replying...
whichwayisup Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 Outcast, relax. I am NOT BEING MEAN. Boy, you talk about ME having a crush on Alphamale and jumping in defending him at times, but man, if ANYBODY breathes the wrong way towards SF, you're on them like flies on crap. I am NOT being mean, I was being honest. you don't understand MY intention and right now I've PM'd with SF to sort this out. ALL WILL BE OK. Misunderstandings easily happen on LS. Words jump out and read the wrong way at times...Which is WHY I am trying to sort this out. I am not picking on him so please back off and stop telling me what YOU think I'm doing, because I am not. Thanks.
SmoochieFace Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 Smooch, I forgot about Temple Grandin - I haven't read her book but have seen her on TV and think she is amazing. There's also a book by Michele Novotni called 'What Does Everybody Else Know That I Don't'. I haven't been able to get my hands on a copy (been too cheap to buy it full price) but both these people are skilled at explaining the social cues and differences between non Aspie/Autistic folks and other folks in a way that you'll understand - especially Temple because she's telling the story 'from inside' in a way that none of us earthers can. Thank you for pointing those out to me. I will check my local bookshops for those. I've got plenty of time for reading anyway. Don't want to forget about JayKay - she pointed out the Temple Grandin book as well... thanks. And, btw, thanks for the *hand*.
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