Author Touche Posted January 5, 2006 Author Posted January 5, 2006 That is exactly what she meant! So my thinking, what happens if both partners are in the same profession, and one makes $120,000/year say with the government and the other makes $80,000 and works for a non-profit organization and they both work hard for 8-10 hrs a day? So, the lower paid income earner has to do 30% more of the housework (excuse my math LOL)...I don't think so which is why I disagreed with Dr. Laura. If a woman is staying at home with her kids, there isn't time for her to do ALL the housework. Kids need her attention which is why she is staying home. Yes, you can throw a load of laundry in, but may not have time to fold it. You can take something out for supper and plan the meal, but may not always every day have time to cook it. You can pop a DVD in for the kid and clean the bathrooms, or do this while the kids are napping if they are younger. But not 100% of the household duties should be on the SAH mom and this needs to be discussed and worked out ahead of time as to how much is reasonable and what is expected. I would get frustrated if I was working and came home every day to a disaster household if my partner was staying home all day. How about drawing up a contract? There is a marriage contract, so why would it be any different from that or an employment contract? Good post MW and thanks littlekitty, grat points raised there as well.
Author Touche Posted January 5, 2006 Author Posted January 5, 2006 I have wanted to make a post on here about this type of thing ,but figured i would get bashed so never did! You be surprized how many women and men stay at home feel they are treated fairly about this situation !! What are you saying lilmoma...that many stay at homes feel they aren't being treated fairly? Is that what you meant to say? And in what way(s) don't you think they're being treated fairly (if that's what you meant to say.)
lilmoma1973 Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 Isn't your "reimbursement" that you have all your bills paid for? Meals' date=' roof over your head, etc. etc.[/quote'] No that is his obligation !! You sound like my h !! He is the man and is suppose to take care of the family!!
lilmoma1973 Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 What are you saying lilmoma...that many stay at homes feel they aren't being treated fairly? Is that what you meant to say? And in what way(s) don't you think they're being treated fairly (if that's what you meant to say.) Yes Touche because my h assumes that because i stay at home im supposed to do everything and he isn't cause when he clocks out he is done!! My job is neverending till i lay my head on the pillow that is when i clock out!!
whichwayisup Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 Funny my husband loves doing the laundry too! I thought he was the only person on the planet! You say: "Wives aren't slaves and aren't meant to just serve their husbands." But couldn't he say the same? I mean how are you a slave if he's working all day and bringing home a paycheck and paying for all your bills? By the way, it's not an issue at all in my home either. Not at all. I will reveal why I'm asking this question when I get a few more responses. I just wanted to remain neutral for awhile on this. I'm really surprised at the answers though for the most part. Very, very interesting to me. I'm not working right now because of my anxiety disorder and I'm getting help for that. It's been over 2 years since I've worked fulltime. I do freelance right now and I have money put away. It's not like HE is bring home all the bread and I'm spending. I don't spend a cent of the money that he makes. I have bills I pay, he has the ones he pays for too. He isn't paying any of my bills, you're assuming that and you're wrong. Sorry, you touched a nerve in me. I do most of the cleaning and stuff, he does do yard work. I shove ALL the snow, he helps with the dishes, does laundry (weird that yours likes it too!)... I have to say though, I'm extremely lucky to have this man because he isn't OLD FASHIONED in the sense of it's a woman's job to do this and that. He is open minded and doesn't expect me to clean up after him. Just like I don't expect him to do my stuff around the house. If he does, it's cuz he wants to.
It's all good Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 I was a stay at home mom for 2 years recently, after being a single working mom doing it all by myself for about 10 years. If the hubby is the bread winner and there are children at home than yes he should help out a bit. The mom (or stay at home bomb, I use to call it) needs some help simply because it is a family, not just a work relationship. A wife needs a break too. It's very hard work being a stay at home mom. I'd rather have a job...less stress, more time to take a break. I now have both and feel I can relax more at work than at home! I tryed to do the husband hands off housework routine...and found myself getting resentful. He goes to work then leaves it all behind when he comes home. Stay at home mom has her work in front of her 24/7 and is always on duty! Esp. if you have little ones. Mom is the one getting up at night with the baby while dad sleeps...she deserves a break too. On weekends is when my H would help out with laundry or taking the kids so I could get a break. I believe stay at home mom's should get a pay check as well! You pay the maid don't you??
Author Touche Posted January 5, 2006 Author Posted January 5, 2006 I was a stay at home mom for 2 years recently, after being a single working mom doing it all by myself for about 10 years. If the hubby is the bread winner and there are children at home than yes he should help out a bit. The mom (or stay at home bomb, I use to call it) needs some help simply because it is a family, not just a work relationship. A wife needs a break too. It's very hard work being a stay at home mom. I'd rather have a job...less stress, more time to take a break. I now have both and feel I can relax more at work than at home! I tryed to do the husband hands off housework routine...and found myself getting resentful. He goes to work then leaves it all behind when he comes home. Stay at home mom has her work in front of her 24/7 and is always on duty! Esp. if you have little ones. Mom is the one getting up at night with the baby while dad sleeps...she deserves a break too. On weekends is when my H would help out with laundry or taking the kids so I could get a break. I believe stay at home mom's should get a pay check as well! You pay the maid don't you?? Yes but you don't give the maid shelter and food and pay her bills so you SHOULD pay her. Good comments...But did want to say that yes, the job CAN be 24/7, but it doesn't have to be. Managing time is important and so is knowing when you're "off-duty" and making sure you take that off-duty time.
whichwayisup Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 And it's that off time duty where the spouse can help, pick up the slack abit. Give and take it still what it comes down to. Oh my hubby also loves ironing! I don't believe in ironing...lol
Author Touche Posted January 5, 2006 Author Posted January 5, 2006 And it's that off time duty where the spouse can help, pick up the slack abit. Give and take it still what it comes down to. Oh my hubby also loves ironing! I don't believe in ironing...lol You're funny Witch...er...Which! You're hubby is worse than mine! Mine just likes laundry. You know what? I don't believe in ironing, laundry, cleaning toilets, cleaning out the refrigerator, etc. etc. But I still do it:mad: But I'm with you on the ironing...I avoid it wherever possible...This is me: "Oh, honey, it's just a couple of wrinkles no one is even going to notice them! They'll be looking at your gorgeous smile instead!":laugh:
michaelk Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 The answer to the OP's original question is yes, the husband should help out. The more important question is 'how much'? And I think the answer to that comes down to fairness and equity. If there are no children, then the wife should be able to cook, clean and run errands without feeling she's getting the short end of the stick. If there are kids, the picture changes considerably. Very young children (before school age) are more than a full-time job by themselves. In this situation, the H should expect to be pitching in. Of course, if he's doing fix-it and home improvement work, this has to be taken into account too. Sometimes, there just aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done, even if you both work at it constantly! The bottom line is that neither partner should end up feeling slighted because the other draws some artificial boundary and says "I don't do that. That's your job". BTW, this Dr. Laura business about dividing up the work based on its monetary value is a load of crap. Economic principles should be applied where they make sense.
lilmoma1973 Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 You're funny Witch...er...Which! You're hubby is worse than mine! Mine just likes laundry. You know what? I don't believe in ironing, laundry, cleaning toilets, cleaning out the refrigerator, etc. etc. But I still do it:mad: But I'm with you on the ironing...I avoid it wherever possible...This is me: "Oh, honey, it's just a couple of wrinkles no one is even going to notice them! They'll be looking at your gorgeous smile instead!":laugh: roflmao!! :lmao: Why iron when you can throw it in the dryer? Gets them out the same!!
Mz. Pixie Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 I think if you don't have children, the stay at home wife should be able to keep most of everything done. Children throw a whole different wrench into the situation though. A SAHM doesn't get to clock out, so in reality- unless her kids are in school most of the day- she's working all day just like her husband. At night they should jointly share in taking care of the kids and the nightly things that have to be done. I've done the SAHM thing and it wasn't for me. I need adult interaction during the day. I did love the time with my child and I LOVED keeping my home clean and organized. I didn't expect my exhusband to do much at all. My husband now works two jobs because we're trying to get debt free. I feel that I should do the majority of the household chores and as much as possible to make life easier for him since he is doing this. He still cooks on his nights off and he does laundry and such when he is off and on the weekends. He doesn't feel like it's solely my job. It's a partnership- one should do the jobs that they can that the other doesn't like. For instance, I hate paying bills or balancing the checkbook- so my husband does that. He hates dealing with insurance and stuff like that so I do it. I hate folding socks, and he doesn't mind so when I do the rest of the laundry I leave the socks for him.
Lil Honey Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 Folks should just be able to see what needs to be done and do it rather than keep score.
Author Touche Posted January 5, 2006 Author Posted January 5, 2006 Folks should just be able to see what needs to be done and do it rather than keep score. Honey, who's keeping score? We're just having a discussion. I asked for some opinions on something. WWIU, sorry...didn't mean to start anything, really. I'm sorry that I assumed incorrectly. Ok, well let me ask this then...what if you didn't have any money of your own put away and you didn't earn any doing freelance work, would that change how you feel? Or would everything be the same as far as housework. Thanks everyone for your responses. I want to see if I can sum this up as far as how everyone weighs in. Maybe someone can help me but it looks like almost no one thinks that the person staying at home should do ALL the work. Is that the general consensus that the stay at home person should be doing most of it but not all? And I appreciate the comments on the concerning whether there are small kids involved...that's a whole other kettle of fish. I guess I should have been more clear here. I'm wondering about with older kids, not toddlers. Should the working spouse be involved with kids' "chores" like homework and such? I'd still like to hear opinions on what the working spouses think. Thanks everyone!
Author Touche Posted January 5, 2006 Author Posted January 5, 2006 roflmao!! :lmao: Why iron when you can throw it in the dryer? Gets them out the same!! True! But sometimes people (read spouses) are funny about things and they get this crazy idea that they want creases in their pants and things.
SmoochieFace Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 Honey' date=' who's keeping score? We're just having a discussion. I asked for some opinions on something.[/quote'] No, you missed what LH meant. She meant keeping score at home - if something needs to be done, just do it, instead of keeping score on who is doing what or who should do what chores. Nothing to do with keeping score here on LS...
Author Touche Posted January 5, 2006 Author Posted January 5, 2006 No, you missed what LH meant. She meant keeping score at home - if something needs to be done, just do it, instead of keeping score on who is doing what or who should do what chores. Nothing to do with keeping score here on LS... Well, ok...I see what you're both saying now. Yes, of course I agree with that...not that it's always that way for some, but yes, ideally that's the way it OUGHT to be. But that's not really another topic and not the topic I've brought up. So what do YOU think, Smooch? Care to weigh in on this?
MWC_LifeBeginsAt40 Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 My S-I-L sits on her fa..uh...bum all day watching the big screen TV while the kids are at school and he's on the road doing longhaul. She hosted a family event recently and the laundry in her bedroom was piled higher than the dresser. You couldn't see one square inch of the floor in the kids bedrooms through toys. My brother even knocked a hole in the kitchen wall so she could see the TV from there, but the dishes still don't get done for day sat a time (like...3 dishwasher loads). He doesn't help either, so I will just assume they're happy in their little pigsty.
lilmoma1973 Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 True! But sometimes people (read spouses) are funny about things and they get this crazy idea that they want creases in their pants and things. you mean some spouses are anal about their creases in their pants !!!
Author Touche Posted January 5, 2006 Author Posted January 5, 2006 My S-I-L sits on her fa..uh...bum all day watching the big screen TV while the kids are at school and he's on the road doing longhaul. She hosted a family event recently and the laundry in her bedroom was piled higher than the dresser. You couldn't see one square inch of the floor in the kids bedrooms through toys. My brother even knocked a hole in the kitchen wall so she could see the TV from there, but the dishes still don't get done for day sat a time (like...3 dishwasher loads). He doesn't help either, so I will just assume they're happy in their little pigsty. Why doesn't your brother say something? Does he complain about it? Does he not help because maybe he feels it's her job? Filth to that degree usually signifies some deeper issues, I think. Depression or drugs maybe? Shoot, going OT on my own thread!
SmoochieFace Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 So what do YOU think' date=' Smooch? Care to weigh in on this?[/quote'] As a guy who works fulltime and lives alone, I do everything. I did everything even when I was married cuz my XW was a slacker who would rather sit and watch teevee instead of helping out. She also had this thing of bringing in stray doggies and putting their needs above more immediate pressing needs such as paying car payments on time and paying car insurance. Concerning the question, I agree with LH. If something needs to be done, just do it. Don't sit around and wait for the *other person* to do it... uh-uh, won't work. I am so used to doing everything at home that I wouldn't sit around and wait for someone else to do things anyway. I don't want a maid. I want a partner who is willing to be a team player with me.
Author Touche Posted January 5, 2006 Author Posted January 5, 2006 As a guy who works fulltime and lives alone, I do everything. I did everything even when I was married cuz my XW was a slacker who would rather sit and watch teevee instead of helping out. She also had this thing of bringing in stray doggies and putting their needs above more immediate pressing needs such as paying car payments on time and paying car insurance. Concerning the question, I agree with LH. If something needs to be done, just do it. Don't sit around and wait for the *other person* to do it... uh-uh, won't work. I am so used to doing everything at home that I wouldn't sit around and wait for someone else to do things anyway. I don't want a maid. I want a partner who is willing to be a team player with me. But what if you worked full-time and your wife was at home all day? Would you consider her to be your maid? Would you expect her to do all the household chores, cooking, etc because that would be HER full-time job. Or would you consider her a team player and partner just doing her job?
SmoochieFace Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 But what if you worked full-time and your wife was at home all day? Would you consider her to be your maid? Would you expect her to do all the household chores' date=' cooking, etc because that would be HER full-time job. Or would you consider her a team player and partner just doing her job?[/quote'] I would not consider her to be my *maid* - she would be my wife and team-mate. We would work together to keep up the home. Of course, living where I live, SAHMs are a rarity with the high costs of everything - especially real estate.
Author Touche Posted January 5, 2006 Author Posted January 5, 2006 I would not consider her to be my *maid* - she would be my wife and team-mate. We would work together to keep up the home. Of course, living where I live, SAHMs are a rarity with the high costs of everything - especially real estate. So you'd work together? You'd do housecleaning too after working a whole day at work? Ok...thanks for your input. Would love to hear from some actual working spouses. But I do appreciate everyone's opinions on this. Thanks!
hotgurl Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 in regards to older kids I feel that with school aged kids the sahm would have an easier time keeping up with chores. But the dad should still help with the kids' homework in the evenngs no only because it gives the mom a break but because that is the only time he sees his kids and need to bond with them and play an active role in thier life other than making money. On the weekends maybe the dad could cook a meal or help out or take the family out to dinner. And yes he does pay the bills but they are thier bills not only hers and he would still have to pay a mortagage etc.. if he were single but she is also contributing by making his life more comfortable by providing a clean home and good food etc.. She would need breaks and help and also time to be herslef away from the kids etc...
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