Stood up, and crying over someone I barely know and never met. Feeling like such a fool.

[KamaladoesntrhymewitPamela]

I have been talking to this gentleman who is on the spectrum for a few weeks now, and I happened to be in his area for a few days, so we finally made plans to get together.

However, ever since we made plans....he has been a little bit flaky.

I told him last weekend I wanted to do another video chat before our date....just one more to feel better about things. He agreed to it no problem. But, then he got caught up with some family stuff. Then, the next day, he suggested another day. Then, that day, he fell asleep. I decided not to make a big deal about it, I didn't want to make him feel bad or anything. But, it is bothersome. Bear in mind, this whole time, he has been saying he can't wait. He's looking forward to it. All this stuff.

So, we make date plans for tonight. I asked if he had any plans for tonight, (this was last week). He said no, so we made tentative plans for 8 pm. Great.

He's been under the weather, so I asked this morning how he was doing, he said he was feeling better. I asked if we were still on for tonight. His response: "Of course!" Great.

He then sends me a pic of him and some buddies in....unmistakably...suits. I'm like......uh....wedding? Yes. Today? Yes.

Huh. So, I do a little bit of sleuthing (Don't judge). I find the friend, find the wedding website. The wedding itself isn't local, it's like an hour+ away. But, better yet. The wedding is an evening wedding. The reception starts at 6:30 pm.

So.....clearly this date isn't happening.

Which makes me wonder....why did he say he had no plans today, when he had the HUGEST of plans? Why did he confirm the date, when it's obvious it's not going to happen?

From what I have read, and of course, there is no blanket statement.....but people on the spectrum, *in general* are honest to a fault and don't typically play games. Yet....I find myself incredibly confused and not sure what to believe.

And now, I'm sitting in a hotel bed sobbing over some guy. It's just pathetic. 

[Gaeta]

Yes it is pathetic but your pain is real. 

You will block him and never ever talk to him again. It will be sad for a couple of weeks then you'll be fine. Let him be someone else's problem.  He is showing you how insensitive and unreliable he is, beleive him.

Edited October 4, 2024 by Gaeta

[KamaladoesntrhymewitPamela]

Update-ish:

 

He texted me throughout the evening. Sent me a pic. Told me he was headed to the after party. Told me he was back at the hotel. I just responded that we'd talk today. Last night, I was ready to unleash almighty all over him when we talked. But I've slept, and now I don't know what to do, when we do end up talking.

Part of me wants to be even-keel about it. Just tell him I thought we had plans, send him the screenshot of said plans, and see where the conversation goes. Part of me wants to be emotional so he is able to tangibly see how hurtful behavior like that can be.

[ExpatInItaly]

I wouldn't bother communicating with him at all anymore. 

All of this would tell me that he is definitely not the man for me. I would not be interested in hearing his reasons or explaining why this is incredibly rude and thoughtless of him. 

I would simply delete and move along. 

[Gaeta]

3 hours ago, KamaladoesntrhymewitPamela said:

But I've slept, and now I don't know what to do, when we do end up talking

Seriously? Someone treats you like this and you want to "talk about it"! That's how we end up in miserable relationships. Block and move on.

[Leihla_B]

I know quite a few people who set up one or two fast meets over a drink or coffee with online strangers per week. They do these on their way home from work. If they get stood up, they finish their drink while reading the news on their phones, or they'll take their coffee with them, and go home. No harm, no foul, and no real skin off their backs.

This is the opposite of focusing on one stranger like a laser beam, building a mental fantasy about him, and then getting butt hurt when he turns out to be a flake. Skip the investment prior to meeting, and allow the flakes to screen themselves out of your dating pool. Move forward to the next person.

[stillafool]

16 hours ago, KamaladoesntrhymewitPamela said:

so I asked this morning how he was doing, he said he was feeling better. I asked if we were still on for tonight. His response: "Of course!" Great.

When he said "Of course" why didn't you ask him what time and where do we meet or are you picking me up?  I've never had a date with a guy without finding that information out first.  Also you must already like him a great deal if you broke down in tears over this.  Try not to get so invested in men you've never even dated.

Edited October 5, 2024 by stillafool

[Calmandfocused]

Please don’t talk it out with this guy. Hes not worth your tears, nor worth your time. 
 

He’s proven himself to be an unsuitable candidate before you met. Dont invest anymore in this time waster. 
 

He doesn’t deserve a second chance 

[Marka]

Please block him. You will set up yourself for a great misery if you decide continuing with him

[Leihla_B]

4 minutes ago, Calmandfocused said:

Please don’t talk it out with this guy. Hes not worth your tears, nor worth your time. 
He’s proven himself to be an unsuitable candidate before you met. Dont invest anymore in this time waster. 
He doesn’t deserve a second chance 

I agree. He's either mean or stupid. Even if he's just too much of a dolt to have figured this thing out, why would you want to involve yourself with someone you can't trust to manage himself?

[Alpacalia]

He sounds like a jerky type of guy! Run, don't walk. If he's not big enough to tell you on time that he had plans...what will it be like if you continue with him? 

Edited October 5, 2024 by Alpacalia

[Leihla_B]

1 hour ago, Alpacalia said:

He sounds like a jerky type of guy! Run, don't walk. If he's not big enough to tell you on time that he had plans...what will it be like if you continue with him? 

Exactly. If you stick around, you've confirmed that you're so desperate it's okay to mistreat you. That spells disaster for you. He'll laugh to himself that he's hooked someone who he can misuse at any time, and would be a cruel man who might even be dangerous.

[Georgia46]

So he 

 

A/ avoids a video call

B/ fell asleep 

C/ actually arranged a date day and a time & KNEW he was going to a wedding 

 

what do you you mean by on the spectrum? 
 

to me, he just sounds like a complete inconsiderate muppet … and so I feel like the best thing to do here is block and move on. 
 

He’s already made you cry once … let’s not make there a second time. 
 

hugs  

I know its hard, people can be mean and hurtful, but sometimes they teach us lessons which in time we’re glad we learnt. 

[smackie9]

You feel worthless because he didn't make the time to see you like he promised. Don't let this jerk take anymore head space. Next him. He's not a good guy. When it's this bad you kick them to the curb. He doesn't deserve a second chance or a "benefit of a doubt". Time to get your emotions in check, and move forward. 

[Acacia98]

On 10/5/2024 at 2:00 PM, KamaladoesntrhymewitPamela said:

Update-ish:

 

He texted me throughout the evening. Sent me a pic. Told me he was headed to the after party. Told me he was back at the hotel. I just responded that we'd talk today. Last night, I was ready to unleash almighty all over him when we talked. But I've slept, and now I don't know what to do, when we do end up talking.

Part of me wants to be even-keel about it. Just tell him I thought we had plans, send him the screenshot of said plans, and see where the conversation goes. Part of me wants to be emotional so he is able to tangibly see how hurtful behavior like that can be.

Reading between the lines, he sounds like someone who enjoys toying with people and causing them pain and confusion. And if you're not careful, you'll end playing a long-term role as his prey.

Do not make the mistake of confronting him and asking him why he's doing what he's doing. (Would a gazelle confront a cheetah to ask why he was hunting him down?) Block him, allow yourself time to feel sad, angry, etc., and then move on.

I don't know much about folks on the spectrum, so I may be completely wrong here. But I can't help thinking that the only reason you think you know he's on the spectrum is that's what he said. What if it turns out he was lying to you?