Can't listen to music

[Ezydriver]

Hi Britneyjean,

Yes, these songs go round and round in my head, its terrible, but actually hearing them is worse, but I can definitely relate to the 'going round in your head' scenario.If somebody had told me (actually they did, but I thought I knew best) how hurt I'd be if it all went wrong (which it did) then I'd never have gone near her.

Take care,

Steve.

[In Sync]

Hi Britneyjean,

Yes, these songs go round and round in my head, its terrible, but actually hearing them is worse, but I can definitely relate to the 'going round in your head' scenario.If somebody had told me (actually they did, but I thought I knew best) how hurt I'd be if it all went wrong (which it did) then I'd never have gone near her.

Take care,

Steve.

 

I'm not trying to belittle anything or your feelings...But dude put things in perspective. Obviously you were attracted to her, and you can't predict or control your attractions..That's the law of nature. See in this experience a lesson that something about you NEEDED to learn. Otherwise it can happen again. We'd all like to just say it was the other's fault, they had issues they did this to us and that (Yes, it's true they hurt us) Only the bigger picture is what you can try to focus on...Why DID you ignore all the signs that others warned you about? Take some of the focus off her and memories and say..WHAT IS IT ABOUT ME THAT GRAVITATED TOWARDS THIS RELATIONSHIP? WHAT DID I GAIN OUT OF IT?

Ask yourself this over and over. Peel the skins of the onions. Soon music won't bother you, because by letting certain songs disturb you, means you're not claiming your freedom of this pain... you are hanging on still to the good ole memories that is keeping you locked in this suffering.

[Ezydriver]

I'm not trying to belittle anything or your feelings...But dude put things in perspective. Obviously you were attracted to her, and you can't predict or control your attractions..That's the law of nature. See in this experience a lesson that something about you NEEDED to learn. Otherwise it can happen again. We'd all like to just say it was the other's fault, they had issues they did this to us and that (Yes, it's true they hurt us) Only the bigger picture is what you can try to focus on...Why DID you ignore all the signs that others warned you about? Take some of the focus off her and memories and say..WHAT IS IT ABOUT ME THAT GRAVITATED TOWARDS THIS RELATIONSHIP? WHAT DID I GAIN OUT OF IT?

Ask yourself this over and over. Peel the skins of the onions. Soon music won't bother you, because by letting certain songs disturb you, means you're not claiming your freedom of this pain... you are hanging on still to the good ole memories that is keeping you locked in this suffering

I've had 7 weeks to think about it, of course I see it as an experience to learn from, and I will try my hardest not to let it happen again, I'd never been near a woman before with the issues and complexity she had so I was bound to get burned, I can see that now, however, I was just trying to make Britneyjane realise that she wasn't alone in her problem, and it was quite a relief to find someone else with the same thing going on. I am not 'letting' certain songs bother me, they DO bother me. Thats a bit like trying to say to an old soldier from world war 2 not to let the sound of gunfire bring him flashbacks and panic, its strongly ingrained and wired into the psyche.

Of course I want to let go and thats why I'm here, for advice.

Also, I know we all blame the ex, but in my case I was a true gentleman with a very stable head, even her own mother used to tell her that I was far too good for her and to hold on to me because men like me are in very small numbers, I've never been told otherwise, she did have serious baggage, emotional and mental issues, suffered with depression and had had episodes of psychosis in the past, major self esteem issues and had paranoia, I didn't stand a chance, I see that now, she had done no work on trying to improve her virtues, like a lot of us do, you know, self improvement.

The reason I DID ignore all the warnings from people was because of my own naivety, I thought I knew what I was getting myself into, I didn't, but believe me, I'm a tiny bit wiser now!!!

[Delicaterose00]

Hey Brit! Yes, I say Im getting bettter, I am almost completely healed. We broke up in May... Its been 8 months. I still think of him, but not as long as I used to, he still pops in my head every day all different times of the day, but Im at the point where I have read so many self helps books that Im not letting him ruin my life anymore. " I lived before we were together, I can live after" Like I said Im 24, and I have been with a guy every since I was 17, out of the 7 years since my first boyfreind, I have been in 3 relationships for a total of 6 1/2 years.... I never was able to find myself being with these guys... and now I see that its my time to see what Kristen likes, to persue these dreams I had and was never able to do because I was to worried about these guys adn what they wanted, not what I wanted. I just have grown soooo much, and if it were not for him leaving me, I woudl have not have grown like this..... No one will ever break me again, no one will ever stomp on me again, and get away with like I used to let it happen. I understand that he has no feelings for me, we had fun, it was nice, but we were on two different paths.... but I was trying to follow his, but I couldn't. The next time, if there is a next time, I wont worry that he will cheat, he is ganna do it wether I worry or not, but I will not give up my dignity again, no calling, no begging, nothing... Im just stronger now and you to will see that you will be too, since you were so young, I still feel you have yet feel true love, since you really only once, thats what I thought at your age, and then when I was really in love, thats what put me on this site,,,,,,,,,, this might not be the worst heart break for you yet, but learn from it and from us, that you can move on and there are so many guys out there yet. I had a support person, my cousin, she is my bestfreind. I spent most of my time with her, and shelet me cry and repeat myself over and over... but she gave what I needed to help move on.... she even yelled at me sometimes and that was ok, she had to knock sence into me... I remember the day I found out Mike was truly seeing someone.... he denied even after we broke up and I still him that he was lieing, but I held on to his words.. then when his girl decided to text a month later... it hurt bad.... I was throwing in the mornings.. annd one morning, my mom came in and said " KRISTEN, THIS IS ENOUGH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING! ARE YOU GOING TO LET HIM DO THIS TO YOU! YOU NEED TO MOVE ON!" as harsh as that sounded then, I needed that .... you need a kick in the ass sometimes. lmao.. you really do.... its not that people are trying to be mean, they are trying to help you see the light, and see your relationship was not perfect like you think it was. Do I miss him, of course, do I think of the fun we had.. of course..... but, he didnt chose me, and I have accepted that, and now am looking forward to the man of my dreams.... he is lost right now though, he cant seem to find me, but he will... LMAO.... But Brit I went through hell to get to where I am now. I was not sleeping at night, I woudl shake, my whole body.... ( sometimes when a relationship is over, your body goes through withdrawl just like a drug, I read that) I was sick all night.. when I did fall asleep, I would wake up, and immediately felt sick to my stomach, I smoked 3 packs of ciggs a day, could not eat, and would shake in the mornings too..... I lost tons of weight, but he was in my head alllllllllllll day, there was no getting him out. I coudlnt laugh or smile for weeks on end..... I would cry alllllllllllllllllll day..... tears in the eyes alllllllllll day lasted a month... My face was a poof ball, my eyes would burn... I was dehydrated.... I didnt want to do anything, I coudlnt even shop, cause I would break down.... I coudlnt stay home by myself cause I woudl scream my lungs out and cry andn cry cry...... I felt fat, and ugly, and not good enough.... at one point, I thoght I was going to have to check myself in somewhere cause I needed help. I didnt want to kill myself, but I told everyone I woudl rather die than feel this pain..... it was horrible, and now look at me..... Im 90% .......... I never got over a boyfreind without another one, and this time I did, I got over someone, without another, and that makes me feel great, because that means Im ok alone... I can live without a guy right now and thats ok..... Want to hear something funny too, at your age was my first love, Vince, and I felt juuuuuuuuuuuust like you...and guess what, at this time, I have been hanging out with him!! I have no feelings what so ever, but he fills in while I am boyless and I dont feel any pain, and gues what,.... he wants me back.. after 5+ years.. he wants me back.. but I said no and we are just friends... sometimes I think and laugh how at one point I would have given anything for him to want me back.,... and now I could care les.. lmao.... now, could I hang with Mike in the future.... prolly now, but if he happend to be where I was at or family event, Im sure I could talk and be just fine... but thats the last step of the later... lol......I still cant see him right now.... but liek I said.. I am 90%..... by the way... my name for this site, deli..... is the same for my yahoo account if youd like to email me personally.... k sweetie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Brittanyjean06]

WWOWWWWWWW reading that post- sersiouly put me in shock- I think i have experience the closest thing to love- but he would always make me cry?? how the heck is that love you know???--- reading this is kinda making me realize i will be okay- and that i might as well make the best of what i can right now- because it will get better- But i meen im like obsssessseed with this kid- i was since 14?!?!!? but obssession isn't love- but you said you felt the same way i did so im defiently taking your words for it, im in the process of going through it- You have been through it- and got through it- but im still in shock that its over- and i stayed home last night- had the worse dream- and reality hit me again- i kind of feel out of it? but reading this just helped- getting advice really helps- but than it hits me again??? its like i don't know what to feel.

 

 

8 months? thats soooo good- that is about the time i want to recover---but at the rate i am now- i dont think it will happen-

 

but everyones advice- is helping so much, because i deserve so much better--

 

i bet you would have never thought vince would be out of your head now huh??? i CAN NOT wait till that day- If you were experiencing all those withdrawl symtons- and feel so much better now- than im really going to hold done to that- THANK you:-p this really has affected me truly, but i meen it was all i new since i was 14, its only normal to feel this way? but with out this- i wouldent see if the grass is greenner on the other side- and maybe not now- but later it will be:)

[Brittanyjean06]

I know this isn't true love- i kinda always new that deep down inside- but oh gosh did it feel like it- im still dreamy over him ( lol ) hes not even worth it though-

 

but even though it wasn't true love- It was my first love- since i was 14 now im almost 18- i meen the pain i feel is so crucial- but its supposed to feel like that, I haven't seen beyond anything else- so i dont know whats out there for me-( but i am excited)--- when i tell my self" oh there will be others- i feel better- but than it hits me all over again like" no you are supposed to feel this pain", how long did it take for you to get over vince??? i dont think 8 months will cut it for me:-/

[sick of it]

brittany,

if it makes you feel better, its not just a girl thing. Im 23, had a gf for 5.5 years....half of high school and all through college. i was going to propose this summer. she completely ditched me after i moved home for her. its been 7 months since she broke up with me, led me on, and found a new guy shed been hanging out with while i was pining over her. im much better now but not nearly over her. i cant stomach the idea of being with someone else yet.

i know i had true love. on my part....though maybe thats contradictory to the definition. what i felt was real and unconditional. even now after the crap she put me through, i still love her. its accepting that it would have never worked...i guess.

dont feel bad about taking time. i did. i looked at her and thought i should be over it when she was. obviously we loved much more than they did. we gave more of ourselves than they did. not many people do that anymore. the pain will stop. it will. im waiting just like you and yes it gets better. but dont be afraid to say, im not ready for a new relationship yet.

sick

ps. i dig the new pictures

[Brittanyjean06]

thanks sick of it- i just hate to think that i gave up alot- for something that turned out like this- i meen its still shockful- but there is nothing i can do- its not under my control- im trying to just go along with the flow of life- i know the pay off will be worth it-

 

how can these people be so cruel?- but when you loose feelings- you arent as caring so maybe we will discover that for ourselves one day- I just absolutely HATEEEEEEE knowing for a fact that I AM actually going through this- grrrrrrrrrrrr and ouch lol

 

 

thanks!

[Delicaterose00]

Of course you cant think of getting better right now!!!!!!!!!!!! But each day you are, one day youll just think less and less of him... eventually hell be out and only pop in here adn there........Besides.. wether you were family freinds, boyfreind or what not.. knowing for someone that long, you just dont forget... no matter what..... it was a human being that was in your life for 3 years. How long did it take for me to get over Vincee... Well I went through a very bad month..... , after that I started eatting and stopped so much, and I heard 2 months after he left me that he went to jail for something and that was my turning point right there.. I was like... oh my god.. what a loser, I dont want a guy like that, especially going to jail for stealing... wow... and from that night I was better and relieved I was not with him anymore.... but it took only 3 to 4 months to completely get over him and then in January I met someone I dated for another 2 years,,, But, like I said.. my recent ex, was the hardest one... I mean, Im still not fully healed yet.. so ...... But Im also older and both of us planned our future together, where we were going to live, looked at rings, looked at apartments furniture. all that jazz, I even lived with him and his family for a month before he decided to tell me he was seeing someone for months.. lmao... oh well.. anyways.... Youll get there sweetie.. I wish I could take you out and have a heart to heart talk wtih you. lmao........... email me back!

[Delicaterose00]

Hey I just added my pic.. thats my bestest freind and cousin and support person on the left, and thats me on the right!.. yes that is shreck behind us. Can you believe I had to force looking happy in that pic... I was so sad at that party.... and I remember Mike called me there...... wanted to know where I was at and who the party was for and blah blah blah..... stupid a.s.s. god I WILL SO NOT EVER PLAY THE FOOL AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Brittanyjean06]

DID You ever email me??? if you do its [email protected] !

 

witch one is you?!?!? both are pretttttttttty , 4 months??? holy crap im at 5 months and still feels like the first week- it will hurt me deeply for a long long long time- awww you are so sweet to me i feel so blessed when people want to help me! but these feelings are normal i meen i was with him since i was 14?!?! its just feels like" no this is not happening" well you already know everything i am feeling i have been on the computers sooo much more ever since me and him broke up- i read how everyone else is feeling and i love how we all commisirate together- even when i am healed i will always be on this site giving advice- and i will love to tell people my story and when i get over it- i will be so strong and wise! when i get my pay cheak- im going to pick up that book im sure there will be humor in it- but its like the pain goes away when i read advice- but when im some where else- here a sad song- its hard to !!

[penkitten]

I actually can listen to both those songs!- they still hurt though- but when it comes to like alice in chains- deftones, the normally stuff that i love- makes me ache way too damn hard-

 

 

good show

 

 

just turn the lights down low, and grab a pillow and turn on nutshell one time.

allow yourself one huge cry fest the whole song thru, and when the song is over, in a nutshell put it away, dry your eyes and remember that all this will pass.

its ok to grieve a little , and after that , take those items away until it no longer hurts.

[Brittanyjean06]

You like nutshell to dont you???, i dont nkow if i can do that- that song is the most painfulless song to listen to even when not hurting-

 

 

you know???- i will try that one day- and when i can i will feel so happy i faced my fear

[chocolate_boy]

Your new picture is kinda scary Brittany Looking forward to tommorrow's change!

[brooke7777]

You know what really stings...realizing that you were more in love with them than they were in love with you. Sick of it...ypu touched ont his earlier. Everyone always told me how much he looked at me and treated me like I was his world. And I think that I fully reciprocated, but I always thought that he was the one who cared more, he was the one that was more in love with me. And now the tables have turned. I guess I was so blind that I didn't really realize it. And man it hurts. I guess all of us are in this position and it's not the best right now, but we must pull ourselves together and stay strong.

[chocolate_boy]

You know what really stings...realizing that you were more in love with them than they were in love with you. Sick of it...ypu touched ont his earlier. Everyone always told me how much he looked at me and treated me like I was his world. And I think that I fully reciprocated, but I always thought that he was the one who cared more, he was the one that was more in love with me. And now the tables have turned. I guess I was so blind that I didn't really realize it. And man it hurts. I guess all of us are in this position and it's not the best right now, but we must pull ourselves together and stay strong.

 

Yeah was same situation for me, my last girlfriend everyone was like "she's so into you", even I was worried that one day I'd break her heart. Turned out she had everyone fooled, even me.

 

It is scary, but it is life sadly!

[fudge_cake_89]

Heya, yeah the whole music thing, when i was on my hols i met an amazing guy (sort of..i never spoke to him, we just stared into each others eyes all holiday!) so i didnt get any contact info to/from him.

 

now every time i listen to James Blunt - You're Beautiful, i think of him and i still cry when i hear it, couple of other songs 2, but its as if that song was written for us, cos every word..almost..tells the story of what happened between us. grr to that song..but its so perdy..grr.!

[sick of it]

brooke and chocolate....its stange that you say that. i always thought she was more into me. and it actually scared me that though i loved her, i didnt know how to show her the way she showed me. then all of a sudden i find out it was a cover, a lie, and that she was thiunking of breaking up for a long while. maybe its over compensation? and we were the one who actually loved, we were real.

[brooke7777]

I know that his love for me was totally real too, but I think recently I have just realized that the tables were turned. I thought he was more in love with me when in reality I was the one that was more in love with him. You know that saying, you never realize how much you love soemthing until its gone (or something to that extent)...so freakin true. Here I am now five months later and I am still totally longing for him and realizing how much I truly cared and still care for him.

[Brittanyjean06]

I know! you say that to your self oh they love me more, because at the time you are confident- you have your boyfriend- and than BOOm everything is gone- hahah i reamber in august when we broke up- i would say oh i will be the first one to go out with some one i will be the first one to get over him- never say that! THEY HIT YOU IN THE ASS big time! lol

[jacked17]

yeah I pretty much have to listen to rap or talk radio cuz everything else breaks my heart to hear some of the songs on the radio. Someone brought up the song photograph by Nickelback and I can't listen to that one. The bad part about my ex and I is that music was the thing that brought us together in the first place and we used to go to concerts all the time. Whenever I hear a song on the radio, I can somehow relate it to my ex in some way so it sucks that there are so many reminders.

[AlwaysAdored]

Am there with the music thing. Can't handle the ballads. I play guitar and I have barely touched it since the breakup. I don't know why really. I'm supposed to be concentrating on the hobby, not putting it away, but I jsut can't bear it yet. Good music for me right now is Lauryn Hill's album The miseducation of Lauryn Hill. There's some awesome one's on there. Any girl going through a break-up should own this CD!! There's even one called " I used to love him, but now I don't." Also, Ani Defranco's live Living in Clip double CD is the ultimate in woman empowerment......sorry to all the guys out there reading this.

[Brittanyjean06]

hey jackied, and always adored-

 

jacked- I to can not listen to photograph MY friends know right away to turn that song off- I try to listen to sad songs, the emotion it brings me, honestly is more than i can bear--

 

I have a guitar to- and if you play guitar you have got to keep playing it that will help you out- cry , make beatuiful music please, my friend jacob has been playing for 5 years and he says with out it he might have commited suicide- well i never really played mine any way because i suck! but im telling you ifyou were motivated before- make this motivate you more

[wendel1]

Hey Brittany, Ive been playing guitar for about 10 years, and it is a great way to release emotion!

 

Breaking up with an ex is actually beneficial for me....you wouldnt believe the inspiration it has given to me to write and create...music is a great outlet to voice your feelings! And it makes you feel better!

 

Luckily, I'm heading to the studio to record the stuff Ive written, that way I can get my feelings out, and feel that something positive has come from a very hard breakup

[Brittanyjean06]

When i here someone play the guitar- and can tell that it just comes to them naturally- it really makes me happy i love the guitar- I have no practiced in forever- and hopefully will one day

 

Yes your music, is like your best friend! 10 years??? DANG you must be wonderful!