My brain is scrambled

[Lindsay]

As per the title, my brain is scrambled and just need to type this out. I was with a guy 3yrs ago and whilst we were together it was amazing, a really happy moment in my life and I really thought he was my person/this is it. A genuine connection between us both. Unfortunately something came up in his life and he wasn’t ready for a relationship so he ended it. I never contacted him again, he blocked me on WhatsApp months later and that was that. A year later I was out at a horse event ironically the same venue we had our third date/kiss, and completely unexpectedly he walks past with a girl who looked exactly like me, and obviously had the same interest as me too (horses), so that was very weird. He’d unblocked me at one point then decided to re-block again. 
 

Anyway more to the point of current situation, last year I got a genuine message completely out of the blue from him apologising, how it’s been on his mind a lot, and how he’s been thinking of me. We caught up and for some time everything was going well, we were reconnecting again, he was reminiscing about our time together, and we both confessed we still had feelings for each other. He completely unblocked me on WhatsApp too. In the last week I’ve seen that he has a new girlfriend and has updated his picture of them two at a place where I visited years back/when we were breaking up. So my brain is completely scrambled of how you go from “I think you’re genuinely amazing, you made me feel so lucky too. You are so lovely, I will always have feelings for you as it always makes me happy when I’m speaking with you and our time together which I always think about” to being in a new relationship? 
 

Half of me of course had moved on over the years, the other half needed more time as I knew we had a genuine connection and we didn’t break up because of the other person if that makes sense, plus from speaking again and it being genuine on both sides, my feelings had become a bit more stronger again. I know there’s nothing I can do and just trust the process but it is hard when the half that still had something there is being a bit more dominant right now! 

[ExpatInItaly]

1 hour ago, Lindsay said:

So my brain is completely scrambled of how you go from “I think you’re genuinely amazing, you made me feel so lucky too. You are so lovely, I will always have feelings for you as it always makes me happy when I’m speaking with you and our time together which I always think about” to being in a new relationship? 

At a guess, she has been in the background all along. They've just made it official or reunited or something. That would be my assumption. 

1 hour ago, Lindsay said:

We caught up and for some time everything was going well, we were reconnecting again

Can you clarify - had you been going out on dates with him? Or just messaging/chatting?

1 hour ago, Lindsay said:

Unfortunately something came up in his life and he wasn’t ready for a relationship so he ended it.

What came up? 

[Acacia98]

Please block him. 

[Georgia46]

He sounds dodgy to me.   Blocking you is also horrible & childish. 
 

you had moved on … I’d leave him in the past.

[Alpacalia]

Agree with others. I think this woman was in the picture all along and when things were off with her, he unblocked and tried to pick back up with you.

[ShyViolet]

I bet anything that when he showed up last year and apologized out of the blue, he had broken up with whatever girl he was dating at the time and so he was looking to you as his "backup plan".  It sounds like this guy comes around whenever he doesn't have someone else in his life.  You are his "plan B".

[Gebidozo]

Some people are so insecure that they feel the need to have a “backup” person they could fall onto if something in their relationship goes wrong. Such people treat other human beings like pills: I don’t need you now because I’m not ill, but I’ll keep you in my drawer and the moment I’m feeling sick I’ll take you. Those people are adept at emotional manipulation and are absolutely untrustworthy. Please block that man and move on. 

[Leihla_B]

Sounds like whenever there's turbulence or a break in his current relationship, he reaches out to people from his past to reconnect. Then if he gets back with someone, he'll either ghost or keep up the farce with others until he's confident with his current again.

Whatever broke you up when you were so connected has never resolved--he's still at it, he's still untrustworthy, and words are nothing but words to him.

If he contacts you again, I'd put him on the spot for the update and see how he responds. IF he responds.

Edited October 15, 2024 by Leihla_B