Fun2BMe Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 I am a professional and have always dated professional men. Recently I have been torn up about a man who I met, who went away for the holidays bad enough but stayed there longer due to a family tragedy. He called and emailed about once sometimes twice a week, he returned last week and called three times (I never answered or called back) and emailed today, responding to an email I sent him WEDNESDAY. Sounds a lot but he hasn't apologized once for leaving me for that long and also each of his contacts have been very brief like I don't mean much to him and that has been hurtful, not to mention he doesn't seem to fit me into his weekend schedule. I think I didn't answer his calls because I'm tired of not being asked by him on weekends and don't want to provide another opportunity on my feelings to be let down. With the above said, you now know where I am relationship wise at the moment - trying to move things forward with the above mentioned person, but it doesn't seem to be going anywhere (hint, I'm sitting at home alone on a Friday night). Well, I was at the post office yesterday, had to take a number as it was very crowded. As I was waiting, a man in a mailman's uniform who was an employee there approached to ask if there was anything he could help me with possibly for me not to have to wait. I had a letter I had to send certified, he moved me ahead and helped me out. The ticker was on 22 and I had number 57 so I was grateful for his help and the time I saved. He was good looking with a tan and had nice legs in his uniform shorts (a result I would suspect of delivering mail rather than going to the gym:eek: ). After he helped me, we said bye but he followed me outside, I turned back and he said he decided to take a break. He then approached me and asked for my number! I admit I was being a little flirty but I didn't mean to lead him on and can naturally act that way. He is a blue-collar worker and I felt strange to be asked for my number by someone like him. I didn't want to say no for some reason and said ok, thinking it was risky behavior and maybe a little exciting. We spoke for a short while, he quickly told me that he hasn't dated in a while, and has been divorced for six years. I am not used to so much information unfolding so quickly but we seemed to be able to talk easily to each other. I gave him my number and he called around 5:30pm which I thought was too early in the day to call. I was still busy with work related things and didn't get around to call him back. I just remembered him a little while ago, it is not too late to call, but it is Friday evening and I don't want to look like a loser having no plans. Ok, the thing is, would I have problems dating a blue-collar person? Has anyone been in this type of a situation before? He is so nice and treating me with a lot of respect. Deep down I wish the other guy I am "seeing" was like him. Should I get to know him, or would I be setting myself up for trouble? I don't want to call him until I decide if it would be ok, with any advice I can get here. Any advice? I'm not into casual dating so if I go out with someone, it is with an intention to develop something more serious, that's why I'm so confused if it would be a wise choice. 1
Walk Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 Sounds a lot but he hasn't apologized once for leaving me for that long HIS BROTHER DIED!!!!!!!! I just remembered him a little while ago, it is not too late to call, but it is Friday evening and I don't want to look like a loser having no plans. You are... but swallow your pride and call. (I don't have a date either) Ok, the thing is, would I have problems dating a blue-collar person? Has anyone been in this type of a situation before? He is so nice and treating me with a lot of respect. Deep down I wish the other guy I am "seeing" was like him. Should I get to know him, or would I be setting myself up for trouble? The other guy called you three times and emailed you. You're the one not returning his calls.... Yet you say he's not respecting you?!? But the blue collar guy who called you once is? You never read those books, did you. You didn't even crack the spine. It was all a lot of hoopla about wanting to change, but the truth is, your not happy unless everyone is bowing down and kissing your feet. The word snob comes to mind here. Didn't you know!?! You can't date out of your social class. blue collar - white collar :rolleyes: Yes you'll have problems. You'll be embarrased introducing him to your friends and family. You'll never be happy with who he is and what his job is. You'll "push" him to "better" himself. But you'll make him resentful which will cause many, many arguments.
Author Fun2BMe Posted January 7, 2006 Author Posted January 7, 2006 Jeez...y'all seem to have too good of a memory around here. Ok, so his brother died. I'm still alive and need attention to keep me, an alive person, going. Unlike a dead person, I have needs that need to be met. I tried to understand why he had to be away THAT long, almost the whole month when he has to work and has other obligations, and can't help but wonder if he has a gf back home or something. The other guy called you three times and emailed you. You're the one not returning his calls.... Yet you say he's not respecting you?!? But the blue collar guy who called you once is? Well there's no fooling you. You seem to catch my problems. Yes, I'm not perfect. I think it stems back to a few years ago I called a guy I liked and he was rude and hung up. I haven't gotten over that and I now have a fear of the phone. Someone has to call me A LOT to convince me that they REALLY want to talk to me, then I will finally answer the phone or call back, but if they give up too early, it drives me nuts, I start to cry and go crazy because I'll have feelings for them and they're not reciprocating. He called 3 times, but them several days went by and I didn't hear from him, so I emailed Wed. and he writes back barely 2 sentences TWO DAYS later when he has email on his phone, at his computer at home and work - everywhere! and it only takes a few seconds so what's up with that? I'm scared what if i call and it will take him a long time to call back or not want to talk to me, so now that you mention it, I will admit I was hoping for the mailman to call again tonight and have been upset he's given up after one call! What if I hadn't received it or something. You never read those books, did you. You didn't even crack the spine. The truth is I was waiting eagerly for the books and once they started coming in, I devoured them for the first couple of days and thought I was going to change, but then I started to feel they were wrong and were making me look like I was wrong too much and I had to give them a break time. The most influential one was the "How to stubbornly refuse to make yourself miserable about anything" by Albert Ellis. I worshiped it at first, but now I can't bring myself to read it any more and try to hide it from sight. I don't know if it's a phase or why I think it is all wrong all of a sudden, I want to be in the state of mind I was when I first got it and was ready to follow the instructions, but the more I read it, it is hard to ligitimize how I think. Anyways, not sure if that makes sense, but I do want to change for the better so I won't be miserable so often. It's just harder than I though. You'll "push" him to "better" himself Isn't that good though, to make him better than what he has settled for? I think he'll benefit more from being with me than I will be with him. I can open his eyes to getting promotions in different positions and so forth. Right? That will be a challenge I am ready to do for him I think, the more I am thinking about it. Maybe it was in the "stars" for him to meet me? and although I don't see it now, for me to meet him? They say everything happens for a reason and how much more miserable can I get?
loony Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 Jeez...y'all seem to have too good of a memory around here. Ok, so his brother died. I'm still alive and need attention to keep me, an alive person, going. Unlike a dead person, I have needs that need to be met. I tried to understand why he had to be away THAT long, almost the whole month when he has to work and has other obligations, and can't help but wonder if he has a gf back home or something. I'm sorry, but your whole attitude is quite egocentric. His brother died! Why are you not able to look beyond your own petty selfish needs and just give him a call to comfort him? You're sitting here and complaining about your needs without bothering to wonder how he feels? Could it be possible that he just doesn't give a damn about your insecurities that get blown up in your head? Who the hell wants to run after his girlfriend and give her several phone calls till she feels comfortable enough to pick up the call? You do this kind of things when you are ok, but even then I can imagine that it stresses people's patience, but when a family member has died, I'm sure nobody would be willing to give this kind of support to anybody. Well there's no fooling you. You seem to catch my problems. Yes, I'm not perfect. I think it stems back to a few years ago I called a guy I liked and he was rude and hung up. GET OVER IT! He called 3 times, but them several days went by and I didn't hear from him, so I emailed Wed. and he writes back barely 2 sentences TWO DAYS later when he has email on his phone, at his computer at home and work - everywhere! and it only takes a few seconds so what's up with that? I'm scared what if i call and it will take him a long time to call back or not want to talk to me, so now that you mention it, I will admit I was hoping for the mailman to call again tonight and have been upset he's given up after one call! What if I hadn't received it or something. If I were the postal worker, I would tell him to run as fast as he can. This is high-maintenance as far as it can go... It's just harder than I though. Keep on trying. Read them over and over again, because often the first time we read something completely new, we won't understand the content. We might get some clues, but they might not be enough, so keep on trying, re-read it. To your question with the mailman, I worked as a postal worker for a year before I entered university and I once had a date with a Canadian who worked there as a driver (I think I gave the poor guy the worst date in his life. :o ). He also studied astro physics. Here working for the post used to be pretty good-paid jobs for students, but I don't know how it is where you work. He could be smarter than you think. What would worry me though is someone who talks about his divorce at the first meeting. That's too much information.
Devildog Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 Ok, so his brother died. I'm still alive and need attention to keep me, an alive person, going. Unlike a dead person, I have needs that need to be met. That has to be one of the most disgustingly selfish things I have ever read. That just sounds so cold and insensitive I don't even know where to begin. You are an only child I am betting. Someone has to call me A LOT to convince me that they REALLY want to talk to me, then I will finally answer the phone or call back, but if they give up too early, it drives me nuts, I start to cry and go crazy because I'll have feelings for them and they're not reciprocating. How many unreturned phone calls do you think it takes for someone to get the feeling you are not interested in them? The truth is I was waiting eagerly for the books and once they started coming in, I devoured them for the first couple of days and thought I was going to change, but then I started to feel they were wrong and were making me look like I was wrong too much and I had to give them a break time. So are you saying you didn't like the fact that the books don't make you sound as wonderful as you believe yourself to be? Isn't that good though, to make him better than what he has settled for? What if he is happy with who he is? I think he'll benefit more from being with me than I will be with him. I can open his eyes to getting promotions in different positions and so forth. Right? That will be a challenge I am ready to do for him I think, the more I am thinking about it. Delusions of grandeur? Maybe he could open your eyes to some of the simpler pleasures of life. Maybe it was in the "stars" for him to meet me? and although I don't see it now, for me to meet him? They say everything happens for a reason and how much more miserable can I get? Here is a crazy thought: the reason might be for him to help you off that pedestal you have put yourself on. 1
Outcast Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 Unlike a dead person, I have needs that need to be met I cannot believe any living breathing human being who isn't a sociopath could possibly write such a horribly insensitive and selfish thing. Have you any concept of giving? Have you the slightest familiarity with empathy? I want to be in the state of mind I was when I first got it and was ready to follow the instructions, but the more I read it, it is hard to ligitimize how I think. That's the whole point!!!! The way you think should not be 'legitimized'. It seems you are more self-involved and selfish than anyone I've ever heard of. Which is not an 'attack' but a reponse to how you describe yourself.
Walk Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 First off... I wanted to say I was really surprised by your reply to my post. I had expected an outburst, and a lot of anger. But that was a level headed reply. I'm not sure I agree with your thinking on all things, but your ability to acknowledge inconsistancys in mentality is an unexpected surprise. so I emailed Wed. and he writes back barely 2 sentences TWO DAYS later when he has email on his phone, at his computer at home and work - everywhere! and it only takes a few seconds so what's up with that? In response to his short emails... my bf has email at work, on his phone, and at home. I've gotten about 3 emails from him in the past 2 years. He hates email. He'll call at the drop of the hat, but won't reply to an email. And if he does, it's very short and to the point. No gushing sentiments, no long winded explanations, just a few lines and his name. So your guy may have the same type of mentality.
quankanne Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 1. A mailman is considered a blue-collar worker? I thought blue-collar mean someone who uses his smarts to work exclusively with his hands, like an auto mechanic or aircraft tech. 2. Why should it be a problem getting to know someone who acts decently toward you, whether as an acquaintance or as serious dating material? 3. If you're still fixated on the guy who isn't calling you, why bother wasting the other guy's time? Yes, he shared a lot about himself and acted quickly, but that could mean that he's forthright and not into game-playing. Which sounds unlike you ... 4. Maybe it's time to just sit still and get to know yourself better in the hopes of improving your attitude, rather than look for fresh kill.
Outcast Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 A mailman is considered a blue-collar worker? Anyone who doesn't have a desk job is a blue-collar worker.
lindya Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 Jeez...y'all seem to have too good of a memory around here. Ok, so his brother died. I'm still alive and need attention to keep me, an alive person, going. Unlike a dead person, I have needs that need to be met. Lots of them, apparently. I think it stems back to a few years ago I called a guy I liked and he was rude and hung up. I haven't gotten over that and I now have a fear of the phone. Is this a joke? Someone has to call me A LOT to convince me that they REALLY want to talk to me, then I will finally answer the phone or call back, but if they give up too early, it drives me nuts, I start to cry and go crazy because I'll have feelings for them and they're not reciprocating. Are you saying that because you have a tendency towards histrionic behaviour, you feel other people should bend over backwards to satisfy your ego needs....without considering their own ego needs? He called 3 times, but them several days went by and I didn't hear from him, so I emailed Wed. and he writes back barely 2 sentences Two sentences more than you deserved. I think he'll benefit more from being with me than I will be with him. Are you quite sure of that?
Sevenmack Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 It's not about blue-collar versus white-collar, although if the former is broke and the latter is at least able to pay his bills, it may factor -- and not always so; some of the folks who I know are making six-figures are bus drivers, who are definitely blue-collar. It's about dating a man who respects you, who shares similar values and to whom you are attracted versus a one who doesn't respect you, who may not share your values and yet, to whom you are attracted. Should be a no-brainer here, but you've made it a guessing game because of who you are as a person. Walk calls you a snob. Frankly it's even worse than that; at least snobs have discernable, concrete, time-tested values from which they can discriminate. On the other hand, you haven't developed the maturity required of a grown woman in order to have a real relationship with anyone. You seem willing to tolerate hanging out with someone who will treat you poorly because of status instead of with someone who is decent and presentable (and may even share some of the same experiences of attending soirees and the like) and treats you well. That's a sign that you need to work on character development, and probably haven't ever developed good, real relationships with anyone. Perhaps it would be best for you to stay out of the dating game -- and thus possibly hurting a more mature person -- until you do so.
kitkat826 Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 A note about the blue-collar issue: My parents are both college educated, but both have held "blue collar" jobs for significant portions of my life. My father is a landscaper; yes, he currently co-owns his own business, but he spend most of his days in peoples' yards and tending to his own greenhouse, growing and selling flowers and seasonal stuff like pumpkins and christmas trees. He is very smart but just prefers to work with his hands. My mother cleaned houses for a living for five years while I was younger, yet also just finished her MBA. Although I am a "professional" who is also studying at the graduate level, I have dated men from all walks of life. The absolute best boyfriend in terms of true communication and respect and trust was a laborer before he enlisted in the army. Bottom line, you can't always stereotype people's hearts and minds according to the job they currently have. Yes, in general there can be many cultural differences between people with different educational backgrounds and class upbringings, but I wouldn't be so quick to blacklist someone you said was handsome and with whom you felt a type of connection with.
Blackard Posted January 8, 2006 Posted January 8, 2006 Ya know what I read in your post, sweetheart? Me, ME, me ME, me, Me, me, me.....oh, and me, me, me, me. ;p Now I'm not saying this in a hurtful way, so don't take it that way. I am saying it as a teacher would explain to a concept to a student. You are selfish, self centered, spoiled, and patronizing. You think only about yourself and what is good for you without, it seems, demonstrating one inkling of empathy for others. Its not your fault, you are just clueless that other people exist except for you. You are not going to fix that in one date with a mailman, so I am not worrying about whether the guy would meet your standards, I am hoping that you don't call the guy...for his sake. ;p ...and btw? I'm blue collar. I run one business and am starting another. I make well into the six figure range. I am also educated. I enjoy the theater, a good wine, a good book as much as I do a football game. The color of a man's collar is not necessarily an indication of his person, but merely a persona. 1
Author Fun2BMe Posted January 8, 2006 Author Posted January 8, 2006 I appreciate all of the responses I have received. I am overwhelmed to answer at the moment. There seems to be a common perception that I am self-centered. I am surprised to hear that, but I am getting that response from more than one of my threads, so it has really got me thinking. People in my real life have called me snobby or conceited, but I brushed it off saying and thinking that they really don't know me, but here too? This is too much to take in and I feel lost, all of my relationships are and have been going bad, I don't know why I always get blamed for it and have never thought I have done wrong so this is difficult to take in. I won't try to judge people by their collar, it sounds like a bad thing from the feedback I have received. The mailman did call me again this evening and left a nice long sweet message! He is following what I like, to keep calling and have patience and prove he really likes me so he's passing that test and I think I'm going to actually call him tomorrow (or later today, it's 5:45am)... Anyways, there is too much condensed in each of the responses for me to address for now, and outcast I saw the link you had before editing your post and it was scary to read the "checklist" if you know what I'm referring to... Thanks for all of your thouhgts. I want to change but it is hard, but slowly at least I am seeing that maybe I do need to change (before I change my mind later and start to justify everything I do and feel as happened recently...).
Outcast Posted January 8, 2006 Posted January 8, 2006 If you saw the link, Fun2, then you also saw the bit where people like that are very difficult to cure because they are so convinced they are all right and that they are wonderful and that the rest of the world is wrong about them. But if you're willing to be humble enough to accept that others in your life, including people here, have spotted an issue that you need help with - and agree to get that help and do the work that a therapist will give you, then you'll find that you'll be able to have happy relationships. Go back to Ellis. Yes, he challenged you - because you need to be challenged. Nobody's perfect - everybody needs to work on him/herself so don't be mad or ashamed that you need help - just get it so that you can have a happier life in future.
Deirdre Posted January 8, 2006 Posted January 8, 2006 well, although the postings above are very amusing I don't really care to diss you as a person or anything but since you're thinking you might like to ponder over this little tid-bit: a friend of mine has always longed for a perfect romance, and thought she found the right guy when he wooed her with words and gifts and will pick her up after work, take care of her every needs and basically no matter where he is, he will be at her beck and call. WONDERFUL isnt' it? little did she know she was just his prey. And when she was of no use to him he simply kicked her aside, and poor dear, so terribly in love, she was begging him not to leave...but he went away not only cheating her of her heart, but a big sum of money. just a word of caution...judging a person by merely his "romance-factor" is simply too superficious. of course an average guy might not be a con man, but unless all you seek for in life is just to have people soothing your ego, you might wish to analyse your situation abit more....maturely. and how long can this mailman last? many guys when wooing a girl might pretend to be alot more "considerate" and when they got the girl the real person in them showed. I appreciate all of the responses I have received. I am overwhelmed to answer at the moment. There seems to be a common perception that I am self-centered. I am surprised to hear that, but I am getting that response from more than one of my threads, so it has really got me thinking. People in my real life have called me snobby or conceited, but I brushed it off saying and thinking that they really don't know me, but here too? This is too much to take in and I feel lost, all of my relationships are and have been going bad, I don't know why I always get blamed for it and have never thought I have done wrong so this is difficult to take in. I won't try to judge people by their collar, it sounds like a bad thing from the feedback I have received. The mailman did call me again this evening and left a nice long sweet message! He is following what I like, to keep calling and have patience and prove he really likes me so he's passing that test and I think I'm going to actually call him tomorrow (or later today, it's 5:45am)... Anyways, there is too much condensed in each of the responses for me to address for now, and outcast I saw the link you had before editing your post and it was scary to read the "checklist" if you know what I'm referring to... Thanks for all of your thouhgts. I want to change but it is hard, but slowly at least I am seeing that maybe I do need to change (before I change my mind later and start to justify everything I do and feel as happened recently...).
alphamale Posted January 8, 2006 Posted January 8, 2006 Ok, the thing is, would I have problems dating a blue-collar person? Probably...you two most likely like in different worlds, education wise, career wise, who your friends are, economically.... most of the white collar and blue collar relationships i've seen don't work out in the end. but who says you cannot try?
loony Posted January 8, 2006 Posted January 8, 2006 He is following what I like, to keep calling and have patience and prove he really likes me so he's passing that test and I think I'm going to actually call him tomorrow (or later today, it's 5:45am)... Listen, if he the kind of guy who doesn't give up when there is no reaction coming back, you can bet he's a wacko. Think about it, he doesn't know you, but he keeps on contacting you, when you don't reply. This means, he is either really desperate (= likes your looks and projects all his hopes on you) or he has falling head over heels in love with you (= likes your looks and is horny). If you assume that a normal guy should contact you various times without getting anything back, because you are you and you deserve this, then you need to inspect your self-image and your relationship with the rest of the world. If you really believe this, it means you are not relating with anybody and that's why your relationships fail.
whichwayisup Posted January 8, 2006 Posted January 8, 2006 Jeez...y'all seem to have too good of a memory around here. Ok, so his brother died. I'm still alive and need attention to keep me, an alive person, going. Unlike a dead person, I have needs that need to be met. I tried to understand why he had to be away THAT long, almost the whole month when he has to work and has other obligations, and can't help but wonder if he has a gf back home or something. Obviously you've never experienced the pain due to loss of a sibling or parent, if you had I have to believe you would not have said the above. It made my stomach churn reading what you wrote! That "dead person" was his BROTHER. Someone he's know ALL his life. Anyway...Sorry to sound harsh, but maybe you need to see how you are coming off online here. You struck a cord in me big time right now about death. You need to show some sympathy and understanding. The world doesn't revolve around you and your needs 24/7. As for the other guys...I think your heart is with the first one, not new one you just met. It isn't fair to hook up with someone else so fast, especially since he was very honest with you upfront about being divorced and all. Can't jump out of one relationship and into another...Just too soon. If you're not serious about #1, then casually date them both, but make sure they both know about eachother. As for the white/blue collar aspect...It depends on your own comfort level and if you care what others will say and think.
JayKay Posted January 8, 2006 Posted January 8, 2006 I'm chiming in here with my two cents.... Frankly, OP...I'm confused by you. You seem terribly angry at your Sig. Other.....who obviously has his own needs that you seem not to acknowledge at all! I didn't hear you once mention his relationship with his brother, whether they were close or not, how devastated he was by his brother's death...NOTHING. Merely, that his brother died and you're all in a snit because he hasn't been attending to your needs. Certainly, it's hard to interpret the dynamics of your relationship based on a few paragraphs....but you can understand why other posters here might find you a tad self-centered? Good grief, if my brother died I would be a MESS. I think I'd expect someone to be comforting ME, not the other way around. I am also confused by the business with the mailman. Do you date outside of your present relationship? Are you planning to leave your SO? With regards to the blue collar/white collar thing.........that's up to you to decide. I've dated men from all walks of life and some of the most successful business people I knew couldn't hold a candle, in terms of class and character, to a couple of waiters and electricians I also knew. You choose what your values are in this lifetime. No one can tell you how to feel. If you judge based on job title, that's your perogative. But again, seems to be all about you and not about the other person whatsoever.
Author Fun2BMe Posted January 9, 2006 Author Posted January 9, 2006 Probably...you two most likely like in different worlds, education wise, career wise, who your friends are, economically.... most of the white collar and blue collar relationships i've seen don't work out in the end. but who says you cannot try? That's where I'm coming from - educationm, career, friends and that nature. Our conversations would be different, I would wonder if he was with me for my money. I like going to the opera which is pricey, I like to travel, I have independent articles printed in various BIG newspapers and so on. So maybe it takes STRENGTH to ignore love and look at other issues before allowing yourself to fall in love? Have to think about it some more, I don't like to break hearts (until recently I used to break a lot and now I am more empathetic towards others after having my heart broken). Loony, in response to someone being wacko for continuously calliing without getting a call back - the alternative is they call once, maybe twice and not again. To me that shows they don't care THAT much, that when they met me I must not have made that big of an impression so I'd rather weed out that type than the one who I know really has an interest in me. I want everyone in my life to be that way. Whichwayisup - I didn't mean to sound insensitive about his brother. I'm sure you can relate to when your heart is hurt you tend to tune out a lot of things and want your needs to get met. You seem terribly angry at your Sig. Other.....who obviously has his own needs that you seem not to acknowledge at all! I didn't hear you once mention his relationship with his brother, whether they were close or not, how devastated he was by his brother's death...NOTHING. I did not intend to really bring up the Sig. Other in this post but glad I gave the background of him so it makes you see where I'm at relationship wise. To clarify - he is not exactly a sig. other just yet. I am working on it getting to that level. I had met him in Oct-Nov and early Dec. he changed his plans to go home for the holidays to earlier because of the sudden death of his brother. I didn't go into here but it was brought in from a poster who on a different thread I had explained he did not have a close relationship with his brother to begin with, but that doesn't make it all that easier I know. It bothers me that that took over everything, and the brief emails were about how things about that were going instead of realizing I was missing him, needed discussion about us, but I DO feel for him, I just have my needs to and it's not responsible to put me on "hold" like I don't have feelings while he takes care of his needs, whatever the issue may be. That's not balanced out. I had mentioned I last heard from the "SO" Friday from a brief email it took him 2 days to respond to. I didn't w.b. or call, but this afternoon (Sunday) he sent me an email asking what I'm doing and that we haven't talked in a while. This has made me very upset all over again. This is what started my other thread, that he would contact me AFTER the weekend, to see me on Sunday nights like I was leftover from the weekend after he had his "real" dates, then I'd see him again during the week, but come Fri and Sat he has his own life. I thought maybe after he got back things would be different, but obviously they're not and I'm pissed off like crazy and feeling hurt all over again. I am beginning to feel less feelings for him as of this moment. I can only take so much. And maybe the mailman won't be a good idea, I don't think he knows what type of person he'll have to deal with. Anyways, I'll sign off because I'm getting upset badly all over again just thinking about how things are going in my "love" life.
loony Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 Loony, in response to someone being wacko for continuously calliing without getting a call back - the alternative is they call once, maybe twice and not again. To me that shows they don't care THAT much, that when they met me I must not have made that big of an impression so I'd rather weed out that type than the one who I know really has an interest in me. I want everyone in my life to be that way. I saw your post on this thread about looks and issues. You've convinced me, you must be incredibly hot, because no one who is only average would dare to have such an attitude.
kitkat826 Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 Fun2beme: How would YOU feel if you called someone two times with no response? I'm guessing that you would assume that you must not have made that big of an impression so you'd rather weed out that type than the one who you know really has an interest in you, because you'd want everyone in your life to be that way. 1
whichwayisup Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 Whichwayisup - I didn't mean to sound insensitive about his brother. I'm sure you can relate to when your heart is hurt you tend to tune out a lot of things and want your needs to get met. Thank you for saying that, because until it happens to you, you cannot judge or put restrictions/expectations on ANYBODY who lost a loved one. I understand that you had needs and your heart was hurt during that time, but under HIS circumstances, I think you could have not pulled the insecure act and waited. Maybe been abit more understanding. I'm betting if the situation was reversed he would have been patient, understanding and not throwing himself at you, upset that you aren't there for him. Maybe it's best to not date anybody right now. Concentrate on being happy and secure alone, without needing a man to complete you or make you feel good about you. That comes within.
bigbrowneyes Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 Fun2beme, I’ve been reading your post and it surprises me that you don’t see the one common denominator in your failed relationships-you. The only positive thing that comes from a failed relationship is the personal growth and development that is experienced after reflecting on what you could have done better to make the relationship stronger. Even though my x was unfaithful and deceitful, I recognize that some of my behaviors contaminated our relationship. I am grateful to face the truth no matter how difficult it is to accept. This will only make me a better partner the next time. I hope you can open your eyes to the truth here. You definitely have some issues that will keep you in a vicious cycle of hurt and disappointment. In my opinion, you could definitely benefit from some counseling. Best of luck to you.
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