Cupcake Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 Would you be more angry, disappointed, hurt, or untrusting if your BF/Husband "paid" for sex: than if he had another woman, like a girlfriend whom he spent quality time with other than you? I actually have several questions on this topic that can go in other forums, but that will take too much time. Here's my situation: Recently, I met a married man who is somewhat attractive, and very wealthy. He wasn't wearing a ring, so I didn't know he was married when I met him and gave him my number. However, he was upfront and told me, during our first phone conversation, exactly what he was looking for. He proposed that we have a sexual arrangement. He was very detailed about it giving specific days, times, and the type of sexual activities. Actually, he has a fetish in which it only involves him giving me oral sex. That's it. I really don't have to do anything. And he offered me a generous amount of money for this whole arrangement. I will be like his regular call girl. He will $pay$ me each time we meet. This man was very serious about this. He's a well respected man in his profession. I truly can't believe he made this offer to me. I'm somewhat offended by it. But he knows who I am, and he respects me enough to know that I would never be involved with a married man, and have casual sex. The amount of money is certainly not offensive. It seems to insure that our relationship remains a business deal and nothing more. He fulfills his sexual fetish, and I fill my bank account. Right now I have a couple of FWB's, but they never pay me for my services. They are in committed relationships and that's mainly why they can only be FWB with me. I don't know which is worse, cheating on your mate with someone you actually care about, or cheating on your mate with an arranged sex partner. I want to be in love with someone who loves me who won't cheat on me. I haven't found that. So I figure, damn, why not just get paid for something that I've been doing for free. But I wonder if anyone else has ever accepted this type of offer. How did it work out? Has any men on Loveshack ever made such an offer. Why did you do it? Any regrets?
slubberdegullion Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 In some cultures, paying for a sex act is called prostitution. The act and exchange of money is not technically illegal (well, not where I live, anyway), but morally it's another matter. I can see both sides of this issue, though I've never actually made such an offer myself. On the surface, it seems like a completely win-win situation. But what about the feelings that may arise a week, a month, a year or more into the future? I'm certainly no moral paragon - far from it - but I must admit that the whole scenario makes me a little uncomfortable.
Yamaha Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 This is the way players operate. They plant a seed in a womens mind and she thinks about it and many times take the bait. Since you are posting he has fulfilled his portion and has got you thinking. The question for you is: what will you do?
Author Cupcake Posted January 5, 2006 Author Posted January 5, 2006 Would you be more angry, disappointed, hurt, or untrusting if your BF/Husband "paid" for sex: than if he had another woman, like a girlfriend whom he spent quality time with other than you? Has anyone else has ever accepted this type of offer. How did it work out? Has any men on Loveshack ever made such an offer. Why did you do it? Any regrets? FWB= Friends With Benefits
Citizen Erased Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 Okay on the surface, this is a damn good proposition. Getting paid to lay back and get oral? Most people would be like... 'so, what's the problem?' However, this could never work. Why waste your time with this creep when you could be out there looking for someone who will love you, something which you have professed you want? With the exchange of money this is not just a business relationship,it's a disaster. Think about his Wife and how you would feel in her position. Honey, go out and find yourself a real man who would not even consider to disresepect you by even suggesting such a thing.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 Actually, he has a fetish in which it only involves him giving me oral sex. That's it. I really don't have to do anything. Great, so now everything's a fetish? Here is one of the most relevant definitions of "fetish": "Something, such as an object or a nonsexual part of the body, that arouses sexual desire and may become necessary for sexual gratification. " It just doesn't seem that something which, to most, already seems to be a sexual centerpiece (and in this case, perhaps the societal centerpiece too, in a way), should be labeled a fetish.
appleofmyeye Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 why can't she accept this guy's arrangment while waiting for the love of her life to come along? it is likely that she will be looking for the one for a long time. it is too bad to turn away such fun. however, i would caution safe sexual play. as in dental dams or saran wrap. men who cheat, cheat throughout their lives and often with multiple partners. so be safe for yourself always. do not read to much into his sweet talk and always treat it as a business transacation. he wants a whore with the total gf experience, so give it to him. as long as he is making your mortage payment that is. good luck.
EMJ Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 I have a friend who had a similar arrangement, though there was no cash involved. He would stop by from time to time just to service her. He wanted nothing else from her. They were on friendly terms and these "service calls" went on for a few years. Then she met the love of her life, gave up the "service provider" and is now engaged and will be married this year. She's going to laugh when I tell her that there are men who will actually pay for the privilege of getting you off! If you were a man and he were a woman your friends would think you won the lottery! So if you sure you won't get emotionally attached, and don't have any aversion to it, then go for it! And if he happens to leave some cash on the nightstand-take it. You wouldn't want to insult the man by rejecting his "gratuity".
Mz. Pixie Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 Cupcake, I'm pretty conservative but you're already having sex with some FWB's- so why not add this guy to the list and make a little cash on the side?? What I'm saying is, it wouldn't be for me, but you are not married and you are not in a relationship. If you can be comfortable with this arrangement and not feel bad for it or have it damage you emotionally, why not?? There are some men who have wives who will not let them perform oral on them. They enjoy it extremely and are frustrated not being able to do it. I actually saw a porno one time about this kind of thing and the guy just wanted to service the girl, and he paid her but it was only oral no intercourse. I would make him show me a health certificate that he had no STD's or HIV. A current one.
SueBee3490 Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 Disgusting He's married! If he wasn't married or in a relationship, then go for it. How would you feel if you were his wife? Does she know about what he wants to do? If she doesn't and would not approve of it, I wouldn't want to feel like I was an "accessory" to her heartache. Funny, in your last paragraph you say you want to be with someone who will "love you and not cheat on you". So then you know there is "pain" associated with being cheated on. But you are willing to add to another innocent woman's pain by being with her husband. Tell him to get a divorce then you'll be happy to take his money.
lilmoma1973 Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 Cheating is cheating no matter if you pay for it or not!! I would be made either way!! You should get tested as well as him to make sure that he doesn't have any std's!! You need to ask yourself if this is who you want to be with after what he done!!
morrigan Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 I agree with Mz. Pixie, make him agree to both of you being tested beforehand. Also schedule in advance when/where you will meet (if he's that wealthy he can get a hotel room, never to your house) and that the payment is handed over each time before anything actually happens. If he starts to demand more things that you're uncomfortable with, just leave and stop contacting him. It's not a bad idea to let a friend know where you will be at as well.
SueBee3490 Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 This man was very serious about this. He's a well respected man in his profession. I truly can't believe he made this offer to me. I'm somewhat offended by it. But he knows who I am, and he respects me enough to know that I would never be involved with a married man, and have casual sex. 1. He doesn't respect you 2. You would be involved with a married man 3. You would be having casual sex The number of people on this board that condone cheating is unreal. This guy is married. This is cheating. Think long and hard about this proposition before you take him up on it. I truly believe in the saying "what goes around comes around".
Author Cupcake Posted January 5, 2006 Author Posted January 5, 2006 Think long and hard about this proposition before you take him up on it. I truly believe in the saying "what goes around comes around". Cheating men are not going to simply disappear just because I choose not to accept this offer. I may refuse, and he will simply propose the deal to someone else. And as far as karma, I've already had bad luck in all my relationships. It can't get worse. But that's not the point. I've been wondering what peoples thoughts are on this type of cheating. I actually had an XBF who cheated on me with a prostitute. When I found out, I dumped him. But he tried to convince me that cheating with the prostitute was better than cheating with someone he knew and loved. Now that every man I've known has cheated on me, and all my friends BF's cheat on them as well, I believe cheating will ALWAYS happen no matter what. So I'm trying to decide if there are differences in types of cheating. Is any situation worse than the other? Should I reconsider my opinion of cheating ALWAYS happening in relationships? Personally, I had MORE problems when an XBF cheated with another woman than when the XBF cheated with the prostitute. The prostitue went away after sex and was never heard from again. But the other woman hung around until she got pregnant and made herself a part of his life, forever.
JadeStar Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 Cheating is cheating reguardless of what people want to label it as far as cheating with another with feelings involved or cheating with a prostitute. It all boils down to the same thing, cheating. Thats fine if you want friends with benifits assuming these FWB are not married. However, this guy that is married, yes he is commeting adultry, and even though you may not be married, by you being with him, you're helping him to do that. So you're apart of the adultrous process. Jade
SueBee3490 Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 Cheating men are not going to simply disappear just because I choose not to accept this offer. I may refuse, and he will simply propose the deal to someone else. And as far as karma, I've already had bad luck in all my relationships. It can't get worse. No they will not disappear just because you don't accept, but don't help him to hurt his wife. Now that every man I've known has cheated on me, and all my friends BF's cheat on them as well, I believe cheating will ALWAYS happen no matter what. So I'm trying to decide if there are differences in types of cheating. Is any situation worse than the other? Should I reconsider my opinion of cheating ALWAYS happening in relationships? Not all men cheat and I truly believe that. Look at some of the male posters on this board who would never cheat on their wives/gfs. Personally, I had MORE problems when an XBF cheated with another woman than when the XBF cheated with the prostitute. The prostitue went away after sex and was never heard from again. But the other woman hung around until she got pregnant and made herself a part of his life, forever. So what you are saying is that you want to be like the "prostitute" and just do it for money. Money doesn't cure everything. I really can't believe that someone who was cheated on would seriously have sex (and it is having sex) with a married man, knowing how his wife would feel. My ex and I divorced, though not over cheating, I often had a "feeling" that he may have cheated with an ex wife of his while with me. When I found out, it hurt even though I couldn't prove it. I used to chat with guys online and I would stop chatting with any of them that said they were married. I just felt bad for their wives. I immediately formed a low opinion of a guy that would be willing to cheat on his wife. Ask his wife if she feels less threatened if he just sees you and pays you for oral sex as opposed to having a real relationship with another woman. Maybe he's also willing to pay for his wife to be satisfied by another man while he's with you. Treat others as you want to be treated.
Author Cupcake Posted January 5, 2006 Author Posted January 5, 2006 So what you are saying is that you want to be like the "prostitute" and just do it for money. Money doesn't cure everything. I really can't believe that someone who was cheated on would seriously have sex (and it is having sex) with a married man, knowing how his wife would feel. Ask his wife if she feels less threatened if he just sees you and pays you for oral sex as opposed to having a real relationship with another woman. Maybe he's also willing to pay for his wife to be satisfied by another man while he's with you Exactly!! I would love to know exactly how the wife feels about it. Of course I can't ask her. But I posted to see how other people veiwed the situation. Like everyone else, I prefer to have a man who is faithful to me. But if he's going to cheat, I'd rather it be with a prostitute. If this man's wife is like me, she wouldn't be hurt at all by the arrangement. I guess I'm wondering what are the odds that a lot of people out there think the same as I do !!!
michelangelo Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 If you have no reason to think otherwise, your best bet is to assume the wife of this guy who's offered you a paid-for sex role with him is going to be hurt by his infidelity. Yeah sure, there will be people posting immediately after me stating that I'm wrong to assume that. However, let's work with the common sense approach, shall we? Every single wedding I've attended and know about in outside of Muslim countries and sneakier parts of Utah involves an oath of faithfulness to ONE spouse. Question: If you accept money for sex, can you life with being a whore? If not, then don't consider it. This is in addition to any consideration for helping some guy cheat on a presumably innocent party--his wife.
ColoradoGal Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 the fact that there are married men out there that are making offers like that to other women or the fact that so many of you think she should go for it?
amerikajin Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 Wouldn't do it. If she ever found you out the full story, she get could really, really nasty...like calling the IRS and having you busted for tax evasion (I'm assuming you're not going to declare this income). And it's not like she wouldn't have the incentive to get nasty. As for prostitution, hey everyone, we all know, you don't pay for a girl to come to bed, you pay for her to leave once you're finished. Never done it myself, but if it's two consenting adults and they're taking the right precautions, it's not my business.
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