Cupcake Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Or maybe we never were actually a couple. I've been in an LDR with this man in a different country for almost 7 months. I went to visity him for a week, just before the Christmas holiday. After I returned home, he called me every day. We always talk everyday via telephone. Two days before Christmas, he stopped calling me. I tried calling him but the line was busy. I called him at work but there was no answer. A week later (after Christmas) he sent me an email apologizing for not contacting me. He explained that he had been on vacation from work and went out of town to visit his parents. He asked how my Christmas holiday was. I was concerned that he sent me an email instead of simply calling me the way he normally does. So I responded to the email by telling him that I had been worried about him, and I was upset that we didn't speak during the Christmas holiday. I asked him to call me. He still didn't call. Even worse, he didn't reply to my email. Now, a week later (after the New Year Holiday), I finally called him at work and he answered. It's been two weeks since I've spoken to him. I'm really angry. I asked why he hadn't called last week. He said he's been busy at work. I asked why he didn't reply to the email I sent. He said I seemed angry. He wanted to "WAIT" until I calmed down before he contact me again. There is no way he could possibly know when I've calmed down if he doesn't contact me. The longer he waits to contact me, I get more angry with him because the reason for my anger is that he HASN'T contacted me. How could he expect me to simply get over this without communicating with him. It's like he can disappear for weeks at a time. And when he returns, I should be happy to hear from him. Where the hell has he been all this time? How could he expect me not to be angry about this. The way he's dealing with this non-chalantly is making me more upset. What is going on here?
Lucasarts Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 um well obviously you guys werent a couple to begin with 7 months in LDR and you visit him only once? oh and btw LDR has a 75%+ of failing so dont be surprised imo and i wouldnt even bother maintaining one, just find a guy that you can actually have physical contact with *phone sex is no where near as good as the real thing
Author Cupcake Posted January 5, 2006 Author Posted January 5, 2006 Actually, I totally agree that LDR's suck. My last relationship before this one was an LDR, but my XBF lived here in the states. In this new relationship, this guy insisted that we could make it work. When I returned from my visit, he called everyday. We were happy. Then the holidays came, and he disappeared. I don't understand why he would run away from something he wanted.
Lucasarts Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 i think he realized that you werent always going to be there physically and is probably pursuing a relationship thats closer to home with him. besides an LDR is easier to end by simply stopping communications. i think he just wants it to be over, and that you're more trouble to him then you're worth.
Author Cupcake Posted January 6, 2006 Author Posted January 6, 2006 If this is the case, I'd rather he tell me. Instead of me sitting here trying to figure it all out on my own. I hate being dumped. But it's worse not knowing what to do. I'm afraid to move on and forget about him because he may eventually come back with a valid explaination. And I'm afraid to wait for him because I don't know if he'll ever come back.
Lucasarts Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 dont wait it usually doesnt end up being good or not worth it
Sinfuldelight Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 Before you end things, maybe throw out another meeting and see how he reacts to that, if he still acts distant then it really is time to close the door on the relationship and say goodbye because you're only going to end up getting hurt even more the longer you stay. I hope for you the very best. Good luck.
Author Cupcake Posted February 4, 2006 Author Posted February 4, 2006 Since I had an actual conversation with him. Amazingly, during that last coversation, he was being cute and silly by singing to me a song he made up called, "I care for you. You're soo beutiful to me." I had absolutely no clue that would be my last conversation with him. It's not like he's dead. Why is this happening? He called me Jan. 14, and left a message. I was at work and couldn't take the call. All he said was, "Hi it's me. Guess I'll ring you back another time. Take care, bye." That was 3 weeks ago. I recently had a birthday. I thought he would at least call or email on my birthday. But he didn't. And I have no way of contacting him at home. I only have the work number since the home number appears to have changed after he disappeared. I haven't called the work number since that one time I called and he promised to call later that day, but he didn't. So I know it does no good to call him at work because he will always be busy. He won't answer my questions. All I want to know is...Is it over? I want to hear him tell me why he's acting this way. Then I can move on. Then I will know that I'm not over re-acting, or being impatient. Why did he call me three weeks ago if he really didn't want to be bothered with me anymore?
newbby Posted February 4, 2006 Posted February 4, 2006 cupcake, if this isnt over, i dont know what is. he has changed his number since he disappeared, read your own words. i was in a ldr once that ended this way. days before the disappearance I was concerned that he seemed too into me, then suddenly, nothing. ldr's suck.
Elyssa Posted February 19, 2006 Posted February 19, 2006 Hm, every relationship is different, let me show you my own example on this: I had a LDR for about 3 years. I am from Europe, he's from the States. We met for first time about 5 months after we had met and we knew very clearly how we felt about eachother. We got engaged on the first time he came to visit me. At first, we were meeting every 3 months or so, but soon enough money became an issue and we spent one year without meeting. During this time, we fought alot, we were tense and frustrated, we couldn't find a way to communicate to eachother how we felt, so sometimes we didn't talk at all for a few days. One day I decided I had had enough. I moved there and married him within a month. That was a year and a half ago and we are happier than ever. Morale of this story... the reaction you're getting from him might not be that he doesn't want to be with you anymore, but simple frustration. Talk to him honestly instead of letting the issue eat away at you. The sooner you clarify it, the sooner you'll know what to do.
Author Cupcake Posted February 21, 2006 Author Posted February 21, 2006 Morale of this story... the reaction you're getting from him might not be that he doesn't want to be with you anymore, but simple frustration. Talk to him honestly instead of letting the issue eat away at you. The sooner you clarify it, the sooner you'll know what to do. Thanks for your insight. I have considered all possible reasons for his behaviour. I'm willing to except ALL of them. The problem is, not knowing for certain. HE WON'T TALK TO ME. I posted another thread last week about finally calling him (again) at work. I even sent him an email. He responded coldly by promising to call me "eventually" but not anytime soon because he's busy with work and other things. I know this man's personality and way of thinking. He likes to run away from problems rather than facing them head on. Clearly, whatever is going on with him, it's not something I would like. If he talks to me, he will have to lie, or tell me the truth. Maybe he doesn't want to lie. Maybe he doesn't want to tell me the truth. And he doesn't want to push me away, officially. By not talking to me, he avoids everything. I get angry that he's not considering my feelings during this obviously difficult time. I get sad because I miss him.
penkitten Posted February 21, 2006 Posted February 21, 2006 my two cents is that he is seeing someone else, someone nearby that he has met. now you can take it or leave it , but you should know that it really isnt you, its just that this new person is closer and hes lonely. he does like you and doesnt want to hurt you either and thats why he just hasnt said so. i would just stop talking to him and see if he does try to contact you. if he doesnt contact you in a few days, it would be safe to assume that it is time to move on.
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