Walk Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 Didn't you say you only went out with your (not nearly) SO twice? And didn't you say he works during the weekends, and he'd told you that before? And didn't you admit you were jumping to conclusions about being the second choice girl, after you found out that he works every weekend? Or am i wrong on these points? Because you seem very upset that he's asked you out on a non-weekend night, but you seem to have forgotten he works. And that you've only gone out on two dates. And both those were over a month and a half ago. And you were the one who turned him down all the other times he asked.
Author Fun2BMe Posted January 9, 2006 Author Posted January 9, 2006 I don't think I could handle counseling as far as sitting across someone to tell me how messed up they think I am. I went a while back, wasn't able to see the same therapist more than twice, finally gave in to take Zoloft for a while which helped my depression caused by people frustrating me, but I felt not like myself and decided to get off of it. I think I have to work on myself on my own and with the help of regular people not therapists who think they have me all figured out. They are wrong. Anyways the "SO" contacted me twice today. As I mentioned earlier, I hate when he does that on Sundays. Even though I have been missing him and was head over heals into him, when he asked to see me tonight, I had to be strong and said no. I have to work early in the morning and am tired of not being asked on Fri or Sat so screw that, seeing him on his terms and schedule. He didn't even offer to ask when a better day would be. Is he scared I might say Friday like a regular working person would? I've been on LS all weekend while he's probably been wining and dining some other woman. At least it's easier to get over someone when they piss you off. He didn't even make a big deal about being away from me for so long. Sadly it looks like it's time to move on from him. I was looking forward to calling the postal man today but I'm really not up to getting to know a new person at this point. Maybe I'll feel more up to it during the week when my mind gets distracted bywork and I'm not sulking like now. I feel like everything in my love life is messed up as is oftentimes the case and it makes me feel miserable. Maybe it is my fault like some of you think but I can point the finger at the other person all the time. Thanks for all the responses I got. It has been helpful and I hope I feel better.
Walk Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 I saw your post on this thread about looks and issues. You've convinced me, you must be incredibly hot, because no one who is only average would dare to have such an attitude. No doubt. Beautiful women get away with murder. This would never fly with any guy I was interested in. Two calls with no response, and all my dates find other dates after that.
Author Fun2BMe Posted January 9, 2006 Author Posted January 9, 2006 Didn't you say you only went out with your (not nearly) SO twice? And didn't you say he works during the weekends, and he'd told you that before? And didn't you admit you were jumping to conclusions about being the second choice girl, after you found out that he works every weekend? Or am i wrong on these points? Because you seem very upset that he's asked you out on a non-weekend night, but you seem to have forgotten he works. And that you've only gone out on two dates. And both those were over a month and a half ago. And you were the one who turned him down all the other times he asked I saw him 5 times in all. I can't remember how the couple times came up but it was a misread by another poster I had pointed out. Even tonight he said he's working from home and has been working/on-call over the weekend, I don't buy it. If you met him, he is very good looking, has lots of friends and has everything going. I can't imagine he is spending his weekends working. I think that's an excuse, I imagine him to be with another woman and playing me. If I am wrong, it is my big loss since he is THE catch, but I just can't buy it. I am tired of having been with men who have lied and cheated on me and he LOOKS like the type who would. Maybe I'm scared and am protecting myself from potential hurt? I can't help it though, so maybe I'll blame myself instead of him...but in all honesty I do blame him and really think he is lying to me and am pissed off. Maybe I should be a lesbian. Women treat others with more respect and I am sick of men at the moment but crave to be in a loving relationship with someone who I can trust and who will appreciate me. I KNOW THESE ARE GENERAL STATEMENTS (so please no need to say all men aren't xyz...all women aren't xyz, I know), I'm very upset right now.
Walk Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 On the other side... You could be pissed off sitting at home all weekend, cause your SO's an azz. Still be posting all day on here. Still be frustrated and upset. So enjoy singlehood. Take advantage of all your free time to yourself and improve yourself. Do something positive for you. Not all the guys that call. Just for you. Work on you.
Author Fun2BMe Posted January 9, 2006 Author Posted January 9, 2006 So enjoy singlehood. Take advantage of all your free time to yourself and improve yourself. Do something positive for you. Not all the guys that call. Just for you. Work on you. Thanks for reading all of my issues and for your patient responses. I definitely will be trying to work on myself. I just wish I had done that a long time ago, maybe I wouldn't be disappointed as often.
Outcast Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 I don't think I could handle counseling as far as sitting across someone to tell me how messed up they think I am. not therapists who think they have me all figured out. They are wrong And there we have it. EXACTLY what the information on narcissistic personality disorder said. Let me quote: Most people with narcissistic personality disorder are not amenable to the therapist-client relationship or to therapists' questions or comments. They're likely to engage with the therapist in their normal manner of portraying a grandiose image and seeking affirmation. When the therapist questions the reality of that self-image or problems with particular behaviors, the individual may react defensively, devalue the skill of the therapist or discontinue treatment. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/narcissistic-personality-disorder/DS00652/DSECTION=6 my depression caused by people frustrating me And again: They may have sought treatment to address a related problem, such as depression or a job crisis, but are unwilling to address the underlying disorder identified by the therapist Blaming others 'frustrating you' for your problems. while he's probably been wining and dining some other woman. There you go again - inventing fantasies to justify your attitude towards him. Maybe it is my fault like some of you think but I can point the finger at the other person all the time. . Yep. Classic, classic, textbook. Even tonight he said he's working from home and has been working/on-call over the weekend, I don't buy it. . I can't imagine he is spending his weekends working. I think that's an excuse, I imagine him to be with another woman and playing me. I wish I could convey to you how much trouble you're in because this line of thinking verges on paranoia, which is even more troublesome than just a disorder. but in all honesty I do blame him and really think he is lying to me and am pissed off. You have no reason to mistrust him. This is really very irrational.
JayKay Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 OP Again, I'm frankly quite confused by your anger and upset. So you say he's NOT an SO but you were working on the relationship...so that maybe he could become an SO. Then again, you refer to the 'sudden' death of his brother and how it bothered you that "... that that took over everything, and the brief emails were about how things about that were going instead of realizing I was missing him, needed discussion about us, but I DO feel for him, I just have my needs to and it's not responsible to put me on "hold" like I don't have feelings while he takes care of his needs, whatever the issue may be. That's not balanced out....." I mean.....what? WHAT? His brother DIED. It doesn't matter whether they were close or not. His brother, his flesh-and-blood, his family member DIED. Of course it takes over everything. Things get put 'on hold' when there are deaths in the family. Including work, relationships and other important issues. I'll tell you what, if I started dating someone and they pulled this crap while I was attending to my family's emotional status, I'd tell them to go stick their head where the sun don't shine.
Woggle Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 How selfish can you be? His brother died. That's his brother who just passed away and you are giving him this unneeded drama in his life. If I were him I would tell you to take a hike and not look back. Anybody that can be so cold hearted is not worth having around. Show some compassion. Oh yeah that is snobbish what you said about the blue collar man. I have a masters and make great money but I prefer not to hang out with white collar snobs.
SmoochieFace Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 Wow. This thread is a fine example of why I refuse to give *good-looking* women the time of day. Selfish, narcissistic, full of themselves, centre of the universe... you name it - it's all right here. I hope the mailman comes to his senses...
Deirdre Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 Maybe I should be a lesbian. Women treat others with more respect and I am sick of men at the moment but crave to be in a loving relationship with someone who I can trust and who will appreciate me. I KNOW THESE ARE GENERAL STATEMENTS (so please no need to say all men aren't xyz...all women aren't xyz, I know), I'm very upset right now. not really...if im snubbed i wouldnt even bother calling back again. and i hated girls with high emotional-maintenance.
Deirdre Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 I can't imagine he is spending his weekends working. I think that's an excuse, I imagine him to be with another woman and playing me. im often spending my weekends working..why should that be surprising? and even so i can still insert my leisure time to my schedule. that is possible. besides hes not really your S.O like you say...surely he has the right to date other people. get real darling.....his not quite yours yet.
whichwayisup Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 I don't think I could handle counseling as far as sitting across someone to tell me how messed up they think I am. I went a while back, wasn't able to see the same therapist more than twice, finally gave in to take Zoloft for a while which helped my depression caused by people frustrating me, but I felt not like myself and decided to get off of it. I think I have to work on myself on my own and with the help of regular people not therapists who think they have me all figured out. They are wrong. But with that being said, then you say: I definitely will be trying to work on myself. I just wish I had done that a long time ago, maybe I wouldn't be disappointed as often. Don't be scared of therapy. OFCOURSE you will hear things you don't want to hear...It's the only way to fix yourself. Don't look at it as such a negative thing. Therapy will help you understand yourself! You will learn how handle life better without all the drama and high emotions. It is alot of work, but well worth it because what comes out at the end is a refreshed, confident person! Now reading that you really only dated him 5 times in a semi short period of time, you seem to have put ALOT of expectations on him, allowed your emotions to take over and wanted to be the centre of his universe. You are allowed to feel the way you feel, but you were not his girlfriend in a sense of being his number one. And even if you were number one, it wouldn't be normal or healthy to react and be needy, upset during one of the worst times in his life... Please consider therapy. It will help you grow into the person you were meant to be.
littlekitty Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 Unless you are his SO and in a full-time relationship, then you can not expect him to consider you when his brother just died. WOW... that is just selfish. I have been put in very similar situations. When something happens, such as the death of a loved one, relationships that are still in the 'growing' stage can easily fall to the wayside while we rely and turn to those we know and trust. You only met him 5 times?! You can not expect him to have put his greif to one side to reassure you. You're big enough and ugly enough to cope until he sorts though his greif. If you stop behaving like a child for 5 minutes and support him, maybe he'll still be interested you once he's done that. As for the blue collar worker, it would never work.
SmoochieFace Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 As for the blue collar worker, it would never work. Not with her attitude.
csfong007 Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 Please get off your high horse and start getting to know this mailperson. I have dated different men with different occupations...everything from a professor to a firefighter to an architect and so forth and all that matters is who they are inside. I am currently dating someone who cuts trees for a living and he is the kindest, generous, giving, loving, person. Comparing him to all the other men I've dated (maybe 20) he runs circles around the others in terms of his giving. He even gives my mom flowers and fixes things for her. Degrees don't matter, occupations don't matter, what matters is how big their heart is. I'm grateful to have found a man with a huge and forgiving heart. Start dating your man and you'll see the difference. 1
SmoochieFace Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 Please get off your high horse and start getting to know this mailperson. I have dated different men with different occupations...everything from a professor to a firefighter to an architect and so forth and all that matters is who they are inside. I am currently dating someone who cuts trees for a living and he is the kindest, generous, giving, loving, person. Comparing him to all the other men I've dated (maybe 20) he runs circles around the others in terms of his giving. He even gives my mom flowers and fixes things for her. Degrees don't matter, occupations don't matter, what matters is how big their heart is. I'm grateful to have found a man with a huge and forgiving heart. Start dating your man and you'll see the difference. Now THIS is a breath of fresh air indeed! This goes to show that there ARE good women out there...
Outcast Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 This thread is a fine example of why I refuse to give *good-looking* women the time of day. Selfish, narcissistic, full of themselves, centre of the universe... you name it - it's all right here. To think that this sort of thinking is common to *good-looking* women is fallacious. This person, IMHO, has some fairly difficult issues going on that need professional therapy.
SmoochieFace Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 To think that this sort of thinking is common to is fallacious. This person, IMHO, has some fairly difficult issues going on that need professional therapy. Quite possibly however I see this often enough to steer clear of the so-called *hotties*. I have no need for the drama and self-centeredness.
loony Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 I also do not see any reason for this hostility against good-looking women.
SmoochieFace Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 I also do not see any reason for this hostility against good-looking women. Well, gee whiz loony, you know I'm getting a wee bit tired of the sort of behaviour exemplified by the OP. Selfish, narcissistic, always needing to be numero uno. I was even involved with a woman like that... unfortunately, I didn't have the backbone at the time to do the respectful thing for myself and drop her like a rock. I was miserable cuz of my own insecurities and stayed. These days, I know better. As far as hostility... I've been on the receiving end of lots of hostility and avoidance from women... so somehow, it's *okay* for me to be subjected to it but unspeakably horrendous to for me to give it back to someone, right? Damn double standards...
whichwayisup Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 Please get off your high horse and start getting to know this mailperson. I have dated different men with different occupations...everything from a professor to a firefighter to an architect and so forth and all that matters is who they are inside. I am currently dating someone who cuts trees for a living and he is the kindest, generous, giving, loving, person. Comparing him to all the other men I've dated (maybe 20) he runs circles around the others in terms of his giving. He even gives my mom flowers and fixes things for her. Degrees don't matter, occupations don't matter, what matters is how big their heart is. I'm grateful to have found a man with a huge and forgiving heart. Start dating your man and you'll see the difference. Great post reply. Sadly though, I think that OP isn't capable of being with someone who may not have a highend popular job. Don't think she could accept that man, even though he probably is the most wonderful person. She's caught up worrying about what others will think in society of this possible relationship. Kinda like beauty and beast syndrome. She has NO idea what she could be missing by having an attitude.
SmoochieFace Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 Great post reply. Sadly though, I think that OP isn't capable of being with someone who may not have a highend popular job. Don't think she could accept that a man can be the most wonderful person without worrying about what others will think in society. Yeah, well, I think the mailman is better off without her...
whichwayisup Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 Yeah, well, I think the mailman is better off without her... Yup. Me too. It's too bad because he could be a wonderful experience for her, but I don't believe she's ready for a real serious, healthy relationship until she can be happy with herself. Noone will ever measure up or do enough to fullfill her needs.
loony Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 As far as hostility... I've been on the receiving end of lots of hostility and avoidance from women... so somehow, it's *okay* for me to be subjected to it but unspeakably horrendous to for me to give it back to someone, right? Damn double standards... Interesting that you define criticism on your "an eye for an eye" attitude as double standard.
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