I think he's just using me for an ego boost

[Uptown182]

Had a first date last week, went well.  We’ve texted a few times since, then Sunday I notice he’s unmatched me on the dating app, so I just assumed he wasn’t interested anymore which is totally fine by me.  Then yesterday he texts asking when I’m free this week, I was hesitant in responding but then just figured why not, and responded with my availability, and he hasn’t responded since.  At this point I’m pretty turned off, I don’t know if he’s just using me for an ego boost or what (as he isn’t the most attractive guy, and I’m pretty attractive if I’m being totally honest).  I do know he’s only moved here from overseas 3 weeks ago and doesn’t even have his own place yet plus he seems to be extremely busy, which is understandable but I much prefer to date someone who has their life together.  I’m just unsure how to proceed, if I don’t hear from him again then there’s nothing for me to do.  But if he does end up texting again should I just ignore him or be honest and just say we’re not compatible? 

[Georgia46]

Sadly some people on dating sites are just there to play games.  My friend has had so much bad luck, even people going as far as setting the date and time to meet and then just going ghost and never replying again.   I don’t see the point myself in someone wasting your time genuinely getting to know you if they are messing around, but it happens. 

Umatching with you after a real date however sounds like a red flag to me. 
 

if he text you yesterday and asked if you were free, so far I would give him the benefit of the doubt, it’s only one day and I would wait to see when he replied. 
 

his texting should match his level of interest & if it’s low level then - 
 

You’ve got better things to do with your time.  
 

Remember, only princess treatment is good enough. 
 

good luck

 

[Uptown182]

5 minutes ago, Georgia46 said:

Sadly some people on dating sites are just there to play games.  My friend has had so much bad luck, even people going as far as setting the date and time to meet and then just going ghost and never replying again.   I don’t see the point myself in someone wasting your time genuinely getting to know you if they are messing around, but it happens. 

Umatching with you after a real date however sounds like a red flag to me. 
 

if he text you yesterday and asked if you were free, so far I would give him the benefit of the doubt, it’s only one day and I would wait to see when he replied. 
 

his texting should match his level of interest & if it’s low level then - 
 

You’ve got better things to do with your time.  
 

Remember, only princess treatment is good enough. 
 

good luck

 

I think the thing for me is I haven’t been that interested in him to begin with, and now these games he’s playing are just totally turning me off

[Gaeta]

15 minutes ago, Uptown182 said:

but I much prefer to date someone who has their life together.  

So why did you go on a first date at all ? Don't be your own worse ennemy.

[Uptown182]

3 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

So why did you go on a first date at all ? Don't be your own worse ennemy.

I didn’t know all this before the first date.  I knew he had only been here 3 weeks but I didn’t know how busy he was and that he was staying with a friend until he gets his own place…to be fair these are typically things you find out on the first date anyway 

Edited September 24, 2024 by Uptown182

[Gaeta]

Just now, Uptown182 said:

 I knew he had only been here 3 weeks but I didn’t know how busy he was and that he was staying with a friend until he gets his own place. 

Just that was enough to not meet him and move to next. You find the guy not attractive, he tells you he just landed in your country, you know enough to pass.

Remind yourself you're in the business of finding a boyfriend so ask question BEFORE meeting. I would not have gone on a first date without asking his status in my country, if he had a job, if he had a work permit, his living arrangement, etc

[Georgia46]

If you think he’s unattractive and you aren’t that interested, then I’m unsure why you replied when you were available. 

[Uptown182]

7 minutes ago, Gaeta said:

Just that was enough to not meet him and move to next. You find the guy not attractive, he tells you he just landed in your country, you know enough to pass.

Remind yourself you're in the business of finding a boyfriend so ask question BEFORE meeting. I would not have gone on a first date without asking his status in my country, if he had a job, if he had a work permit, his living arrangement, etc

He moved here for his job, so yes I knew he had a job.  I’ve never been on a date with someone who hasn’t had a job.  
 

[Uptown182]

4 minutes ago, Georgia46 said:

If you think he’s unattractive and you aren’t that interested, then I’m unsure why you replied when you were available. 

Attraction and interest can grow, it’s not always instant on the first date.  However I never said he was unattractive, I said I wasn’t attracted, two different things and I did find him funny so that was the appeal to me.  

Edited September 24, 2024 by Uptown182

[Georgia46]

1 minute ago, Uptown182 said:

Attraction and interest can grow, it’s not always instant on the first date.  However I never said he was unattractive, I said I wasn’t attracted, two different things.  

I agree with you totally.  
You have to get to know someone.   
someone who can make you laugh is always good 

wellll.. I’m invested now. 
I want to know if he replies and what he says

Edited September 24, 2024 by Georgia46

[stillafool]

43 minutes ago, Uptown182 said:

Had a first date last week, went well.  We’ve texted a few times since, then Sunday I notice he’s unmatched me on the dating app, so I just assumed he wasn’t interested anymore which is totally fine by me.  Then yesterday he texts asking when I’m free this week, I was hesitant in responding but then just figured why not, and responded with my availability, and he hasn’t responded since.  At this point I’m pretty turned off, I don’t know if he’s just using me for an ego boost or what (as he isn’t the most attractive guy, and I’m pretty attractive if I’m being totally honest).  I do know he’s only moved here from overseas 3 weeks ago and doesn’t even have his own place yet plus he seems to be extremely busy, which is understandable but I much prefer to date someone who has their life together.  I’m just unsure how to proceed, if I don’t hear from him again then there’s nothing for me to do.  But if he does end up texting again should I just ignore him or be honest and just say we’re not compatible? 

If you're very attractive and he isn't, plus he unmatched you and left you hanging, why do you still want to date him rather than forget him and meet a better man?

[Uptown182]

1 minute ago, happyhorizons said:

Then maybe a second date is a good idea….

Well yes that’s how I felt right after the first date, but given his unmatch on the app, and his lack of responses im changing my mind 

[Uptown182]

1 minute ago, stillafool said:

If you're very attractive and he isn't, plus he unmatched you and left you hanging, why do you still want to date him rather than forget him and meet a better man?

That’s the thing, I don’t lol.

My original post asked if he responds whether I should ignore him or just be honest and say we’re not compatible 

Edited September 24, 2024 by Uptown182

[stillafool]

2 minutes ago, Uptown182 said:

My original post asked if he responds whether I should ignore him or just be honest and say we’re not compatible

I vote for this^.

[Georgia46]

I wouldn’t ignore him, I hate people doing that to me & I just wouldn’t out of respect, it’s not nice. 
 

id wait to see what he has to say and go from there. 
 

also I know it’s nice to get an instant reply and if your like me, I love all that - but sometimes it’s important to remember that people are actually really busy/ have tons going on and can’t always reply instantly, it doesn’t mean they don’t care. 

[Gaeta]

46 minutes ago, Uptown182 said:

Had a first date last week, went well.  We’ve texted a few times since, then Sunday I notice he’s unmatched me on the dating app, so I just assumed he wasn’t interested anymore which is totally fine by me.  Then yesterday he texts asking when I’m free this week, I was hesitant in responding but then just figured why not, and responded with my availability, and he hasn’t responded since.  

This is not even 24 hours. I think you're jumping the gun a little? 

[FredEire]

It's a bit weird that you're so bothered by this that you decided to post on here about it despite not being attracted to him.

Is it that he's looking for an ego boost, or that someone you view as in a "lower league" not being that bothered about you hurt your ego?

[MsJayne]

Ignore him. He's been rude. Be rude back and get the last word by sharing no words. 

[Alpacalia]

What's the saying? All talk and no action makes Jack a dull boy. Something to that effect...

[Uptown182]

13 hours ago, FredEire said:

It's a bit weird that you're so bothered by this that you decided to post on here about it despite not being attracted to him.

Is it that he's looking for an ego boost, or that someone you view as in a "lower league" not being that bothered about you hurt your ego?

It’s that someone is undeniably blatantly rude, plain and simple.  I despise rudeness, I expect to be treated with the same respect I treat others.  

[stillafool]

Ignore him and move on.

[FredEire]

43 minutes ago, Uptown182 said:

It’s that someone is undeniably blatantly rude, plain and simple.  I despise rudeness, I expect to be treated with the same respect I treat others.  

OLD is riddled with rudeness, if I lost sleep over every time someone had ghosted me or arranged a date and didn't follow up I'd probably never sleep lol.

The point is you can't take it personally, nobody is very special on there, you're just a collection of pics and a bio and even on the first couple of dates you'll probably be an ego boost or a time pass for the vast majority of people, just something you have to accept and expect if you want to continue using it. That's modern dating for you, unfortunately.

[Alpacalia]

Maybe he unmatched you because he sensed that you were hesitant or didn't seem very interested in him. Sometimes when people feel like they are being "used" or not truly wanted, they will move on and pursue someone else. So, it's not so much a matter of him using you for an ego boost, but more so that he may not have felt like you were genuinely interested in him.

You seem kind of meh about the whole situation anyway, so just let it be and move on. If he does end up texting again, just be honest and tell him that you don't think you're compatible.

No need to waste anyone's time.

[FredEire]

13 minutes ago, Alpacalia said:

Maybe he unmatched you because he sensed that you were hesitant or didn't seem very interested in him. Sometimes when people feel like they are being "used" or not truly wanted, they will move on and pursue someone else. So, it's not so much a matter of him using you for an ego boost, but more so that he may not have felt like you were genuinely interested in him.

You seem kind of meh about the whole situation anyway, so just let it be and move on. If he does end up texting again, just be honest and tell him that you don't think you're compatible.

No need to waste anyone's time.

Agreed, what you said here could be the case or it could be a number of other things.

I think in dating, especially OLD, you have to try and rank things in terms of how much time and mental attention you want to give them.

Obviously it would be better and nicer if nothing got us down, but a breakup with a partner of 5 years for example is going to have you floored for a while and you have to accept that. Stuff like this should fall into the category of "who knows why and who really cares".

The fact that it bothered you enough to come on here and that you felt compared to negatively compare him to yourself suggests to me that you may have underlying doubts about your own worthiness. That might be more interesting and useful to explore than trying to figure out why this guy was rude.

[Uptown182]

23 minutes ago, FredEire said:

Agreed, what you said here could be the case or it could be a number of other things.

I think in dating, especially OLD, you have to try and rank things in terms of how much time and mental attention you want to give them.

Obviously it would be better and nicer if nothing got us down, but a breakup with a partner of 5 years for example is going to have you floored for a while and you have to accept that. Stuff like this should fall into the category of "who knows why and who really cares".

The fact that it bothered you enough to come on here and that you felt compared to negatively compare him to yourself suggests to me that you may have underlying doubts about your own worthiness. That might be more interesting and useful to explore than trying to figure out why this guy was rude.

I stated the facts about him, all I said was that I wasn’t that attracted to him…I can’t help the way I feel, If you interpret that as me speaking negatively of him then so be it.  And I’m sorry any blue blooded person would get a hit to the ego by someone treating them this way (it’s just a matter of whether they admit it or not), and to say that this speaks to my self worth and I have deeper issues just because his actions or lack thereof confused me is nonsense in my opinion.