helena abadi Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 then there's the male player who wants your pants off and your heart and adoration. i've been there and it was the most confusing relationship i've ever had. i've never been so hurt in my life.
alphamale Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 More men than women are players. when it comes to "playing" for physical pleasures I would say yes, more men....but when it comes to "playing" for emotional pleasures I would say women grossly out number men.
loony Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 How many people are really such serious players that they would make the big effort to change their personality completely in order to win someone over? I think the worst cases I met as far were guys who liked to flirt and get the attention for an ego boost or who wanted a fling but were not really that honest about it.
Lishy Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 then there's the male player who wants your pants off and your heart and adoration. i've been there and it was the most confusing relationship i've ever had. i've never been so hurt in my life. Helena ....... Elaborate on what happened there please i am very curious! Plus it can help us girlie's to spot that type of playa
helena abadi Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 who knows how many play it so seriously? i guess i just struck it unlucky. it took me too many months to figure out what he was up to. but he played it so well. at the heart of the problem was a man who wanted my love, did love me in return, but couldn't control his impulsive behaviour. he was a good man in many ways, but i had to walk away because his audacity became clear and i couldn't stomach it. nothing hurts like infidelity, and repeated infidelity. and his lack of remorse. sometimes he thought it was sport, and then he would rethink his behaviour. but he ultimately did not change.
alphamale Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 Plus it can help us girlie's to spot that type of playa if you have not figure it out by now LISHY, then just forget it.
Lishy Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 Oh Alpha let me tell you honey this girl will not get played! I can spot them a mile off and always have been able to. That is why no one gets close to me
Lishy Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 And before you bring up my fk buddy - He didnt play me I just got feelings for him, I called the shots and told him how I wanted it - Then I changed my mind lol I wasnt played I played myself hahahhaha - (Now I am left playing with myself on a nightly basis MUHAHHAHA)
blind_otter Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 I suppose that if you ignore the warning signs then you are guilty as well. Of self-induced blindness and baseless optimism. I can honestly say that every single man I've ever been with who was abusive or a user -- I knew about it, in my heart of hearts. I just kept hoping that my pure and true love would transform them. Like Beauty and the Beast. I hate that fairytail. Let's admit it. The beast was never transformed, but Beauty kept hoping he would be until she had to get a restraining order against him because he was abusive and holding her hostage in his house. So there.
alphamale Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 I can honestly say that every single man I've ever been with who was abusive or a user -- I knew about it, in my heart of hearts. I just kept hoping that my pure and true love would transform them. Like Beauty and the Beast. well thank god that at least one female around here is honest.
helena abadi Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 Spot The Consummate Player: 1. Smooth talker, says all the right things. But not so smooth you think it's a line. Very attentive in the beginning. 2. Secretive about his cellphone use. Doesn't leave it lying around. Turns it off when he's with you, goes to another room to answer calls. 3. Sometimes, too many times, unavailable on normal dating nites. 4. Lacks emotional intimacy -- like doing activities and caring stuff not connected to sex. 5. Doesn't like surprise visits to his apartment. 6. Dresses up and goes to clubs and bars with his mates until really late. And doesn't make a ''trust'' call. 7. When out of town, neglects to call or text. 8. When you're out of town, other women are in his bed pronto. So I found out. 9. Accuses you of playing around, to offset his own guilt. 10. Doesn't recognise trustworthy behaviour from his partner, when it's obvious to a blind person. 11. Generally doesn't give much emotionally in a relationship, as it progresses. Just enough to keep you dangling. A seductive withholder. 12. Lies. He will also lie about other areas in his life, and to other people. And is comfortable about lying. 13. You never know where you stand. He's hot one moment, cold the next. 14. His talk doesn't match his actions. 15. Withholds information on his whereabouts or what he's been doing. 16. Sometimes does feel guilty, and is over-attentive as a result. Trust your gut instinct. If you sense something's not right, repeatedly, then it's not right.
helena abadi Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 and ok i admit it after i found out most of this stuff i hoped he would change, and he even spontaneously told me i had changed him. i challenged him and told him i wouldn't accept his bad boy stuff. but the changed behaviour didn't last. he's still struggling with it. i think he's finally getting kind of sick of playing around. when a player is sensitive to the pain caused, then change can occur.
LN8840K Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 maybe some people play because they are afraid of themselves and don't have any real malicious intent. the dangerous players are emotional vampires who are numb to their own feelings, and so they manipulate your feelings in order to feel anything and oftentimes the feeling they enjoy most is a broken heart
helena abadi Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 i agree with your first statement, men who are afraid of emotional intimacy, but your second statement - i haven't met any sadistic emotional vampires. good grief, do such people actually exist?? what a total waste of life.
ReluctantRomeo Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 then there's the male player who wants your pants off and your heart and adoration. i've been there and it was the most confusing relationship i've ever had. i've never been so hurt in my life. Awww honey, I hear you - I was there with the previous Juliet. It was a killer.
ReluctantRomeo Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 when it comes to "playing" for physical pleasures I would say yes, more men....but when it comes to "playing" for emotional pleasures I would say women grossly out number men. With the possible exception of narcissists, I'd say this too. And being played for emotional pleasure hurts a lot worse.
LN8840K Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 yes they do exist, and not just in campfire stories. the may not directly inflict pain most often its indirectly thats why they are hard to spot, but they do enjoy watching you suffer
country gal Posted January 7, 2006 Posted January 7, 2006 You can tell if someone is playing games - You feel it, you feel uncomfortable and unsure about things - THAT is the game! I agree completely.... look, everyone likes to be kept on their toes just a little - but ONLY a little.... if any man keeps me that much in the air about where I stand with him, I'm out faster than you can say "doh!"
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