Roosteriffic Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 A while ago, my boyfriend and I broke up. During this time he began talking to this girl named Katie, who had also just recently been through a break-up. I thought there was something going on between them. I was jealous because she seemed to be more his type, both physically and emotionally. I know for a fact he was very attracted to her. We got back together a few months later. Now things have been great since we have gotten back together. Everything feels happier and more secure. Just yesterday, everything was going great, and he told me to sign on to his email account to do something. I ran across several emails he and Katie had written back and forth and read them. One was an email he had written to her that I thought was basically saying "I know this is weird, but I really like you." I felt it was sending this message because throughout the whole email (It was long) he was complimenting her, telling her she was beautiful and glowing and had "something about her." There were more emails telling her to "call him" and "get online to chat." He talked about how he was "nervous and shy" around her and it took a lot of "courage" to finally say something to her. Coming from him, this is a very bold move that I would think would mean that he was VERY into her. He did, however, talk about me and our relationship and how it meant so much to him in the email. She was clearly not interested in dating him; I am intuitive and could tell this through her responses. Now, exactly two months later, I am having trouble coping with this. He tells me that the email he wrote "doesn't even sound like him." He claims that "even if he was interested in dating her, it only lasted a little while." I have such bad jealousy; I don't think he has ever had this much of a crush on any girl when we were dating. He claims there is nothing to worry about and that he loves me and that she doesn't even compare to me. This morning he even gave me homemade brownies and a rose, which was very thoughtful, because he knew I was upset about this. He and Katie rarely talk now apparently; they haven't spent time together in weeks. Why is it that his feelings apparently "changed"? One day he wrote her an email telling her she was beautiful and "had sometihng about her"; and then later he doesn't even talk to her anymore? It sounds ... weird. I know he loves me very much, but I can't deal with the fact that he does all of these wonderful things for me and tells me how much he wants to be with me, and just a few months ago he was trying to get with another girl (It was obvious, don't you think)? I am hurt every day because he sees this girl at school DAILY, and I wonder if he looks at her and thinks of her in a more-than-friends way. I have talked to him about this many times. He knows I am upset. He constantly assures me that nothing is going on with her and that he loves me more than anything. I think he is getting bothered and annoyed by my constant whining. But my instincts tell me he had a HUGE "crush" on her, and that bothers me, and I am afraid that "crush" isn't going away. What do you think?
bluechocolate Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 What do you think? I think the time line is important here. When did he write this email to her? Was it during the few months that you two weren't seeing each other?
mattea Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 sorry, but i think i have more questions than a response. first, were you two broken up when he was sending these emails? second, how long were you together before the break up, and do you mind saying why you broke up?
Cupcake Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 Rooster, you should clarify a few facts about your post. I too am concerned to know when he originally sent the emails. Where you two still dating? If not, then you shouldn't be concerned. Another issue, regardless of when the messages were sent, your BF gave you access to his email account. If he had anything to hide, he never would have allowed you to see that. However, it does appear as though she dumped him. I apologize, this is only my opinion. But it's normal for him to shower you with love and affection because you're all he has right now. A lot of men don't handle rejection well. They usually find something else to occupy thier time so they don't have to deal with pain. Sometimes it's work. Sometimes it's other women. Whining to him about her will make things worse. Of course it will irratate the hell out of him. DON'T do that anymore. Although you have a good reason to be insecure right now, insecurity is never attractive. He has too much pride to tell you that SHE didn't want him. And he's having a difficult time proving that he is no longer interested in her. You are in a good position to call the shots right now. You have aknowleged that the situation. Your BF knows you're not happy about it. Now you need to show that you are mature enough, and confident enough to get past this. Make sure that your self-esteem is high. Realize that the other woman is not a problem.
Author Roosteriffic Posted January 5, 2006 Author Posted January 5, 2006 To answer your questions, we were not dating at the time he was writing those emails. But in the emails he was talking about how "when he first saw her" he thought she was beautiful and wanted to talk to her and was completely nervous around her...THAT happened WHEN we were going out. But, no, he did not tell her that until after we broke up. But he did write her that email like a week after. To answer the other questions...we were together for two and a half years when we broke up. We broke up because...I was feeling insecure about his feelings for me. When I broke up with him he was crying for only the second time I had ever seen him cry in our whole relationship. He was crying and telling me how much he loved me and needed me. It really seemed to hit him hard. But I was still insecure about his feelings because before he didn't seem like he was putting much of an effort into me and our relationship. So we broke it off, and then shortly after the things with the girl started.
Mary3 Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 I think its pretty simple. He felt that way once about her. He does NOT anymore. He feels things for YOU now. Life changes...People change..Feelings change. His changed. He is INTO YOU. Not her. Stop before its too late. Let it be,.live and be happy with your man ASAP !
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