foolinlove Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 Hello All, Just wanted to wish everyone best wishes in the New Year, been a while since I've posted here, decided to give it a break for a while...making myself crazy with doubt and wonder. For those of you who don't know...MM moved out a while ago....working on D. A few weeks int ohis moving out, he called me like he does every night, says hes going to bed. I went to visit my parents later that evening that live a mile or two from him. I decided to drive by his house, he was not there! Drove another 15 miles to his W home, he was there. He lied to me! He called me the next day and I tore into him....never wanted to speak to him again, he broke my trust....I was DONE! A week later I decided to give him another chance he stayed at other house for a week.... Fast forward to last night...I am still driving by his house every night to make sure he is staying there. I can't help it but I still don't trust him, and I feel the only way I can get my trust back is to SEE with my own two eyes that he is infact staying there. So he calls me today, PISSED, asks why I'm checking on him (he must have seen me), asked me if I know how that makes him feel. I said you br oke my trust...I can't help it. Wait, first he asked if i drove by..i said NO! I then lied to him and broke his trust. Not EVEN close to the same circumstances, but same principal. Have a crossed the line? Is checking up on him wrong? If that is what it takes for me to trust him? He has stayed there for the last two months, no lies but I still can't get past the face he had lied before...and could do it again. You see, he had left for 11 months before only to go back to W for 4 more months....I can't take another heartbreak like that. Am I crazy? Does he have a right to be so mad? Where do we go from here? Thanks all!
JadeStar Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 Ok so theres lying going on, no trust, You even said you didn't want to go through another heartache. I would say its time to move on. Don't waste your time and energy on someone that you feel you can not trust. Find someone that you can trust and that you feel you do not have to drive by and check up on them, its really wasting away part of your life that you could be using in a meaningful relationship. Just my 2 cents. Jade
slubberdegullion Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 Have a crossed the line?Yes. Is checking up on him wrong?Yes. Am I crazy?Probably not but your actions aren't rational. Does he have a right to be so mad?Yes. Where do we go from here?You don't. Re-establishing trust on both sides is extremely difficult, but frankly from what I've read here it's probably not going to be successful.
whichwayisup Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 The man cheated on his wife and has left her for you. Question will always be, can you trust him 100%? Get used to this. Just because he left her not too long ago doesn't mean that it is over completely between them. Sorry to say that. I think you will always have trust issues with this man.
Free Spirit Posted January 5, 2006 Posted January 5, 2006 OKay, so why was he at his w house in the middle of the night when he was supposed to be at his parents? You did not mention that reason (excuse) that he gave you? Don't let him turn this around on you to take the heat of what he is probably doing behind your back. What you need ask yourself is "why do I drive by his house?" Your answer......don't trust him right? Does a piece of paper signed to finalize a divorce really change your trust? I mean, he cheated before when he was married right? Follow your gut and what it is telling you girl.
Sami_D Posted January 9, 2006 Posted January 9, 2006 Your gut was telling you right that first night that he wasn't telling the truth. That's why you drove past his house. I say ~ follow your gut instincts. The man has lied to you. And for what..? Who cares if you 'crossed a line'... you found out that he was lying. Did he give you a good reason for that lie? What was it?
Author foolinlove Posted January 10, 2006 Author Posted January 10, 2006 Would I trust this man in the future? Yes, I without a doubt think that if he and I were to commit to each other then he would be faithful. I know it sounds unlikely since he did cheat on W, but I know him. We have been involved for YEARS, my fear is not my trust in him, but his trust in me. I am much younger than he, and I fear he would be very insecure as he thinks he maybe also. As far as him being at her house that night, he had no excuse...he said he felt like a ass and hates to hurt someone. Her health has been giving her problems and she had an attack (throws up, gets dizzy) and he felt responsible, because not even a few days before this, he told her he wants a divorce and he is going to be with me! My insecurity NOW, comes from his back and forth with her. He wants out, he has tried to get out, but she won't give up. She won't stop holding onto a hope that they could work, which I can totally understand and don't blame her for...she loves him! He has been out of the house for months, and since my last post, I quit checking up on him.....I said to myself that it is totally in his hands now and I have to work on being secure with his new found freedom. I just wish for this to all be over with one way or another.....a divorce or a goodbye to me! Its so hard to sit in limbo for someone you love to come to terms with their life. It doesn't help I am half his age and in his words....too good for him. I want what is best for both of us, and if i'm not it....so be it!
Sami_D Posted January 10, 2006 Posted January 10, 2006 As far as him being at her house that night, he had no excuse...he said he felt like a ass and hates to hurt someone. My issue would be... why did he feel he had to lie to me about it. That's just not acceptable. I wouldn't put up with that. For everything else ... sounds like excuses. She's ill? She's not his responsibility any longer. And if he REALLY thinks she is... then he should include you in it too. HE HAS to get out of this habit of lying and juggling two women. Because it's a very bad, destructive habit... destructive to the two of you being happy. Going back to your original post, and his complaining that you don't trust him... well yes. No wonder you don't.. he's lying and conniving still. And he has to stop it. You have to let him know that it's not acceptable to you.
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