hotgurl Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 touche , why are you asking? You seems to disagree and state that often. So what's behind this? 1
Author Touche Posted January 5, 2006 Author Posted January 5, 2006 touche , why are you asking? You seems to disagree and state that often. So what's behind this? OMG! You just can't win on LS!! I can't stop laughing at this! I've made EVERY effort on here to remain neutral and not state my opinion on this yet. I've disagreed and stated it often? Whoa! Where did THAT come from? Where did I agree OR disagree with anyone? I'm only trying to solicit opinions on this for now...haven't stated my actual opinion ANYWHERE on here. I've been careful NOT to because I wanted to just remain neutral for now. Please, PLEASE tell me where you're getting this idea? Does anyone else think that I"ve disagreed and stated it often as hotgurl says? And by the way, even if I do disagree, is that not allowed? Have I been rude or disrespectful towards anyone? JEEEZZZZZZZZZ!!!!! oh and just curious hotgurl...not only would I like to know what you think I disagreed with I'd like to know what you think my position is on this subject.
Author Touche Posted January 5, 2006 Author Posted January 5, 2006 Oh and P.S. hotgurl, you made some good points of your own. I liked the comment about the fact that the working spouse would still have to work and pay mortgage anyway...good points made.
Wintersbloom Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 I’ll give my thoughts. To stay at home or to work is one of the most difficult decisions any woman any couple has to make. Usually they decide based upon what is in the best interest of their child/children, and upon financial abilities. I stayed at home when my sons were born till they were at least in kindergarten. My Husband and I decided together that I would stay at home while he worked. My "job" however, was taking care of the boys not being a nanny/maid. This came very easy to us...........thankfully. We split the finances and the chores pretty much equally. I have to admit, being home gave me more time to do some of the picking up, but having young boys to care for was exhausting as well as messy. The boys were the priority, not the home. Many of my husband’s friends had their say about my staying home. They assumed I stayed home for lazy reasons rather than this being the decision we made together, feeling at the time, this was in the best interest of our children. My husband did not buy into the "guilt" bs layed upon woman regardless of the choice they make on this issue. He always stuck up for me and made it clear it was OUR choice. If a parent stays home, they may be considered lazy, the home is never as clean or perfect as those critics claim their home would be. If the parent works, they may be considered cold & uncaring; after all they should be taking care of the children rather than worrying about money. My advice to you is to make this choice and support it regardless of the comments. I would also recommend you separate caring for the children from janitorial work. How many jobs do you know of, where you work all day and sometimes all night, and still are required to buff the floors, vacuum, dust, prepare meals, etc. This is not fair to either or you. Placing unrealistic expectations on the partner who stays home, would only going to cause a fracture in your home For what it's worth........_ 1
lilmoma1973 Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 Yes. I don't believe in the woman doing all the housework. thats good to know some men aren't jerks and help out when needed!!! Lilmoma giving you a rep point!!!
whichwayisup Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 WWIU, sorry...didn't mean to start anything, really. I'm sorry that I assumed incorrectly. Ok, well let me ask this then...what if you didn't have any money of your own put away and you didn't earn any doing freelance work, would that change how you feel? Or would everything be the same as far as housework. No problem. I don't know how I'd feel. I still wouldn't want to be considered a maid though. He is his own person, not a little kid who needs his ass wiped by me. LOL! Let's put it this way, I would pick a day make that a FULL cleaning day. Evenings he could still do laundry since he loves doing that so much... I wouldn't want him coming home from work and cleaning. But I do believe it's still a give and take thing. It won't kill him to do afew dishes. We're both guilty of making something quick to eat and leaving dishes in the sink. Or tea, coffee, etc. Either way it gets done. It's so not an issue with us so I don't give it much thought.
JayKay Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 I think if there are kids involved, BOTH parents should help with household stuff. Kids, when they're little especially, suck up vast amounts of time and energy. My friend has two special-needs children and just getting their teeth brushed, faces and washed and clothes on in the morning takes hours. It takes her twice as long as it used to go shopping, pay the bills, do the laundry and cook meals. She is always tired and by the end of the day, she's ready to conk out by 9 PM (the kids are always up by 5:30 AM!) Her husband works a full-time and part-time job. THey've had arguments about him being 'too tired' to help out, but at least when he's off...he's OFF. She NEVER gets a break from the kids. If one wakes up in the middle of the night, she gets up. If one refuses to take a nap, that means no nap for her either. Her house is always a mess. She says people have been horribly critical of her but she has no help from her family and they can't afford a housekeeper. She said when they're older and in school, she's going back to work. "It's easier!!!!!"
Mz. Pixie Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 It's somewhat easier. My heart breaks for your friend JayKay, that is a FULL TIME forever job- especially if they have no chances of being on their own, marrying etc.
lilmoma1973 Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 It's somewhat easier. My heart breaks for your friend JayKay, that is a FULL TIME forever job- especially if they have no chances of being on their own, marrying etc. Definitely ,if you are a stay at home mom and married and still have no help ,then that can very tiring and frustrating !!! Even if the kids are school age ,getting the kids feed,bathed ,and ready for school for the next day ,can be exhausting, when the h works, and thinks that is all he has to do!! You have to pull together with the help and discipline as well !!
Shana Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 Shana' date=' thanks for your input. I just didn't get one thing. What do you mean you would not accept being a stay at home mom if you're husband is working? You think BOTH parents should always be working and a child needs to be in daycare? Just curious...not sure I understood. Thanks.[/quote'] No, noooo I mean, that If I had kids, of course the first few months of their lives I would want to stay home with them, then I would hire day care to care for them during the day while I and the H work. Just saying that I would not take "being a mommy" as a "free ride" of being home untill their 18 years old! lol! And to add some input on what others said about H coming home and doing chores too. I feel SAH mom should do the majority (like I said earlier) but when Daddy comes home he will be helping bathing and putting the kids to sleep, cleaning up after himself .. Then we can have our time together. Work as a team to be able to spend time together ...
Shana Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 Yeah i hear that when he is wanting to blow money !! I don't mind if bills are taken care of and then if there is money to play then im ok with it!! My h thinks cause he brings home the bacon ,he can do whatever he wants with it!! What do we stay at home parents get ?Maybe we should request money for our duties so we feel that we are appreciated!! I made this statement to my h and he didn't have anything to say ,but a blank look ,sure took him by surprize!! We have a job too ,where is our reinbursement!!! Your reimbursement is in 20 years your children are grown up to be stand up respectable people with good direction. That's just what you get. If I was your H I would have look at you that way too!
hotgurl Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 OMG! You just can't win on LS!! I can't stop laughing at this! I've made EVERY effort on here to remain neutral and not state my opinion on this yet. I've disagreed and stated it often? Whoa! Where did THAT come from? Where did I agree OR disagree with anyone? I'm only trying to solicit opinions on this for now...haven't stated my actual opinion ANYWHERE on here. I've been careful NOT to because I wanted to just remain neutral for now. Please, PLEASE tell me where you're getting this idea? Does anyone else think that I"ve disagreed and stated it often as hotgurl says? And by the way, even if I do disagree, is that not allowed? Have I been rude or disrespectful towards anyone? JEEEZZZZZZZZZ!!!!! oh and just curious hotgurl...not only would I like to know what you think I disagreed with I'd like to know what you think my position is on this subject. I wanted to reply before I read the rest. You can disagree disagree all you wnt I never said you couldn't but when someone would say I would expect the hubby to help out etc. .. you would say even if.. but what if... I guess it is more making counter points than disagreeing
lilmoma1973 Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 Your reimbursement is in 20 years your children are grown up to be stand up respectable people with good direction. That's just what you get. If I was your H I would have look at you that way too! Whatever!!!!!! You aren't in my shoes so you can't judge..... I do everything in my household... my h does whatever he wants and i have basically raised two kids pretty much on my own ... My h ex isn't involved really in his son's life and i have his caregiver since he was 2 !! While ss mom and dad didn their thing!!! So i think i deserve some help every once and awhile .. He is in a band and has his time when is my time? He is getting better but it has taken alot of hell to get to that point!!
Kenyth Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 There's no easy answer to this question. I think that you should endeavor to work around the house at a reasonable pace during the time your SO works. When they get home, responsibilities are split equally from there. You have to also remember that men generally get all the unpleasant household chores. The sweaty, dirty ones that involve powered equipment, tools, and heavy lifting. It's easy for women to forget lawn mowing, edging, digging in flower beds, planting, hauling rock/mulch, snow shoveling, filling water softeners with 160 lbs of salt, changing oil, minor car repair, fixing damaged walls, hauling down and then putting away holiday decorations, fixing holiday light strings, cleaning and servicing the vacuum cleaner, collecting and taking out trash, assembling any kit product bought for the home, moving furniture, cleaning basements and garages, etc. because they don't do them regularly. Most of theses jobs are dirty, smelly, and/or done in the elements. Now, I'm not saying women do nothing. I'm just saying that sometimes men do more than you perceive and give them credit for. Like a wise man once said. Ask yourself if you'd like to trade jobs, if neither job looks good, the distribution of work is likely pretty fair.
lilmoma1973 Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 There's no easy answer to this question. I think that you should endeavor to work around the house at a reasonable pace during the time your SO works. When they get home, responsibilities are split equally from there. You have to also remember that men generally get all the unpleasant household chores. The sweaty, dirty ones that involve powered equipment, tools, and heavy lifting. It's easy for women to forget lawn mowing, edging, digging in flower beds, planting, hauling rock/mulch, snow shoveling, filling water softeners with 160 lbs of salt, changing oil, minor car repair, fixing damaged walls, hauling down and then putting away holiday decorations, fixing holiday light strings, cleaning and servicing the vacuum cleaner, collecting and taking out trash, assembling any kit product bought for the home, moving furniture, cleaning basements and garages, etc. because they don't do them regularly. Most of theses jobs are dirty, smelly, and/or done in the elements. Now, I'm not saying women do nothing. I'm just saying that sometimes men do more than you perceive and give them credit for. Like a wise man once said. Ask yourself if you'd like to trade jobs, if neither job looks good, the distribution of work is likely pretty fair. There is no way my h could be a stay at home mom , he gets stressed when he walks in and daughter isn't listening and will give her way to her not to deal with it!! No disciplining in the household except by me and if he does when he loses it!! He lets ss talk to be disrespectful and says why do i hate him? He tells me i hate my own daughter when i punish or make her mind!! It don't matter what i do ,i am damned if i do and damned if i don't!!
SamandBran Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 I have read the first few posts and agree that men/women (whomever is working) should help out when they come home but the one that is staying at home should be doing the majority of the work. My husband and I both work and have a 1 1/2 year old. I do little things like picking up after them but my husband is constantly mopping, vacuuming and washing the dishes. He even cooks most of our meals. I feel that it takes a great partnership for the chores to not be a problem. My husband does not mind if I decide not to work for awhile once I become pregnant with our second child. But, I love working and I may take a year off if not less. I'm sure my husband will still help out just as much as we both do when we come home. Just because you come home from work doesn't mean your day just stopped there. There is still cleaning and child-rearing that has to be done...lol. Good luck to all of you!
Justpassingby Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 You have to also remember that men generally get all the unpleasant household chores. The sweaty, dirty ones that involve powered equipment, tools, and heavy lifting. It's easy for women to forget lawn mowing, edging, digging in flower beds, planting, hauling rock/mulch, snow shoveling, filling water softeners with 160 lbs of salt, changing oil, minor car repair, fixing damaged walls, hauling down and then putting away holiday decorations, fixing holiday light strings, cleaning and servicing the vacuum cleaner, collecting and taking out trash, assembling any kit product bought for the home, moving furniture, cleaning basements and garages, etc. because they don't do them regularly. Most of theses jobs are dirty, smelly, and/or done in the elements.. I'm a SAHM and I must say WOW ! Where is this man because I do 90% of this list myself. That ontop of all the household chores. It was not an option. It would help if my dh would pitch in every now and then. But it's not going to happen. He walks in and hits the chair with a remote in hand. Stays there until 11pm every night. I have days were I'm just dead on my feet. My issue is not the household stuff. It's the children. If he would come home and just help with homework would be a tremendous help to me or even play with our toddler.
lilmoma1973 Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 I'm a SAHM and I must say WOW ! Where is this man because I do 90% of this list myself. That ontop of all the household chores. It was not an option. It would help if my dh would pitch in every now and then. But it's not going to happen. He walks in and hits the chair with a remote in hand. Stays there until 11pm every night. I have days were I'm just dead on my feet. My issue is not the household stuff. It's the children. If he would come home and just help with homework would be a tremendous help to me or even play with our toddler. I can so relate with you i do majority of everything too!! My h stays at the computer till bed promoting his band and doing band sh@@.. Know how you feel only here recently he has started pulling his weight....BOUT TIME!!!
Shana Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 Whatever!!!!!! You aren't in my shoes so you can't judge..... I do everything in my household... my h does whatever he wants and i have basically raised two kids pretty much on my own ... My h ex isn't involved really in his son's life and i have his caregiver since he was 2 !! While ss mom and dad didn their thing!!! So i think i deserve some help every once and awhile .. He is in a band and has his time when is my time? He is getting better but it has taken alot of hell to get to that point!! I am not judging you or anyone for that matter but honestly, what do you expect to receive? And, sorry your life sucks (the way you wrote it, sounds like it) but you have choices too ya know. We all do. You did not have to raiser HIS other kid, only yours but you chose to raise his son as well (kudos to you, most people would probably not take in half you do, I applaud you, SERIOUSLY, I do) You sound very unhappy and I'm sad for that. You don't have to live unhappy. I don't know your situation and I wish your H would help you, I think marriage is a two-way-EVERYTHING and if one is headed down a one-way I think the other should pack up and hit the door, with kids in tow or whatever you have that is precious to you. I don't think anything is right in a relationship or marriage that is not a "togetherness" structure. That is the way is has to be to work!!! I wish you luck, I do. But what I said is true... all you will have as reimbursement is your shining star kids.. which is not so bad in the long run
Kenyth Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 I'm a SAHM and I must say WOW ! Where is this man because I do 90% of this list myself. That ontop of all the household chores. It was not an option. It would help if my dh would pitch in every now and then. But it's not going to happen. He walks in and hits the chair with a remote in hand. Stays there until 11pm every night. I have days were I'm just dead on my feet. My issue is not the household stuff. It's the children. If he would come home and just help with homework would be a tremendous help to me or even play with our toddler. I'm right here!
In mourning Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 I'm a stay at home mom four kids two on the way. I also home school. I am responsible for all duties in the home. I feel it is up to me to have a clean home and well groomed children. I take pride in my family and home; just as a person working out of the home would in their career. My husband cooks dinner on his days off or we order out. My husband hasn't cleaned a dish in the 10 years I'm been with him(he cooks, I clean). He shares his pay check with me so you can't say I work for free.
Presario Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 Sure, the husband should do at least some house chores. Otherwise he will likely not appreciate the work of his wife. 1
lilmoma1973 Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 Sure, the husband should do at least some house chores. Otherwise he will likely not appreciate the work of his wife. Thank you for saying that presario you hit the nail on the head !!! I gave you a rep point for that ...
Woggle Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 To me it is not about the husband helping out. He should do his half of the chores. If both people pitch in things will get done faster and they will both have more free time. Raising kids can be hard but if both parties take an equally active role they will go through it together and resentment is much less likely to build up.
lilmoma1973 Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 To me it is not about the husband helping out. He should do his half of the chores. If both people pitch in things will get done faster and they will both have more free time. Raising kids can be hard but if both parties take an equally active role they will go through it together and resentment is much less likely to build up. You are right as well Woggle totally agree with what you said !! It is a partnership ...
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