Mary3 Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 Pada : I started a new post because there were 135 responses in your last post and I wanted to make sure you saw this one. I was married to an alcoholic for over 10 years and I am here to tell you that it is a LIFETIME problem. Whether they are in remission or substaining or presently using liquor . It is YOUR lifetime if you choose to stay involved... Secondly, I was just like you when I got involved with him and wanted to be the helper. The one that understood him. I ended up in the end ruining my life and staying by him as the abuse excellerated to the degree it did. I ended it 7 years ago and have since not repeated the pattern You cannot always * know and understand * someone and spend your entire life fixing broken birds that fell out of nests. Yes you can do it for years but there are too many damaged birds out there and instead of trying to scope them out and analyze them on Love Shack, why not take a brave step and find someone with LESS dysfunction ? I think to some degree you might not want the steady working 20 year plus Librarian over the raging Musician who flings his guitar at the wall. Meaning this is your drama and your life. You will play it out . But if its true that you are where you are in life and have been through ALL that you have been through isnt it time for some peace now ? Some self worth ? Some closure on the past ? Finding someone who accepts you as you are ? No more broken birds Pada. Please make this the last one. I have not fixed a broken bird in 7 years and NO NO NO I dont want to fix any more alcoholics. No more. I will stay single rather than endure pulling out the First Aid Kit for every broken bird .... Its not about being caring and kind because you are. Its about living your life to the fullest without pulling out the First Aid Kit. I havent pulled that out in a long time. Its collecting dust. I look for someone with stable mind and soul. Not perfection but not destruction either. Do not wonder or ponder anymore about WHY someone turned out the way they did. It matters not. They are where they are. You did NOT put them there. What matters is the REST OF YOUR LIFE ~ Please spend the next 37 years finding someone who does not need an Enabler. A psychologist . A Nurse. Don't tan your skin. You are white. He knows you are white. He must accept your whiteness. I am very white too and men love that flawless pale look. I do too now, I used to tan but for what ?? His reaction to you at that one place ( forgot the name of it ) was scarey. He needs to address your questions. Right before you end this get your answers. If you stay I promise you this won't have a good outcome. 4
justagirliegirl Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 Great post! Yep wasted 20 years with mine! Yes 20 years! All my 20s and 30s and I will never get those years back. By the end I was a shell of my former self. I had no self left. He never thought I would leave. It's been over 2 years. Don't waste another moment of your life on a broken bird. He is wooing you and sucking you in until you get hooked and then his true colors will come out. He is already showing signs of how he really is. These people just use people up sucking the life out of them.
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