Me (29M) and my ex boyfriend (42M) had sex for the first time in months

[SDarko95]

I recently started hanging out with my ex after some time apart and it’s been a really confusing time for me. 

(Context)

I met this guy online and we hooked up and initially I thought that’s all it was gonna be. I think around this time we had met about three times. The third time he invited me over to house which I accepted. At the time I was under the impression he was in an open relationship with another man. But I got a really weird vibe after our hook up and decided to ask a bit about his partner and quickly found out it was a girl and he was married and she knew nothing about his experiences with men. 

I was pretty upset about this and asked him to give me space until he figured out his stuff with his marriage. 

Fast forward a couple months, he texts me and lets me know he broke off his marriage with his wife and had moved out and really wanted to see me. I was pretty taken back by this cause it was new territory for me and I felt a bit like a home wrecker. But seeing how I’ve never the person and didn’t know anything about their relationship. I decided to give him another chance. 

Fast forward again a couple months, we were now then dating and spending a lot of time together. I even introduced him to some of my family who had come into town to visit me. I thought things were going great but he like started getting distant after a while and I was getting confused about it. I asked him if everything was okay and he just kept saying he was busy and was stressed with work. I didn’t think much of it after that and we continued to see each other. I kind of knew though in the back of my mind something was going on still that he wasn’t telling me especially considering how we met and evolved. One day after leaving his place I decided to check my online app that we had met on and seen that he was online and had completely changed his profile around which made me really upset. I confronted him about it via text and he just kind of made lame excuses about him just checking the app and going on when he was bored. It really bothered me though and made me lose trust in him. I continued to see him for a little longer after that but of course started keeping tabs on his online presence which really caused a really big rift in our connection because it seemed to me like he was actively seeing other people well dating me. I finally got tired of it one day and really grilled him about and whether or not he actually wanted a relationship with me. At this post I was pretty head over heels for him and in love. 

He made another really lame excuse about how when he was seeing girls he would date multiple of them at a time and that he felt like that was a normal thing to do. Of course I was really uncomfortable with it and felt like I was being lied too for months and being used as an outlet into the gay community. For whatever dumb reason I continued to see him and of course ended up getting really hurt in the end by some of his crappy actions and how he was treating me by the end of the year we had spent together. I honestly by this time felt like I was losing my mind. 

I ended up going back home to another state for a month or two but decided I would come back around his birthday in February. During this time he would text me and tell me sweet nothings about he was thinking of me and missed which gave me false hope we would get back together. I ended up coming back to my apartment in the city and asked him if I could see him for his birthday, to my surprise he was really adamant about agreeing to see me and kind of flat out refused to go out with me for his birthday. I was really hurt by this and stopped talking to him for a bit again. But then of course  he texted me and asked if we could talk in person, we did and he let me know he wasn’t really interested in dating me anymore but that he wanted me in his life and still wanted to cuddle and have sex. I don’t know why I agreed to this but I did and it was oaky for a little bit but the lack of consistency made me really upset and my response to this ended up pushing him away further. We decided we weren’t gonna hook up anymore but still hang out. 

Fast forward again to this past weekend, we hung out for the first time in what felt like a long time. During our hangout he ended up trauma dumping on me about he was concerned he might of made a mistake breaking off his marriage and that he found him self really missing her but he was unsure he wanted to be back with her due to reasons for the break up. I tried my best to be there for him during this talk and gave him the little advice of understanding that I could give. The day went on and we’re at this party dancing and I was hoping he was going to dance with me cause that was our thing but it just didn’t happen and he kept a lot of space from me on the dance floor. About half way through the night he like randomly presented concert tickets for a Kygo show later in the night, and asked me if I wanted to go with him. I was pretty confused why he was asking me to go with him because to me it felt like he was asking me on a spare of the moment date. We ended up going and the show of course was really romantic but again he continued to keep his space from me and didn’t even make any moves on me even though most of the couples around us were making out and holding each other. Well we were just kind of awkwardly standing together, there was these girls at some point who came up next to us and he like blatantly started flirting with them in front of me and told them they were hot, at this point I was upset again  and went to the back of the room without telling him anything in hopes he would take the hint that I was upset and come find me of course this didn’t happen and we didn’t see each other again until the end of the show. He pretended to be pretty oblivious about it and I of course didn’t really want to stir the pot or cause a scene at the end of our day together so I didn’t say anything about my concerns. I ended up going back to his house with him and he finally made a pass at me when we’re alone and we ended up having sex and I spent the night. Morning came and we ended up having sex again and then I went home after thanking him for spending the day with me and taking me to the show. I was kind of half expecting him to text me and at least say something to me about our day together but he didn’t and I checked my app again and of course was online most of the day at home I’m assuming. 

Anyways im not really sure what to do, I don’t want to just completely block him out of my life but I have been crying non stop today out of confusion guilt and hurt.

Can some of you please give me some welcoming advice? 

Sorry this post was so long but it’s really been a journey with this person and our break up and it’s left me in a really fragile state.

[ExpatInItaly]

9 hours ago, SDarko95 said:

I don’t want to just completely block him out of my life

You may not want to, but you need to. 

He's a miserable presence in your life, and doesn't have the same feelings for you that you have for him. You see him as a potential boyfriend, when he obviously just sees you as a guy to pass his time with between other people.  It's not going to develop into an actual healthy relationship.

Please, get rid of him in every way and on every platform. You are doing yourself a serious disservice by allowing him to styay in your orbit.