datboispiggs Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 Heres my story. I am 23 . Lets rewind to my senior year in high school. My parents( Love them both) lived totally different lifestyles. My dad is a habitual marijuana user and tried to hide this from my mom throughout their marriage. My mom drinks alcohol like its her job becuase of a rough childhood and her brother commiting suicide 14 years ago. My brother is a compulsive gambler cause he's too lazy to get a job that consists of working. I have been with my ex on and off again for almost 3 years now. THings have really been rough. At the beginning she was never over her ex boyfriend and would always talk about thta **** to me and I cared less to hear about it. She says if I was any friend that I would have helped her through it. In the beginning when she wasnt 21 she was drinking at a bar. I didnt go with her cause I was sick from some nasty hot dogs I ate. She got a minor and I drove a half hour to pick her up. When we got home she was puking and I comforted her. She out of the blue said "I hate you". From that moment on my trust and love for her diminished slighty but thought hey this might be something good and stuck with her. She told me about her past and to this day I wish I never would have asked. She was a exotic dancer before she was with me. SHe did this without telling her previous boyfriend what was going on. He found out and slugged her. They broke up and 6 months later she was with him again. When I heard this I havent really trusted her like I should. Well she's lied to me about dudes numbers and when we break up she's seen hanging on dudes at the bar. When she comes back and says I love you so much, I'm always hesitant on believing her. Now my family isn't peferct and I'll admit that I live with my brother who doesnt get his bills paid on time, and my mom riding my ass because of this takes a huge toll on me. I end up getting upset when she's around and she claims I take it out on her. I do but usually apologize for letting it get the best of me. Well one day we were in the bar and her brother was there. She was hanging with her ex boyfriend and I gotta a little fired up about it. I talked to her brother and said the reason I don't trust his sister is because she lied to everyone about being a stripper. She threw her drink in my face walked out and I didn't talk to her for a week. She calls while on my way back from KC saying she wanted to see me. She wrote me a love letter and I heard she was hanging out with some other dude. I asked if they exchanged numbers and she said no. I looked at her phone and low and behold she had it in there. This got me pissed but I have such a heart that I forgave her. Fast forward to another blow out. We broke up, my brother seen her all over this black dude. She came over that night crying to me( I didnt know about this till the morning) telling me to always remember that she loved me. Well the next day my brother told me this and I called her up asking what the ****ing deal was. She claims she didnt do anything with him. Which was all a lie. She went to his house that night and slept with him. That same night trying to kiss me. I told her to leave me alone and she turns it around and makes me look guilty for telling her that everytime we break up she's with someone else within a week. So we dont talk for a week. SHe calls up when she hears I'm going to FLorida. I tell her that I wish things could work between us. We get back together. I couldnt get the thought of her sleeping with this other dude outta my head and we got into a huge fight where I would call her names. I'll admit I can be an a**h***, but who can't when provoked? So I talk to her today after 3 weeks of not talking to her and tell her I'm getting out of here. Getting away from my problems and gonna start my life over and I wanna do it with her. She says no that theres no hope for us and to leave her alone. I know this isnt what she wants but's gotta put on a front and act cold till I beg. Which I will never do . Basically what I'm asking is why do I feel like this whole thing is my fault and that I'm the only guilty party. What do I do and how can I get it sunk in my head that I want nothing to do with her? Im absolutely lost when I talked to her today I felt the lowest in my 23 years of life damn near wanted to bite the bullet. Over some chick too. I know I'm thinking irrationally but I always read these thread and you people offer some good advice. Thanks for any input.
bluechocolate Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 Can't seem to get through to her... Maybe that's because she's as thick as a brick. She certainly sounds that way. Start your new life - without her. Unless of course you like all the drama.
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