copeing with moods & not know where i am!

January 4, 2006

Hi

The girl i met is moody & often seems not there or disinterested & i do all the work. Maybe i try too hard!

We spent 3 days moving too fast when we met & it was great, everything! Then i didn't see her in 2 weeks as she wanted to cool down!

Then she decided to be just friends, however she tells me not to talk of the future, just to go with it & see what happens.

I'm going to her country soon, i hastily booked it as how it went the first fiew days, made me think we would be a couple! & we just had day out to get my passport & she said friends,, just friends as days before, we kissed a lot & she guessed i wanted to carry on at usual speed!

She said, just friends

Friends don't kiss or hugg likewe did, she slept on me on the bus, so confusing.

Each time we meet in past days, we end up holding hands & kissing, in town etc.

She was annoyed & mad at me, when she i got a vibe to kiss her more passionately on the bus & questioned her on wether staying at mine was for convinience, rather than to be with me!

She leaft this morning in a huff & mad at me!, said nothing.

She says i kissed her, but she didn't back off!. It was so full on when we met & now she doesn't want a relationship, but to be friends, but when she kissed me 1st time, it was when i told her how good it would be in her county tohether.

I do tend to question things, when i should just go with the flow, maybe i ruin it when i question motives, i just am confused & can't cope with her on/off signals! Is she a tease!

Is time & patience the thing here! Maybe i'll not see her again, i annoyed her, but how we were that day, was so good & leaft me, as usual, high & getting hopes up!

Help

cg

January 4, 2006

Sounds like she needs to get a grip.

Either she's playing games with you or she really and truly has mood swing issues. But regardless of the reasoning, isn't it good that you found out about this before you really got seriously involved?

Better cut her loose, dude...

January 4, 2006

She is moody, she's mid-european, but should have i confronted her with the "whats the score" question?

She says i shouldn't be too serious, but we get on well & hate getting hopes up!

Why did she get mad last night, maybe because i ruined the good day by questioning things, but i did & maybe regret it, i just needed to know why she let me kiss her, putt arm round her & then before told me on phone we were just friends.

I got vibes that if we act ok & don't mention 'us', something will come of it, just not questioning things, why's, but's etc!

Thats me & i shouldn't do it!

If i hadn't opened my mouth, there wouldn't have been all that silence last night & this morning, i hated it!

I should ride the wave, instead of asking stuff!

cheers

cg

January 4, 2006

Dude, I lived with a woman like this for over a decade, so trust me when I tell you this: You are on your way to heartbreak and exhaustion.

If you ask her what's wrong, she'll clam up and won't say anything and accuse you of butting in to her business, etc. etc.

But if you don't say anything, then you're a cold-hearted b@st@rd without respect for her feelings.

Regardless, she'll play the victim no matter what you do.

It's probably not deliberate, in the sense that she's doing this because she knows it reels you in. More likely, she had lap-dogs for boyfriends before who danced around her moods to keep her happy, and consequently she lost all respect for them.

Nothing wrong with trying to keep your lady happy, but if it's ruining you or ruining the relationship, then you're in for a rough ride.

You're not her therapist.

January 4, 2006

...there is nothing more you can do for them. I didn't know quite what she wanted, so I gave her everything I had to give....and now I'm tapped out.

That is the single MOST painful feeling I have right now about my ex. And it steeps me in sadness when I dwell on it.

Damn it! But I still love her...

January 4, 2006

We are both problematic, her with her moods & me with my pushyness.

I know it started too fast & i get my hopes up & get close fast, maybe a bit too much & can't stop thinking of her.

She isn't like that, she's not emotional in relationship situations!

I think about her & what we did those 1st 3 days & it was unbelievable, even yesterdays trip out, just at the end, when we'd been friends, but she allowed me to kiss her which i don't know if is right! I got the wrong impression.

I felt gutted & am scared i annoyed her to the limit that she won't get back to me, she said she will, but i think too much & hate how i handle things, relationships!

Ok, she's moody & hard sometimes, but why did she say 'friends' & then always allow me to kiss her & we flirted & how she slept on me, holding me around my neck as i kissed her head!

Did she lead me on, she says she did in past & felt guilty.

Is it ok to be friends & be that way, or maybe she's unsure & keeps trying to see if she's comfortable with it.

She said i don't listen & if i kept going on about it, it would push her away! Now i want to ask her if i have!!!

Should i wait for her? Maybe , like Geoffrey, i gave too much love, was too nice & let her see i would jump whenever she shouted, & this is what we get! Trodden on, but as Geoff says, i still love her!

cg

January 4, 2006

Hey CG,

doesnt sound like you're making much progress with this woman. I think its time to 'man-up' a bit and set some boundaries. She's definitely messing with your head...but you're letting. If she says "we're friends" make her mean it. Don't be her toy. Right now the message you're sending her loud and clear is you have no boundaries you are willing to make her respect. So she can say one thing, do another and watch you go round in circles in your head. Which is what your email give me the impression you are doing. Make her choose. If its friends, make her respect that, and by extension respect you. If she wants more...well...lets hope she doesnt because you guys have lost all emotional equilibrium and you're not going to get than back without a lot of space and personal reflection. If you keep pursuing this woman your posts are going to keep reading the same. I think you know this. I think you should call it a day and send her on her way. Then go and get your self respect back and make sure you hang onto it really tight going into your next relationship...

good luck my friend

salmagundi

January 4, 2006

Salmagundi, hey.

I'm supposed to be off to Estonia with her next week, i booked it after 3 days as we were so getting on, it was spontaneous, exciting & crazy.

I do feel like what you say, i gotta act like a friend, not try more, then she got a choice as to wether she changes that, & in return, she'l respect me more, all is sense, i just hope i aint bown it! Gotta show her though!

All this makes me think of words to 'when a man loves a woman', does foolish things & acts peculiar, maybe infatuated i don't know, it was reciprocated though!

Maybe a mail telling her i respect her wises, i just don't want no bad vibes before this trip & like you say, then she has a choice.

Cheers

cg

January 6, 2006

I'm needing to know things about our trip, but feel i shouldn't be in contact! When she leaft in a huff, i asked her to be in contact & she said she would! I just don't know where i am! We go on the 15th.

Is it just me being impatient, i mean i saw her on Tuesday & Wednesday.

We are great together & we both have time at the moment, we are supposed to be going some long walks & having some fun, thats what we planned! i can't get why she won't get in touch!

January 6, 2006

you are being a pushover which no woman respects. its not just men who like a challenge. maybe she isnt ready for a relationship, but she will be quite happy to have you around boosting her ego. she doesnt want a relationship with you.

believe me, i have been this girl, and i'm not proud of it. i can however give you some insight. she probably liked you at first, but then you became far too easy for her. she no longer had to guess what you were thinking. now you are questioning her on everything she does. nobody likes to feel guilty and feel like their freedom is being taken away.

it may be too late, but, you need to stop trying to please. you cant do this by acting a part. even if you heed my advice you will be acting. all you can do at this point is to really make a decision to accept it.

i'm trying to see some hope for you but i dont think there is any. think back to any girl who has been into you but she played it all wrong and your feelings fizzled out.

use this as a l;earning experience. we all mess up sometimes. nobody likes people being pushy with them and who can blame them? would you likee somebody questioning your every move? when you stop trying to make moves on her it will probably be a little blow to her ego. she will probably start flirting with you or even kissing you, at least give signals that its okay for you to kiss her. this is only to keep her ego fed and should not be confused with any real desires on her part. it is up to you what you do with this information but the best thing would be to just be friends and give up hopes of more or better still cancel the trip and say goodbye to the money, better yet, if you have paid for the entire trip, take someone else instead. it sounds mean, but its self preservation. forget her. its not going to happen.

sorry,

but at least learn for next time. you have to control your impulses to ask girls all the time what is going on. its not a small thing, its a real passion killer. learn to feel more confident in yourself without needing constant reassurance. if you cant be more confident at least be quiet about it.

be positive. learn something

please feel free to ask any questions.

be strong.

January 6, 2006

Newby your right, the 1st 3 days we were lovers & was going well & then she probab;ly realised i was at her foot!

When we're together, there's none of the things you say, it's only when i think thins arent going how i think!

I have been paying for meals when out, paying for this & that as a gentleman, not wanting her to pay, how would i feel if i asked her to pay!

I hope what you say is right by me not contacting her being a blow to her ego, i won't contact her, but i need to soon as we are going together to her country, or she will contact me! Yes, i agree, asking girls is a passion killer, but only the 1st 3 days was passion.

Why did she say 'friends' & then let me kiss her, is she a co*k teaser. I dunno.

I never questioned every move, she said she was a bitch for leading me on, i mean if a girl lets you kiss her on the lips & hold her, you think your in with a chance, maybe she doesn't know what she wants!!

I know she is lonely here & if i do NC she may come back to me, i was just annoyed & confused at why she said friends & then allowed me to hug her like we did & kiss on lips!

I have to stop trying to please her, i have been paying for everything & i get nothing, but i am not trying to buy her affection, just being the guy!

I hope your right Newby, cheers!

cg

January 6, 2006

Newby your right, the 1st 3 days we were lovers & was going well & then she probab;ly realised i was at her foot!
When we're together, there's none of the things you say, it's only when i think thins arent going how i think!
I have been paying for meals when out, paying for this & that as a gentleman, not wanting her to pay, how would i feel if i asked her to pay!
.....I have to stop trying to please her, i have been paying for everything & i get nothing, but i am not trying to buy her affection, just being the guy!
I hope your right Newby, cheers!
cg

Uh can I ask you something because I'm just skimming through the last few posts, but are you going on a trip with a girl you just met recently..and to where? And who's paying for the trip? Something sound odd in this scenario, and she's not talking to you as of late?

January 6, 2006

No, she had her trip booked before, i bought ticket to join her as the 1st 3 days went well, soooo well, she invited me!

I'm paying for myself & i'm going with her to Estonia.

We had a whirlwind time in those 3 days, i booked, as i like to travel, but i assumed it would be us as a couple going, not friends!

When i told her of how i imagined us, romantically walking in her town whilst in this 3 day whirlwind, she kissed me for 1st time & said she wanted it too!

I get what you think, that i'm buying all for her, but i'm going with her, paying for myself & was hoping what happened, would carry on.

When we dated, she offered to pay fior meals etc, i am old fashioned & said i'd pay, is that bad!, should i let her!

But i know what you think!

January 6, 2006

It's not possible to know what I think because I don't even know what I'm thinking..don't jump to conclusion and get all defnsive and stuff. I'm just clarifying before I put in my 2 cents. Or dime.

But...as In my previous post, I pulled quotes from what you wrote particulary,

for example this one:

i have been paying for everything & i get nothing, but i am not trying to buy her affection, just being the guy!

I don't know, sounds like all the drama is being created by you. You seem to be expecting someone to act accordingly to what you put in? Why? If you have been paying then be a gentleman and don't expect anything from it. OR, don't do it. Because by expecting her to be grateful you will always be disappointed. Strings should not come attached..Paying for things does not make a being a gentleman. Otherwise what a poor dude who can't afford that is not one?

Now what's the business with her acting distant or not talking to you, before going on trip with her? Are you really examing her charcter or is your libidio ruling your judgement. Have you not learned anything from these threads...quick romances in the beginning leads to trouble down the road..because someone is rushing to get into something because they're running from something?

Yeah yeah she kissed you, and the bloom was great the 1st day...and how much did you know about her, her moods, her past...based on what she TOLD you? You should go on this trip solo, stay clear of this one and slow yourself down..unless you like having your heart dragged around...Some people do.

January 6, 2006

Why did she say 'friends' & then let me kiss her, is she a co*k teaser. I dunno.
I never questioned every move, she said she was a bitch for leading me on, i mean if a girl lets you kiss her on the lips & hold her, you think your in with a chance, maybe she doesn't know what she wants!!
I know she is lonely here & if i do NC she may come back to me, i was just annoyed & confused at why she said friends & then allowed me to hug her like we did & kiss on lips!

no not a cock teaser just not quite sure at that point. she is allowed to change her mind. yes she is lonely, probably was trying to talk herself into having some feelings for you, thinking maybe she should have because youre into her etc.

she is allowed to change her mind and i doubt that she was being calculating about that.

I hope your right Newby, cheers!
...
I hope what you say is right by me not contacting her being a blow to her ego

erm, i didnt mean that was a good thing. just ego, nothing more.

i agree with insync, a true gentleman pays because he wants to and with no ulterior motives. if you are paying and dissapointed that you are getting nothing in return then you are not being a true gent. you look more honest if you ask her to pay her way, since you are just friends anyway. do you pay for every girl friend (not girlfriend)?

January 7, 2006

CaringGuy,

Chalk that one up to a 'quickie'.

-Rio

January 7, 2006

I just pay as thats how i have been brought up, i don't exppect anything at all.

What i don't get is when she says 'friends' & no kissing, we then meet & get into holding hands & kissing again!, thats when i maybe think she was changing her mind, unsure of what she said etc.

She was the one who said she felt like she'd known me ages, felt so relaxed & that she felt so comfortable with me!

It wasn't just kissing on those 3 days, it was the whole hogg, thats why we didn't see each other for a week or so after, just texts!

Your right, i love being in a relationship, the closeness, being there, sharing etc & i miss it when it's not, thats why i get the hopes up, but i'm not begging & pushing, i'm very relaxed around her, going with it, but i do see things in black & white & look too much into things.

The trip is with her, we have seats together, i'm staying with her friends, with her, so i can't realy go alone.

I know she can change her mind & she is doing with saying things & doing the opposite next!, i do feel my mind is being messed with, thats why after the day out the other day & she was hugging me on the bus, sleeping across me, i mean we couldn't get physicaly closer, acting like a full on gf/bf all day, & then when we kissed & i stayed for a longer snog, she said just friends! I asked her if she came with me as it was a day out for her, or because she liked being with me.

I said i was confused & she was mad at me & sayed she can't see me until we go, as she works unsocial hours, she was in a mood & the next day when she leaft, there was silence, we hugged & i asked her to contact me! THat was Wednesday & i heard nothing.

Should i text her, or leave her to contact me, there's stuff i need to know from her about the trip, & money we have to oder etc! What should i do! We have to be on good friendly term before we go, i don't want any bad vibes before??

cg

January 9, 2006

I think she had an issue with being with me as she thought i was wanting more & now we have cleared the air & are more friendly!

She did lead me on & when someone knows the other is attracted to them, it almost rules out any possibility, but when all hope seems lost, thats when something can happen, as we will be relaxed around each other & having fun!

This has happened to me before!

cg

January 9, 2006

I think she had an issue with being with me as she thought i was wanting more & now we have cleared the air & are more friendly!

She did lead me on & when someone knows the other is attracted to them, it almost rules out any possibility, but when all hope seems lost, thats when something can happen, as we will be relaxed around each other & having fun!

This has happened to me before!

cg

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