SensitivePoster Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 Why do we assume that NC will work to bring back a lover. Maybe a lack of contact or intimacy was the problem in the relationship. Perhaps you are just perpetuating what your estranged lover thought in the first place. I don't think there is a magic formula to getting back a lost love. Each situation is different. Each personality is different. The dynamics are different. What works for one will not work for the other. I think it is best to play it by ear but be prepared for it not to work out. However, don't assume that it won't work out. What are your thoughts on this?
grace2005 Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 I agree with you. I do not go along with the common theme of strict no contact for all break ups. Some break ups may only require reduced contact. I don't believe NC will work if your ex broke up with you because you neglected to spend time with them. I don't think NC will work if your ex broke up with you because you deprived them sexual contact or any form of affection for that matter. I don't believe NC will work if your ex broke up with you because you refused to marry them on their timetable. Those are situations where NC is not the best course of action if you want to reconcile.
grace2005 Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 Why do we assume that NC will work to bring back a lover. Maybe a lack of contact or intimacy was the problem in the relationship. Perhaps you are just perpetuating what your estranged lover thought in the first place. I don't think there is a magic formula to getting back a lost love. Each situation is different. Each personality is different. The dynamics are different. What works for one will not work for the other. I think it is best to play it by ear but be prepared for it not to work out. However, don't assume that it won't work out. What are your thoughts on this? In the case where the ex breaks up because you neglected them like I described earlier this would be a classic case of what I call indirect dumping. In other words the dumpee became the dumper in an indirect sense by neglecting to spend time with his ex. The ex dumped him out of necessity. So in this case the dumper is the dumpee but indirectly.
CaliGuy Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 Why do we assume that NC will work to bring back a lover. NC is not meant as a tool to bring them back, it's a tool to help you heal and work on self-improvement. There are two people in every relationship and most of the time both are at fault for a relationship ending. The problem is that we always assume the other is at fault and we don't relect on what we could have done to be better people. Use NC to fix yourself. If they come back in the process, that's icing on the cake. There is no guarantee NC will bring them back. None at all. That's never what it was intended for. Maybe a lack of contact or intimacy was the problem in the relationship. Perhaps you are just perpetuating what your estranged lover thought in the first place. I don't think there is a magic formula to getting back a lost love. Each situation is different. Each personality is different. The dynamics are different. What works for one will not work for the other. I think it is best to play it by ear but be prepared for it not to work out. However, don't assume that it won't work out. What are your thoughts on this? Use NC to fix yourself, become a better person and realize that not all relationships work out. If you're using it as a tool to get them back, be prepared for utter and complete failure. Oh sure they might want to come back briefly to see if you've changed but if you're still the same person they left, the same results will happen.
gfto Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 yeah, NC is not designed to bring someone back. Its purpose is to move forward and meet new people. If you've been dumped, then you're just stroking the dumper's ego anytime you contact him/her.
J dub Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 yeah, NC is not designed to bring someone back. Its purpose is to move forward and meet new people. If you've been dumped, then you're just stroking the dumper's ego anytime you contact him/her. Yup
riobikini Posted January 8, 2006 Posted January 8, 2006 See the thread below: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t78793/ -Rio
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