SmoochieFace Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 Time will tell if what I want matters!!! Uh, it should ALWAYS matter!!! I am always down on myself. I am in constant battle telling myself I'm ok. I'm acceptable. I'm good. I'm caring. There's nothing wrong with my morals or values. This isn't about your morals and values. This IS about how you feel about yourself and whether or not you are ready for a *real* relationship. My opinion is that you really aren't ready for the *real deal*. I don't think he can bring me down any lower then I already have been and also bring me any lower then I already have experienced with others. He is the lessor of all the evils thusfar. But can he lift you up? Isn't THAT what relationships are about - being with someone who can add POSITIVE things to an already positive life? I honestly do not see him being the one for you as he will you keep you where you are presently or drag you down even more. Sorry. You say "he is the less(e)r of all the evils thusfar." Still makes him *evil* then, right? Why are you settling?
SmoochieFace Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 Oh lordy, girl! If ever there was a pitifully lame reason to be with someone, this would be it!!! *shaking my head* Just like my XW's mother... to a T. She would rather be with a shyt (and she has been with a few and still is with one) than be alone... lowest damn self-esteem I have ever seen in a woman. *sigh*
Lishy Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 *shaking my head* Just like my XW's mother... to a T. She would rather be with a shyt (and she has been with a few and still is with one) than be alone... lowest damn self-esteem I have ever seen in a woman. *sigh* Too many women are like this Smoochie And where Pada has been told since teething that she is useless and will amount to nothing she will battle on longer than most as the fear of 'another failure' overcomes her intuition to get the hell out. She will stay with a guy until it becomes physically unbearable and has done untold damage. That is the price we pay for the parents we are given! Only Pada can break the mould but she is too scared and doesnt think, deep down, that she is worth it. That is why she makes excuses and that is why she will remain in this situation with men. It kills me to read her excuses.
SmoochieFace Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 Too many women are like this Smoochie And where Pada has been told since teething that she is useless and will amount to nothing she will battle on longer than most as the fear of 'another failure' overcomes her intuition to get the hell out. She will stay with a guy until it becomes physically unbearable and has done untold damage. That is the price we pay for the parents we are given! Only Pada can break the mould but she is too scared and doesnt think, deep down, that she is worth it. That is why she makes excuses and that is why she will remain in this situation with men. It kills me to read her excuses. And that's all the more reason she needs to drop this dude... quick. She has a lot of work to do for herself before she is ready for a real relationship. She IS worth it - she just needs to cast out her demons before seeking out a relationship with a *real man*- not some controlling and manipulative alkie.
Lishy Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 I agree my love! But she won't. She will stay until he has done his worst! This is only 3 months into it - He has years to beat her down! 1
SmoochieFace Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 This is only 3 months into it - He has years to beat her down! Yeah, exactly. Three months is a drop in the bucket - and the cracks are already starting to appear. What in the hell will it be like THREE YEARS from now? Just like before, I bet.
Author basscatcher Posted January 6, 2006 Author Posted January 6, 2006 I guess I just dont sense a big enough issue yet to bail. Maybe I am in denial or blind at this time. I see him only wanting enhance my life. *I can't afford to buy things for myself and he knows I would like to but cant so he choses to do it as a gesture of kindness. *He likes tatoos and peircings and suggested he would like to get me them but I am not currently interested in them. *I can't afford most pampering things for myself so he would like to do them for me cause he knows I don't dislike the ideas but I just can't do them for myself. *I haven't asked him to directly help me pay my bills. I have only teased him about it playfully. He made a comment one time I will be ok but I didn't elaborate on that. My guess is if I have survived on my own this far I will continue to make ends meet. With him paying for new clothes, drinks, food etc when we go out I won't have to pay for those things myself therefor I will have a little more money to put towards my bills. (Tax returns are just around the corner also so I will be sitting good when I file that...) I don't think this is a cliff or a huge mountain. I don't see a huge dangers. If I do, you can be sure I will bail.... I always have.. Its only been 3 months TODAY we have been dating and he has been very tentitive, caring, generous, kind and sweet. I will eventually meet his XW and maybe even run into his Xgf. he said so himself it WILL happen one of these times when we are out.. Many of you have stated some very valid points and those are things I will consider and watch for. I came here to get feedback, viewpoints, and opinions. I definelty got them. I don't see myself as the type to allow a man to railroad me over anymore. I have developed a backbone and I know when its gone to far... I get called a biatch all the time because I have no tolerance for being pushed around by anyone..
Author basscatcher Posted January 6, 2006 Author Posted January 6, 2006 Materially. Maybe that is the only area he is willing to sacrafice right now. To take a risk at. He recently broke it permanetly off with his on and off xgf of 3 yrs and before her he was with his XW. I would logically think he would scared to invest himself again too soon. Money to him isn't as dangerous as his heart!!
newbby Posted January 6, 2006 Posted January 6, 2006 I see him only wanting enhance my life. *I can't afford to buy things for myself and he knows I would like to but cant so he choses to do it as a gesture of kindness. *He likes tatoos and peircings and suggested he would like to get me them but I am not currently interested in them. *I can't afford most pampering things for myself so he would like to do them for me cause he knows I don't dislike the ideas but I just can't do them for myself. *I haven't asked him to directly help me pay my bills. I have only teased him about it playfully. He made a comment one time I will be ok but I didn't elaborate on that. My guess is if I have survived on my own this far I will continue to make ends meet. With him paying for new clothes, drinks, food etc when we go out I won't have to pay for those things myself therefor I will have a little more money to put towards my bills. (Tax returns are just around the corner also so I will be sitting good when I file that...) all the things he is paying for are things that he wants you to have. fair enough, but at least recognise that that is what it is rather than thinking he is enhancing your life with it. if you were not with him, would it matter to you whether you had all these clothes that he likes seeing you in? the meals and drinks are those you have with him, right?
Author basscatcher Posted January 6, 2006 Author Posted January 6, 2006 all the things he is paying for are things that he wants you to have. fair enough, but at least recognise that that is what it is rather than thinking he is enhancing your life with it. if you were not with him, would it matter to you whether you had all these clothes that he likes seeing you in? the meals and drinks are those you have with him, right? I would like these things if I could afford them. I WOULD do them for myself if I could but I can't.. I don't NEED them. but I do like them. I just am not used to someone doing all this for me. It overwhelms me. Anything overwhelming is uncomfortable..
Author basscatcher Posted January 9, 2006 Author Posted January 9, 2006 all the things he is paying for are things that he wants you to have. fair enough, but at least recognise that that is what it is rather than thinking he is enhancing your life with it. if you were not with him, would it matter to you whether you had all these clothes that he likes seeing you in? the meals and drinks are those you have with him, right? We talked this weekend again more about some of these situations. When I asked him why he always feels like he has to buy me stuff he returned a question "If you could would you buy the stuff I give you?" of course I said 'Yes, I would if I could but I never have been able too." He then asked me if what he buys me is what I would buy for myself. I again said yes he buys the style and taste I like. He said then why do I complain that he buys me stuff when its stuff I like, its my type of style. He told me he has observed me and he knows what I like. (and he does.!!) He told me he likes to buy stuff for me because he can there is no string a no reason just that he wants too and he likes too. He likes to shop. As for actions speaking louder then words*+*+*+*+* His actions are sweeter, he has become more tentative when we are together. He is becoming more open with sharing with me his past and what kind of hell he lived through. If his story is true then I can understand why he is so distant and doesnt show much affection. He is scared of being taken for a ride again.. He doesn't want to become emotionally attached and then being taken to the cleaners again by a money hungry woman who is going to play on his heart to get his $$. (and people a prenep didn't help him.--the courts didn't even consider it.. He lost 1/2 his inheritance...) So he is changing... He is opening up more, he is expressing himself more, he is a little more touchy feely cuddly then before. When we were out with my friends we were all visiting and i looked at him and he was smiling and rubbing my low back listening to my gfs and I chat about men and life.. He told me when he had my attention ' I think I'm falling in love with you.' I was shocked, I think my eyes must have popped out of my head and I didn't know what to say. I just stared at him in shock. His face turned red and he was smiling from ear to ear. He tickled me and said turn and drink your water. (I was making him uncomfortable because of my stare and shock.. I never expected him to say anything like that for at least another month or two.. We spent the whole weekend together inseparetable until last night. He was very differnt in a good way with me. He didn't even suggest shopping or anything. We just had a really nice weekend. He told me that he doesn't say those words easily or in haste. So time will tell.. I can't help but think some peoples opinions on this thread are a little bit overboard and because of peoples past and experience they overjudge others. Charlie always asks me what I would like to do, what I would like to eat, where I would like to go. etc etc. He asks my friends what they would like .. He doesn't show any signs of being controlling.. I've been involved with controlling men and family members and this man shows NO signs of it. So as for the clothes he buys--If I could I would buy the clothes he is picking out. Not the brand name but the styles I really like and they are my style. As for food and drinks when we go out, he does pay for everything. He wont let me pay. He tells me 'you cant afford to pay and it doesnt affect me to pay so your not paying.' I have posed these questions I have asked everyone here to my gfs and especially the friends who have meet Charlie and have been around him for long periods of time and they all say they see nothing bad in him other then he is shy and afraid to show his feelings. They all say knowing his past that anyone who would have gone through what he has would be like him too... Time will tell but right now the flags that are there are small..... very small...
alphamale Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 He told me he likes to buy stuff for me because he can there is no string a no reason just that he wants too and he likes too. ... PADA, you should be old enuf to know that there are always strings attached to everything in life. He's feeding you a line of krap.
Author basscatcher Posted January 9, 2006 Author Posted January 9, 2006 PADA, you should be old enuf to know that there are always strings attached to everything in life. He's feeding you a line of krap. What makes you so sure that he has some alterier motive behind his actions?
alphamale Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 What makes you so sure that he has some alterier motive behind his actions? because no one gives you anything without wanting something back. that is the way of the world. most people over the age of 30 realize this fact.
SmoochieFace Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 because no one gives you anything without wanting something back. that is the way of the world. most people over the age of 30 realize this fact. I agree with this. One hundred percent pure altruism, IMO, doesn't exist.
Author basscatcher Posted January 9, 2006 Author Posted January 9, 2006 because no one gives you anything without wanting something back. that is the way of the world. most people over the age of 30 realize this fact. What could I possibly give him but myself. I have nothing material to give. I have nothing I will gain to be able to take.. All I have to offer is myself. He and I both agree neither of us really want anymore kids so I won't be intentionally popping out babies for him, I have no money or inheritance. All I can do is love, cook, clean, and care.. That is it. I do have half a brain which might help him somewhere down the road but one can never tell. All I want is love.. I want to be cared for, taken care of, loved, cherished, respected. Dont you?? Wouldn't it be great if we could be ourselves with no mask and be accepted and loved for who we are?? Don't you believe that can exhist?
Art_Critic Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 because no one gives you anything without wanting something back. that is the way of the world. most people over the age of 30 realize this fact. Pada.. I'm with Alpha on this one.. He is buying you stuff for control.. I will guarantee you that if you ever break up you will hear the words.." after all I have done for you " or " after all I have given you " You need to not take any more of his gifts..Tell him that you are not comfortable taking them.. If he refuses to stop then you have your answer.. that it isn't love..
SmoochieFace Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 I want to be cared for, taken care of, loved, cherished, respected. Do you do those things for yourself?
alphamale Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 All I have to offer is myself. that is what he wants...yourself. and he's trying to buy it.
Art_Critic Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 All I want is love.. I want to be cared for, taken care of, loved, cherished, respected. Dont you?? But at what cost ?? No I won't sell myself or my emotions for "things"
alphamale Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 But at what cost ?? No I won't sell myself or my emotions for "things" I will, but only for big ticket items...
Art_Critic Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 I will, but only for big ticket items... A lexus ??
alphamale Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 A lexus ?? yeah like a fully loaded RX330 SUV or the LS400 sedan 1
Author basscatcher Posted January 9, 2006 Author Posted January 9, 2006 Do you do those things for yourself? Yes but it is also nice to have a partner that can give me that too as well as accept it from me.
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