ladybugj6 Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 I have been dating my bf now for almost a yr. We had a solid start to the relationship, enough space to do you own thing, so he asked me to move in with him. It was 3 months ago that we moved in together, and the arguements have NO END!!! we have been at eachothers throats. I feel that he is pulling away from me emotionally and physically. He no longer holds me or even tries to snuggle, and if we have sex its due to my intiation of it. I have confronted him about this in a few of our arguements. He tells me that I am being selfish. I dont see how that is when I am constantly doing things he wants. I am unhappy and am getting very depressed about this. I love him but I cant stand to let him treat me this way. I need to find a way to get him to start paying attention to me without seeming needy. I do understand that I can be needy, but in my defense if he were to make some effort of attention or to bring some the romance back to the relationship I would be satisfied. I am at a crossroads here, i really dont want to break it off with him because he does make me happy when he tries but if he doesnt change soon I dont know what else to do. Any advice is appreciated
Walk Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 You said when you confront him about the issue of sex, he tells you you're being selfish? Is that correct? What else does he say? I don't think I'm getting a good picture of what he's telling you. When you talk to him about how you're feeling, what is his response... other then you're selfish? Doesn't he say more?
Roo-bie2 Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 I think maybe you are making him responcible for your happiness. Your making your happiness soley rely on his happiness. You will end up very misserable if you continue to do this. Did you two move in together to save money? Is he having more financial trouble than you know? Are you taking over his other social life and expecting him to be your only (and maybe only) social outlet? Did you move in and wanted to start doing things your way? Then you complain about how he does stuff? Did you take over and he feels overwelm and loosing himself instead of gaining someone he loves? Maybe he doesn't have the same sex drive as you. When you are not living together this wasn't a issue. Besides sex why are you arguing?
csfong007 Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 Personallly, I think the two of you moved in together a little too quickly. You mention that after moving in is when you started having problems. That's because when you live together 24/7 you both really see each other as you really are...good and bad. I don't think you two were ready to face all of the bad. One option if your BF agrees to it is for you to move out but the two of you continue to see each other. It may or may not work. But, perhaps you can go back a little, regain some of what you had, and try to move forward. I honestly believe that people don't really change unless they are really willing to do so and are getting therapy to overcome the difficulty. Otherwise, we must live with our loved ones as they are complete with all of their imperfections just as we have. You don't mention how old you are or if either of you have lived with anyone before. I am 49, have been married twice, and am currently in a relationship of 9 months. I know it would take a lot for me to make a committment of living together or marriage again. Sometimes I don't think people realize what a huge step living together/marriage really is. You could also take a break and let each one of you re-evaluate things. I still think that people tend to want to jump into living together/marriage way too soon. Even at almost 50, my now being with this person, I could easily have 20 years with him if everything worked out. That is a really long time and it makes me realize that there is no hurry. Good luck to you.
BlacknessOfSleep Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 Guys can be such pr!cks after you move in together (and even after you move out and continue to see each other - I'm in that one now). He's probably just a bit resentful because he feels pulled between you and his old life. They don't change well, especially if they're too immature. If he's very young (like mine), he doesn't like to give up his life because he thinks his life is over and he didn't get to experience everything and you, obviously, are to blame (in his eyes). The whole sex thing is incredibly frustrating...they get lazy after you move in and expect things to be served to them with no effort. Just hold out and tell him when he wants it to come get it. It works. Oh, and this is something I just discovered. Often, they are very averted to condoms. Go get on the shot or the pill if you're not and let him try a little naturally ;-) He won't leave you alone. Good luck!!!!!!!!!
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