How to respond?

[Harleyfrog9]

It’s that old one, the mid 30’s, bloke starts a close friendship with the local barmaid, eye catching 24 year old. At first it’s a stand off, she is too young in my eyes. Locals have sensed her interest too for some time and then a chemistry. She hangs on to me, and we share more evenings together. 

more time spent, as are all the texts that are fired over, she is a free spirit, is there trust probably not. I’m career minded, where is she was focused on working two jobs, then party. Weeks progress the women of the area advise she is selfish etc, from things they won’t tell me. I ignore them fight the corner, provide positivity…. 

weeks go by it’s going good, I’m away on business for a week - and see her it’s awkward not on my part.

I ask to come away for a day. Get the “I’m too busy at moment I’m sorry if you feel i don’t have time for you, , and I don’t want to stand in your way of meeting someone that does have time, followed by But I’d still like to be friends and go for drinks when I see you out etc.. if that’s okay? I do enjoy your company when I have a few hours to enjoy it!

There were no obvious feelings there in a few months and we saw each other mostly on nights out, however I feel completely blindsided by all the energy that’s gone into it and I get that. im trying to dissect it all, do I like her yes she is good company, I would have spent so much time and ignored the age gap if I didn’t. 
 

I have not replied but what you reply? Never done this advice but I’m asking for a bit of a how do I leave it ? 

 

[Sony12]

Generally those women have several men they are interested in. I wouldn't invest too much time into it. 

[ShyViolet]

She very clearly told you that she's not interested in a relationship, but she wouldn't mind hanging out with you once in a while.  If that is something you are ok with, then proceed.  You might find yourself putting in a lot of effort and not getting much in return from her.  If it bothers you that she isn't interested in seeing you regularly and having an actual relationship, then you would need to distance yourself and leave her alone.

[Leihla_B]

I would just reply, "Okay." and move on.

[Harleyfrog9]

Thanks for the reply’s. maybe I’m naive, she was asking me to come see her two night ago. 
 

Just going to be awkward in our village I guess . 
 

I need to write something back, suppose she has been honest! Ah well …. 
 

maybe the answer was at the start of

it all

: in my head! 
 

 

[glows]

You’re dissecting? Like what? Overanalyzing like now? It means you still have feelings for her so no staying friends is a bad idea. Don’t reply and just move on. If you run into her in the village just say oh sorry I was busy and didn’t have a chance to reply laterz. Don’t even sweat it. 

[basil67]

Is she the barmaid in your pub?   You're going to either have to change pubs or be pleasant to her. 

[ExpatInItaly]

8 hours ago, Harleyfrog9 said:

how do I leave it ? 

Meh, there's really nothing more to say to her. I would simply say that you've understood and not reply anymore. 

5 hours ago, Harleyfrog9 said:

she was asking me to come see her two night ago. 

She likes having you in her fan club, but she doesn't have further interest in you. That's all that means. 

 

[Leihla_B]

5 hours ago, Harleyfrog9 said:

maybe I’m naive, she was asking me to come see her two night ago. 

She's 24 and surrounded by men. No blame for trying.

Just say, "Okay." and be civil when your paths cross.

Time heals.

[glows]

5 hours ago, Harleyfrog9 said:

Thanks for the reply’s. maybe I’m naive, she was asking me to come see her two night ago. 
 

Just going to be awkward in our village I guess . 
 

I need to write something back, suppose she has been honest! Ah well …. 
 

maybe the answer was at the start of

it all

: in my head! 
 

 

Maybe you can clarify here what her last text to you was, OP. 

She asked you to come over 2 nights ago or she’s still waiting for your response? If this was her last text and you didn’t respond to her asking to come over 2 nights ago as in the invite was to go over then there’s nothing to say. You’re basically having an imaginary conversation in your head 2 days late that sailed days ago. Doesn’t make sense to respond if that’s the case. Just leave the whole thing and move on with your life, be civil when you pass one another but I’m sure she’s smart enough to take the hint.

[Harleyfrog9]

55 minutes ago, glows said:

Maybe you can clarify here what her last text to you was, OP. 

She asked you to come over 2 nights ago or she’s still waiting for your response? If this was her last text and you didn’t respond to her asking to come over 2 nights ago as in the invite was to go over then there’s nothing to say. You’re basically having an imaginary conversation in your head 2 days late that sailed days ago. Doesn’t make sense to respond if that’s the case. Just leave the whole thing and move on with your life, be civil when you pass one another but I’m sure she’s smart enough to take the hint.

No we spoke over txt, since her request to see me. This all came from me asking to spend some time somewhere for an afternoon. 
 

your probably right tho, leave it and be civil. 
 

personally I’m disappointed vested a lot of time and energy on something that I wasn’t sure about in the start, then listened to her genuine interest, and almost convincing tone, and likely made myself look stupid now…. 
 

 

[Leihla_B]

7 hours ago, Harleyfrog9 said:

...and likely made myself look stupid now…. 

Nobody is 'stupid' for trying. As we age, we forget what a social life is like for those a decade or so younger. A 24 year young woman is often surrounded by orbiters, and her focus can change on a dime. That's not your fault, it's just not to your advantage.

[Els]

I think it's obvious that she just views this as a casual thing. In general, 24yos aren't looking for a serious LTR, and even when they are, a person 10+ years older than them is unlikely to be on the radar. If you want casual chatter with her, then proceed. If you don't, don't.

[glows]

10 hours ago, Harleyfrog9 said:

No we spoke over txt, since her request to see me. This all came from me asking to spend some time somewhere for an afternoon. 
 

your probably right tho, leave it and be civil. 
 

personally I’m disappointed vested a lot of time and energy on something that I wasn’t sure about in the start, then listened to her genuine interest, and almost convincing tone, and likely made myself look stupid now…. 
 

 

So now you know and have hindsight. I agree with the others that age bracket isn’t likely to be looking for anything serious.

Let go of feeling stupid. It means you’re still investing and you recognized what she’s offering isn’t what you want. Attaching any more emotion to this is you giving energy to something that isn’t adding to your life 

 

[Harleyfrog9]

I agree, I’ve been in a ltr previously had decided to just have 6 months to myself then this all happened. 
 

I won’t lie, the attention was nice, what I believed to be a genuine interest, there was some vulnerability shown by her and we literally talked or text a lot. She spoke about various future scenarios, I get what everyone says about 24 yr old options. 
 

I’ve replied now, and said that I get it, appreciate the honesty, and it’s been fun. That’s that. As for drinking with her, not so sure. Thanks for all comments 

[Harleyfrog9]

On 11/10/2024 at 8:34 AM, Leihla_B said:

She's 24 and surrounded by men. No blame for trying.

Just say, "Okay." and be civil when your paths cross.

Time heals.

Saw her tonight, talked around me refused to look at my face, eyes. Talked about some random stuff for one min. 
 

when someone can’t look at you there is an issue there. Despite the ‘friends’ offer!

[smackie9]

Some 24 year olds/young ladies just like the attention and fuel it by giving the attention out/be flirty...with no intention of romantic interest. In the old days they would have called her a (0ck tease.