Go with your gut/interesting comment

[glows]

Just immature, hurtful. It’s ok to let go and date someone else who is more considerate.

[smackie9]

nothing to call anyone out on....if it doesn't feel right then it's not. Don't like it, walk away. It's a red flag, move on. 

[flitzanu]

i think your instinct is fairly accurate, but way too early to start accusing someone of being shady.  a person is entitled to privacy, and especially if it is the first time you ever met someone and they don't want to start showing off pictures of themselves on their phone.

 

[ShyViolet]

This is a woman you went on ONE date with, and already you're accusing her of being shady for not wanting to show you her camera roll, and for mentioning she went on a date with someone else.  You sound like the one who is being a little over the top.  This is a person you went on ONE date with, she is not your girlfriend and she certainly doesn't owe it to you to show you her phone.  I think you were being a little nosy.

[Acacia98]

If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't have asked to see the pictures. I think that's asking too much. No one owes you their private pictures. I would have asked the generic question about how the vacation was and left it to her to choose what to share.

Having said that, if you've already decided you don't trust her, then continuing to see her would be a waste of time for you both. You can't build a relationship or even a friendship on a foundation of zero trust. So by all means, let her go and move on to the next person.

[Gaeta]

I don't see anything wrong in asking to see a couple of pictures especially if she had gone to an exotic place. She could have shown him a picture or 2 of a building or a mountain. If she acted all suspicious it's because she had nothing to show. I would be super happy to show a picture of let's say Paris if I had gone there. 

Edited November 6, 2024 by Gaeta

[Leihla_B]

11 hours ago, fred123 said:

...esp when she mentions later on she went on a date whilst on vacation. 

Mentioning other dates is someone who is deliberately playing with your head. The appropriate response would NOT be to call her out on it--that's just creating drama that's wasted on someone who isn't worth your time.

Just 'next' her and meet up with the next woman until you find someone who is right for you. 

[Acacia98]

13 hours ago, fred123 said:

Does a women know when she says that she makes the guy feel insecure and think certain things, esp when she mentions later on she went on a date whilst on vacation.  

(...)

Anyways I was turned off. Would it be wrong that I wanted to leave the date shortly after?

This, rather than the pictures, would be my focus. Multidating isn't easy. But it is even more difficult when the person you're dating keeps throwing it in your face.

Quote

 

I'm confused why women say certain things and whether to call them out on it.

 

Like are they saying it because they aren't into the guy? 

 

Individual women presumably say those things because that's part of who they are. So your role is to assess what they're saying, determine what it tells you about their personalities, and decide whether you, consequently, want to be with them.

If a woman says something that leads you to feel you can't trust her or be comfortable with her, it is perfectly okay for you to stop dating her. You don't need to call her out on it. Remember, you're not her parent, teacher, or psychologist. It's not your responsibility to help her become a better version of herself. Your role is simply to figure out if she is right for you. It is enough to decide you won't see her again. You don't need to explain why to her. And you don't need others to validate your choice.

Edited November 6, 2024 by Acacia98

[basil67]

13 hours ago, fred123 said:

I'm confused why women say certain things and whether to call them out on it.

Why would you bother calling someone out when you're not going to see them again?   Do you have a need to be "right"?

[glows]

She didn’t feel comfy showing you pics and thought she had to show her camera roll (lol I don’t know why I thought this was so funny, feels almost like a lost in translation moment) ..calling her out if you mean to her face will just get you a nasty comment I think. If you meant by calling her out on a forum anonymously as a rant have at it. 

just move on..

[lemonicetea]

It doesnt  seem too out of line for somebody you’ve literally just met to not show you photos. I personally wouldn’t ask somebody on a first date to show me photos of their vacation (or pets or whatever). I would allow them to bring it up. But if you feel that she’s being deceptive, go with your gut. If something feels wrong to you, leave. That’s what I have learned from this site. 

[fred123]

8 hours ago, lemonicetea said:

It doesnt  seem too out of line for somebody you’ve literally just met to not show you photos. I personally wouldn’t ask somebody on a first date to show me photos of their vacation (or pets or whatever). I would allow them to bring it up. But if you feel that she’s being deceptive, go with your gut. If something feels wrong to you, leave. That’s what I have learned from this site. 

Yh feels weird seeing as we have been talking for 2 weeks about lots of things

[Gebidozo]

I don’t see anything rude or offensive either in your request to see the photos, or in her refusal, for whatever reason. It is her right not to show any photos of hers to anyone she doesn’t want to show them to. There is no reason to label her “shady” or to “call her out” on that.

Your mindset about these issues strikes me as somewhat petty, judgmental, and vindictive. If you don’t like her, just stop dating her. Why do you feel the need to have the moral high ground?

 

Edited November 8, 2024 by Gebidozo

[Leihla_B]

5 hours ago, fred123 said:

Yh feels weird seeing as we have been talking for 2 weeks about lots of things

Talking to someone doesn't entitle us to anything from them. 

[fred123]

If you are getting to know a girl and talking to her and she tells u things about what she is like when she is into a guy and what she is like when she is not into a guy.

And then when u start seeing her she does some of the things and you realise she has put her foot in her mouth. Do u then walk away.

 

So for example please she says that when she doesn't like a guy she will sleep far away in the bed from him and won't cuddle.

And then you are in bed with her and she does that. Is she aware of what she's doing?

[basil67]

Fred, you are never going to get off square one if you continue with this over analysis.    If she doesn't like cuddling you in bed and this make you unhappy, just dump her.

[basil67]

1 hour ago, fred123 said:

So for example please she says that when she doesn't like a guy she will sleep far away in the bed from him and won't cuddle.

A better question is "why does she get into bed with a guy she doesn't like?"    

Edited November 11, 2024 by basil67

[Leihla_B]

1 hour ago, fred123 said:

If you are getting to know a girl and talking to her and she tells u things about what she is like when she is into a guy and what she is like when she is not into a guy.

And then when u start seeing her she does some of the things and you realise she has put her foot in her mouth. Do u then walk away.

No, I would have walked away when she started 'talking stupid' about how she treats men.

[Gebidozo]

3 hours ago, fred123 said:

So for example please she says that when she doesn't like a guy she will sleep far away in the bed from him and won't cuddle.

And then you are in bed with her and she does that. Is she aware of what she's doing?

Yes, she’s aware of what she’s doing. She is telling you very transparently that she doesn’t like you that much. She likes you enough to have sex with you, but not enough to develop a lasting affection and build a long-term relationship.

I assume this level of connection doesn’t satisfy you, otherwise you wouldn’t be upset. So you’re looking for a serious relationship. In that case, the obvious thing to do is to break up with her.

[fred123]

9 hours ago, Gebidozo said:

Yes, she’s aware of what she’s doing. She is telling you very transparently that she doesn’t like you that much. She likes you enough to have sex with you, but not enough to develop a lasting affection and build a long-term relationship.

I assume this level of connection doesn’t satisfy you, otherwise you wouldn’t be upset. So you’re looking for a serious relationship. In that case, the obvious thing to do is to break up with her.

So is it the same thing also when she tells me that when she likes a guy she will kiss him on the first date and pay for things and be flirty and loves physical affection.

But then when I go out with her on a date she doesn't do those things with me?  And if I then ask "hey I thought u like kissing and she says "not on the first date"   how would I react? Or is it clear in her actions/message?  How can u tell if she is being honest that she doesn't kiss on the first date. 

[fred123]

11 hours ago, basil67 said:

Fred, you are never going to get off square one if you continue with this over analysis.    If she doesn't like cuddling you in bed and this make you unhappy, just dump her.

Yes but what about respecting her boundaries? How can one tell what the truth is?! Is she into me or just not comfortable and like to take things slow? Or maybe she was too hot in bed? Like do u call them out on it ?

[Gaeta]

9 minutes ago, fred123 said:

Like do u call them out on it ?

She's not your girlfriend, just walk away. It's the what? 3rd or 4th threads about this woman? When she tells you who she is believe her. Everything she told you indicates she does not like you 'that way'. She will keep on using you. Walk away. 

Stop dating sh$tty women. 

[Gebidozo]

22 minutes ago, fred123 said:

So is it the same thing also when she tells me that when she likes a guy she will kiss him on the first date and pay for things and be flirty and loves physical affection.

But then when I go out with her on a date she doesn't do those things with me?  And if I then ask "hey I thought u like kissing and she says "not on the first date"   how would I react? Or is it clear in her actions/message?  How can u tell if she is being honest that she doesn't kiss on the first date. 

Yes, it’s the same thing. She doesn’t really like you that much.

What I don’t understand is why you care so much. She isn’t really into you. Break up with her and find someone who’d want a more serious relationship with you, because apparently that’s what you want.

Edited November 11, 2024 by Gebidozo

[fred123]

41 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

She's not your girlfriend, just walk away. It's the what? 3rd or 4th threads about this woman? When she tells you who she is believe her. Everything she told you indicates she does not like you 'that way'. She will keep on using you. Walk away. 

Stop dating sh$tty women. 

Yes but what if she tells u she is interested when u ask her? U can't argue with her. Women get mad and gaslight u

[Gaeta]

46 minutes ago, fred123 said:

Yes but what if she tells u she is interested when u ask her? U can't argue with her. Women get mad and gaslight u

Simple, how does she make you feel? I don't think she makes you feel good about yourself Fred. What's the point of dating a woman that makes you feel worse about yourself?

PS: For the 100th times. You do not ask a woman if she is interested. Her actions show you if she is interested. This woman's actions show you she is not interested.

Edited November 11, 2024 by Gaeta