saralee Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 My boyfriend broke-up with me last week. It was a long distance relationship and he felt the future was so uncertain that it would be better for us to break now since we have many years left in college in different countries - he was also very frustrated with not being physically together. We love each other and he said he needed to remain friends. I told him I didn't want to have contact with him until I was over him. A few days after breaking up, he emails to wish me a happy 2006 and to say he's sorry for what happened but its the most practical decision. I felt so depressed after reading that. I agree that given our circumstances, we probably shouldn't be together although I still love him. But there are loose ends that I need to tie up before I can let go with a peaceful heart. When he broke up with me, we were both crying so much we didn't really discuss matters. But now that the shock has passed, I would like to ask (without any anger) why he gave up on us, and also to discuss if we're going to try to remain friends, and how. I also want to tell him I understand that we can't be together - when he brokeup with me I was so shocked and hurt, I just wanted us to stay together. Basically I'd like to end this on better terms rather than leave it hanging. I'd like to be able to part with us wishing each other the best, and knowing that we can still be friends in the future. I'm very hesitatant to initiate contact because his innocent email made me so sad. When we parted he said he loves me and hopes to talk to me soon, that anytime I need him, he'll be there for me, but I think it will take a long time before the heartache is over - I'm just afraid that by then it'd be too awkward to return to friendship. Lately he seems to be trying to initiate contact through IM although I feel like he's just waiting for me to respond. Can someone please advise me? Should I contact him, or should I cut off contact completely, suddenly without even understanding why he broke up with me and risk any future friendship? I feel very sad that our circumstances rather than feelings dictated this result. Thanks in advance.
francis Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 I'm sorry that you are going through this, but remember, this is only the first week. You are going to undergo a range of emotions whilst coming to terms with his decision. Now is the time to focus on you and your studies. I had a LDR which was so so hard. It drained me. I felt that I wanted to do everything to keep trying and keep our relationship afloat but my ex felt otherwise, and he ended it last May. We have kept in contact, but that has been limited to emails, a few sms messages, he's mailed me some gifts but ultimately, his choice to give up on me and our relationship has hurt me so much. Keeping in touch with him has meant that I havent been able to let go. Keep in mind that because you were LDR things may not change that much between friendship and relationship, which may keep you in a very confused, frustrated state for months. Almost as if, 'well, if we are staying in contact, why can't we be together?' The bottom line is that he wants to date other people I guess. Time will tell if he really wants you in your life. But your choice is whether you want to keep him there as a friend, and whether you can ignore the hurt in time in order to stay friends. My advice would be to stay away from the usual electronic haunts...IM, MSN and email. You need to clear your own head about how you feel. His attempts to contact you will only confuse you and keep you in a limbo state. Tell yourself it's over. He told you that. You don't really need to know his intricate reasons. He should respect your wishes and stay away until you are over him. Stand your ground on that one. However tempting it may be, even if you're in the depths of loneliness one night. Do something else. Don't contact him. Because you will not get over him if you stay in contact. I am trying to save you months of misery! Ultimately, you cannot change the situation between you that he gave as a reason to end it. You are still going to be far away from him.
Geoffrey Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 I've been apart from my ex for almost 7 weeks now, with very limited contact - and believe me - there have been MANY times I've WANTED to pick up that phone....but the upside of NC is that you will have time to sort through things and try to make sense of it. It's not a weekend project - and I know that the time apart from her, as painful as it's been, has been good health to me. I've come to some pretty heavy conclusions about why our relationship ended. When there is contact, she cries - and I usually do too. Right now it is just too painful to see her or talk to her....let alone think about her! I don't know how long it's going to take to get past these feelings...for her or for me. I still have things at her house and she is in no hurry for me to come get them, and I'm not in a hurry, either, I guess. Part of me wants to close the book on this whole thing, and another part of me wants to wait it out...and see where this goes....as foolish an enterprise as that may be. I know it sounds like I'm holding on...but in a way, I guess I am....UGH!
francis Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 We have been broken up for seven months and neither of us have even mentioned returning my clothes/books/belongings that are at his home. It's stuff I can live without. Maybe its symbolic, maybe its not even that important any more.
Geoffrey Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 I have several things of value I do want back at some point....and she is "borrowing" a few favorite things of mine, like a portable vacuum cleaner she really likes. She also has my rather expensive gas grill on her deck, which I don't have the room for at the moment. But when I've asked, she cries, says wants to pack them for me and says "I just can't deal with that right now!" (she is going through a very bad bout of depression too - it's gotten noticably worse since I moved out a month ago). What does this mean? Is she holding on....? Or she just can't face the reality that she and I are over? I'd love to ask her myself....but then NC would go out the window...
Jadey Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 Hmmmm she's probably holding on. I threw some of my exes s*** at him at school infront his mates. I done it in a way which made me not look stupid and made him look a prat. He was being a d1ck about it so i put some of his things in my bag, went to school and at lunch emptied it on the floor and went "there take it you (every name under the sun) But i do still have some of his things in my bedroom
Geoffrey Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 Jadey....you could have had a little sport with this guy.... Give him back some "things" that aren't really his....for example....an old loo seat, some "interesting" magazines, etc.....I mean, if you're gonna do this in front of his mates, MILK IT BABY!!
Jadey Posted January 4, 2006 Posted January 4, 2006 Jadey....you could have had a little sport with this guy.... Give him back some "things" that aren't really his....for example....an old loo seat, some "interesting" magazines, etc.....I mean, if you're gonna do this in front of his mates, MILK IT BABY!! :lmao: Damn! Where is a time machine when you need one?? Haha that's brill. I even erm threw some condoms his way lol
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